Outer Game Extravaganza

Welcome and good day.

It’s the end of the weekend and I want to crank out a quick rant on the often RSD-neglected topic of “Outer Game”.

The basic distinction (as originally coined by tennis coach Timothy Gallwey) is that there are TWO “games” going on in any sport: the outer game of all the motions, steps, and techniques, and then the inner game of belief systems, mental filters, and emotional states.

More or less...

(Here’s a short video of Tim Gallwey on the topic of connecting with your higher self for answers as opposed to looking for it from gurus -- just if you’re curious who this guy is or what he looks like.)


Anyway as we’ve already beaten to death, when it comes to success with women the inner game tends to be the highest impact in terms of your overall results -- simply because CONFIDENCE is literally what attracts women.

For example I was out with a buddy this weekend who grew up as a Jehovah witness for 10 years and had to approach people continually therefore fully numbing himself to rejection.

At age 11 he was adopted by marriage into the family of one of the most prominent self-development organizations in existence, further pounding him with rock solid inner game.

This dude is not a “pick up artist” and therefore has very little “outer game” in the sense of formal techniques -- but could attract basically any girl that he chose simply by going up and amusing himself and asking questions and making silly small talk.

He laughs and laughs, all day long... All the energy in the world, it's like being out with Stifler from American Pie on a rampage.

I can’t stress enough how EASY this guy makes it... and yet, with the implementation of “outer game” he also gained a lot of useful knowledge about the LOGISTICS of taking an interaction from open all the way to the end.

One of his sticking points, for example, is that most of his friends aren’t able to keep up with him.

He winds up eclipsing them (and putting them into "spectator mode" where they just sit there) because when he talks he’s just more self-amusing and charismatic than they are.

This often results in him losing the girl he likes because she chooses to walk off with her friend who's bored of dude's tongue-tied associates.

A quick tweak: Send in the friend in first so that he gets the “brownie points” of being the one who had the spontaneity to approach, then once he’s hooked attention just join in and quickly split the four-way conversation into a two-way conversation so that the friend’s girl doesn’t get distracted.

Basic outer game...

See, even if you have the ability to generate insane and over-the-top attraction with a woman just by CONFIDENCE ALONE, there is still the continual issue of “logistics” to deal with.

Is she walking down the street with her headphones on??

Is she at the venue with long time friends who will irrationally judge her negatively for going home with you??

Is her cell phone ringing like crazy when she’s back at the house messing around??

These are all issues of OUTER GAME.

I’ve beaten this stuff to death in the 2 hour free audio that comes when you sign up for Jeffy’s newsletter (www.realsocialdynamics.com/newsletter.asp) as well as in the DVD program “Foundations” (www.getfoundations.com). You can also find lots of articles on them in the Articles section on RSD Nation (www.rsdnation.com).

Oftentimes I’m asked if “Outer game is still relevant??” and as you can see the answer is ABSOLUTELY YES.

If you’re looking at me personally as a dude who is "inner game focused" my "outer game" is still tweaked and honed to the max from 6 years of going out.

This isn’t “Line number 1... Line number 2... Take away number 1...”

That’s not my style, I don’t do that, and in fact I don’t DELIBERATELY do ANYTHING to generate a response IN THE GIRL.

Rather, I go out and “be myself” and the ability to do this is what I rely on to create attraction.

The question however comes down to “What does it mean to be yourself??”

Is being a needy, desperate chode the REAL YOU??

Is reading on the Real Social Dynamics blog that you should act like yourself and then doing it to get approval being the real you??

How about going out in a bad mood and then complaining and dragging people down just because you feel like it??

Well, I don’t think that ANY of those “you’s” are the real you.

The “real you” is that HIGHER SELF that’s inside of you, and when you connect with it, you’re being yourself. Your best self.

Now how does this move us into the outer game – the approach, the phone number, the move to your place, etc etc??

It’s really very straight forward, so perhaps what we need here is a hyper-quick outer game tutorial.

STEP 1 – THE APPROACH

Walk up and start amusing yourself. Simple.

The key here is that you need to get used to making yourself laugh.

If you walk up and you’re just making yourself laugh, the girls will instantly be into it.

One of my favourites from the other night: Walk up and flex my muscles, move into a Greek Olympian God pose, followed by silly Brazilian imitation style grinding for 5 seconds.

Stop. Look in the eyes. “Hi there. Who are you?”

So... utterly... ridiculous...

Girls laughing hysterically. Why??

When a man is uncontrollable and self-amused and acting through his own intentions he then becomes attractive, and when girls are attracted they naturally laugh.

Is this a dancing monkey or entertainer frame?

No.

Why not? Keep reading.

STEP 2 – CREATE ATTRACTION

Self amusement is caused by a change in where you reference your reality – internally or externally.

Most people crack a joke, look to the girl to see if she’ll laugh, and THEN decide whether or not what they said was funny.

They’re joking around as a subtle form of “approval seeking” which cuts down and undermines their own humour.

KEY: DO NOT TRY TO MAKE THE GIRL LAUGH. SIMPLY MAKE YOURSELF LAUGH.

THE GIRL DOES NOT WANT YOU TO ENTERTAIN HER. SHE WANTS A TRIP INTO *YOUR* REALITY, AND THAT MEANS BEING EXPRESSIVE OF WHAT IS FUNNY TO *YOU*.

Even if what you’re saying isn’t “objectively funny” she will laugh hysterically, uncontrollably.

And if she doesn’t KNOW why what you’re saying is funny because it’s not the type of humour that she’d normally laugh at, she’ll sit there saying “I don’t even know why I’m laughing!! You’re so funny I don’t even know why!!”

Beyond that, I recommend adopting a sort of Zen view where EVERYTHING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS FUNNY.

Choose to believe in this or not, but it will make you wickedly effective with women. Scary good.

Notice here that all this is fully integrated into your natural personality.

Instead of being the sour-grapes SOB who walks around depressed, negative, bitchy, be the positive fun and self-amused dude who brings value to every single person he interacts with.

I had a German student the other night with wicked game but who lacked in being overly expressive with his self-amusement.

As an exercise I had him do a retarded-sounding-laugh after every sentence where he’d say “Heeh heeh heeh...”

It sounded demented.

Guess what though?? In spite of it he beamed with fun and positivity. It’s not a permanent mode of being for him, but an exercise just to get him in the right state of mind.

This is different from the “laughing at your own jokes” to EASE PRESSURE AND RELIEVE TENSION.

Dry humour can be wickedly sharp when you don’t laugh at your own jokes because it amps up tension, but there is also a way to laugh at your own jokes that shows self amusement and lack of neediness to whether or not other people find it funny. Be the latter.

(Lastly, notice that the WORDS themselves are not creating attraction.... they're just keeping her there feeling comfortable while NIMBUS AND POLARITY are doing the attraction work for you effortlessly -- she is feeling lit up around you just by being in your presence).

STEP 3 – MOVE GIRL AROUND

Now while the girl is ENTHRALLED in your reality, which is sooooooooooo easy once you get the hang of it, the next thing to do is swap her around into various environments.

Boom boom boom, she’s inside with you, outside, different rooms of the club, etc etc...

Guess what?? Now the two of you have history together. A brief, but at least somewhat crystallized and substantial bond.

Nice. During this time she also sees how you interact with other people, including the dickhead guys who might try to snatch her attention off of you.

Be cool and she sees all this, and it tells her that you know how to handle yourself socially which is very attractive and important for her to see.

STEP 4 – TIME TO GO TO THE RESTAURANT AND THEN HOME

Notice here that YOU are the one leading the reality.

It is TOTALLY NORMAL that you go to a restaurant after the club closes. Likewise to go home.

You call this the “this happens all the time attitude”. Use it and move forward.

STEP 5 – ESCALATION

Whether you want to...

A) Barrel through the kiss with the girl within the first 30 seconds...

B) Smoothly wait until she signals you part way through the interaction...

or

C) Deliberately hold off on contact until late in the game to escalate emotional tension...

...that's entirely up to you.

Some guys like to makeout within a minute or so just to get it out of the way.

How to do this?? Spark HARD attraction.

“Duhhhhh, Tyler how do I spark hard attraction??”

It’s called NIMBUS.

Being FULLY IN THE MOMENT, and FULLY IN YOUR OWN REALITY.

Again, you walk up and boom boom boom you are just SO FRIGGIN’ FUNNY and SO HAPPY in your own reality that NO GIRL COULD NOT BE ATTRACTED.

It is physically impossible for this not to work. The only girls who don’t like it are the ones who are insecure or whose parents just died or whatever.

The reason you don’t spark hard attraction with most girls is usually one of the following:

1) She detects “incongruence” because you’re trying to put on a “persona”.

2) You are “out of state” because you aren’t comfortable in the environment.

3) You’re looking for her reactions to you to pump your state rather than drawing state from within and offering value outwards (IE: you are in chode-reaction-seeking mode instead of experiencing the natural good feelings in your own body that occur when you open your awareness up to the present moment).

4) You lack your own standards and values and look to women to dictate your reality to you.

As long as you aren’t engaging in this nonsense you will get attraction.

Overly simple??

No. You’re just being overly complicated.

Now if you want to make out within 30 seconds just wait for her to start laughing and then lean in and kiss her. If you’re too scared then you can make an excuse like “You remind me of....... Wait a sec (frame her face with your hands like a picture frame) close your eyes....” and then kiss.

Remember that if you do that last one then DO NOT do the classic retard newbie move where you jump back out of fear for her reaction when she opens back up her eyes.

Keep there totally stable FEELING GOOD IN YOUR BODY by being in a semi-meditative enthusiastic state and she will laugh hysterically.

Now if the girl is resisting the kiss it can also be a result of her not feeling qualified to be with you, which points to a need to say some positive things about her.

Some girls are self-hating and negative and can’t piece it into their realty that you really like them, so in that case you can say “You don’t deserve this cause you’re so crazy, but I like you anyway... I don’t even know why I just do...”

This sidesteps the logical reasons because she’s unable to see why anyone would like her, so the only other route is emotional.

Alright so you’ve made out with the girl?? So what?? What now??

She’s kissed you, it basically means nothing. Most girls makeout with like hundreds of guys a year. They’ll make out with anyone who’s fun and non-needy and escalates confidently because they enjoy physical contact as much if not significantly more than guys do -- heck, they'll even make out with OTHER GIRLS most of the time if they're feeling silly enough.

The next step is to just lay back and be cool. Keep chatting and joking around and self amusing like it never happened, because for all intents and purposes, it didn’t.

Now what if you want to hold back to fuel tension and let the “Does he like me or not??” escalate in the girl’s mind for flirtation purposes??

That’s fine also. Just keep evaporating physical boundaries by engaging contact during laughter high points and then disengaging while she’s still totally comfortable and having fun.

Boom, totally natural, this shouldn’t be even something you think about because women do it to each other and to guys naturally (because they aren’t all stifled and socially scared like most guys are).

Then later back at home on a high point you can go for it at your own convenience.

Key here is to NOT be the delusional newbie who sees the window and doesn’t take it, using the “I was waiting to build tension” as a nonsense excuse.

Always bear in mind that male/female attraction is very much a dance with specific steps, which is basically guy interacts in front of girl, girl gives guys signals that she wants slight escalation, guy continues to interact in front of girl, girl gives more signals, and so on and so forth all the way to sex.

If as a guy you miss one of these steps the window for escalation will typically close and NEVER, EVER open back up (if you've ever had a girl sleep in your bed and you didn't "do anything" in order to be a gentleman and found that she wouldn't return your phonecalls after, then you've experienced this first hand... you were a douchebag who dissed her by screwing up the dance).

It's cool to keep tension dialed but just remember that it has to be from a position of CHOICE where she can tell that you aren't sure about her yet, not out of being too socially inept to read the play.

(NOTE: Sometimes you have to push the flow through the clogged pipeline by playfully escalating ahead of her schedule, and sometimes you go too fast and she doesn't like it but it's all good if you just lay off and give her space, keep interacting and then wait for the next signal.... it doesn't matter HOW SMOOTH you are, there will always be a few missteps that occur and that's TOTALLY FINE so long as you're cool about it and keep moving the interaction forward non-needy and fun).

Alright now as far as sex goes, well, I’ll leave that to you guys to figure out on your own.


As always it’s a combination of LIGHT and FUN pressure without ever being a creepo or weird.

If the girl is having fun then she’ll keep coming back to you and jumping on you even if she’s giving you the dose of mandatory token resistance to fuel your male chauvinistic delusion that she doesn’t do this all the time.

Make sense?? Good.

The last thing I’d say is that you’ve always got remember that you’re offering a gift here.

Any girl you hook up with should be able to brag about it to her friends if she wants to, feel good about it, know that she got with a SUPER FLY COOL dude.

This understanding alleviates you of any internal resistance in terms of taking the right steps forward.

Have fun!!


Tyler