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Monday, July 02, 2007

Manifesting Positivity VS Standing Your Ground


For you guys who follow Real Social Dynamics, you know I'm always playing around with taking on different beliefs and seeing how they affect my life.

This year I've been really inspired by guys like Gandhi who promote non-violence and positivity even in the face of conflict.

I've also learned a lot about how when you're a guy who's always ready to fight you'll unconsciously SEEK OUT a chance to reinforce your existing beliefs and wind up drawing conflict into your life inadvertently.

It's funny how when I took time away from the whole "game" and nightclubs I became more and more positive, believing that everyone in every environment is my friend and always has my best interests at heart.

As odd as it might or might not sound, by assuming the best in people I've drawn a lot of positivity into my life and made a lot of cool friends.

The thing is, recently I've found myself sort of coming full circle realizing that the old Greek maxim "Moderation in all is best" is still very much true.

I was out on bootcamp the other night and speaking with this girl who was very quiet. Her friend was bubbly and I enjoyed her company but the friend was just very uptight.

As I left I said to her "I'm going to head in... It was nice meeting you... Maybe I'll see you inside after a few beers and you'll be partying and going nuts..."

I said this basically to break the tension and be funny and try to lighten up her night.

What's her response?? "I won't be partying with YOU..." all negative and nasty.

I couldn't believe this. Totally not cool.

So I forget about it instantly because she's really not worth my time and head into the club.

As we enter the venue the doorman starts busting my very obviously 32 year old student's balls about his British identification.

*Sigh*

I ask him "Sir is there a problem?" and he starts shouting "Calm down.... Calm down.... Calm down.... Calm down.... Calm down..."

I'm like "Uhhh dude I'm not even talking... You can keep yelling the words calm down if you want though..."

Whatever... *shrug*

At this point I'm still feeling good and just enjoying the environment.

I get inside and we open up a convo with two cool blonde girls. We're having fun.

Suddenly out of nowhere this dude rocks up on us and he's like "These girls have boyfriends!! Don't talk to them!! If you talk to these girls I'm going to fuck you guys up!!"

At this point I'm sitting there in utter shock thinking to myself "WTF?! Do I have the word BITCH written on my forehead?? There's no way these dudes think they can be acting like this..."

Seriously, this sort of thing is HIGHLY ALARMING to me...

To have not one, not two, but THREE incidents like this in a five minute span I know for a fact that I'm bringing this onto myself by being too lenient on personal boundaries.

It's like a mental thing being projected outward or something.

I've crossed the line from being a guy who's positive and doesn't bother addressing negativity to being a guy who's just straight up chode-bait for the types of people who sniff out that sort of thing.

I yell over to my buddy Alex "Dude I think I'm getting a bit too far into this positive philosophy stuff... I've just got clowned on 3 times in five minutes!!"

See, it was at this point it suddenly hit me that while positivity and ignoring/reframing bullshit can make your life a lot happier, if certain types of people can sense you'll let them walk all over you..... THEY WILL.

There has to be a balance.

Anyway, the guy comes back over and I grab him by his collar and let him know that he's about to get his head knocked in, but regardless I think he's probably a good dude and just confused and I'm about to un-confuse him.

I was pretty much ready to lay this guy out so I guess he could tell I was serious.

Instantly he offers to buy drinks for my crew and apologizes and he's all laughing and happy and cool.

Hmmmm.... Interesting.

A good reminder that many people PREFER it when you treat them like this. The nice side of his personality comes to the surface and we make friends.

Later I head over to the next club and there's these two rowdy drunk guys washing their hands who try to clown on me while I'm taking a piss.

I do up my zipper and walk over to one of them calmly as I look him right in the eye. He's yelling some sort of nonsense and in a casual fluid motion I shoulder-check him into the wall and start washing my hands in his sink. I say "Thanks bro..." all nonchelant as if he offered it to me.

All this happens instinctively. It happens "through me". I don't really think.

The guy's buddy start laughing hysterically and high-fives me. The dude I checked also laughs. Apparently they like this sort of thing.

At this point I pretty much cemented the epiphany that if you have a personal boundary that you're willing to reinforce that you will oftentimes AVOID CONFLICT.

It's a balance between not being EAGER to enforce your personal boundaries the way that most guys who like to fight do, but also being willing to do so if you objectively gauge that it's appropriate behaviour.

The fact of the matter is that nightclubs can at times be very ego-driven environments and if it's not visibly obvious that you're not a guy that people can walk all over then it's going to taken advantage of.

You do NOT have to become angry...

You do NOT have to lose your peace of mind...

You do NOT have to even hate on the people who you put back in line...

But you DO have to have a firm line that you won't allow to be crossed, and you DO have to be willing to back it up.

Otherwise the line will be crossed. Repeatedly. Maybe even 3 times in five minutes... :)

Some food for thought.


Tyler

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great stuff! This article finally ties in Dr. Paul's personal boundaries ideas and having a non-reactive attitude for me.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I blame the painbody :)

Guybrush Threepwood said...

True. A good rule of thumb for me is, if I suddenly get this overpowering urge to punch someone in the gut it usually means I should.

The Scarlet Pimp said...

That's a really interesting post Tyler. Just look into Appeasement during World War Two to see just how dangerious the idea of being too accepting can take you. I'm living in a country that was gifted to the Nazis in the hope they would stop their advancement through Europe.

I remember growing up and there was this older kid who was a bully. He would pick on me the way home and push me around. That summer got angry and I went to Martial Arts training. Really threw myself into it. I came out, ready to kick some ass. The next couple of weeks on the way home from school I was all ready for him, but he stayed away.

Something about my internal state had changed and I never even had to lift a finger or throw a punch. He just knew not to mess with me anymore.

Anonymous said...

AMOG Tyler strikes back!

Anonymous said...

Tyler, what is your frame about "keeping them in line"? I am REALLY laid back and let alot of stuff slide off, but, say, if somebody touches me I FLIP, talk vicious trash and come to blows very quickly once the threshold is crossed. A state most of my friends do not get to see and wouldnt even believe I was capable of. I dont have any settings between "ok douchebag, fuck off" and wanting to make someone regret getting out of bed that day and Im not grasping where you are at here.

So when you say you body checked a guy in the bathroom, is this a "playful wrestling, boys being boys" type frame or an "out of my way you trash" type frame or something completely different? The only way I can see this going down is with somebody losing their front teeth.

Excellent article, Im interested to understand it better.

asdfn

Magnus said...

lol, you do realise some guys are gonna read this, not get it, and get the shit kicked out of them?

Jeffrey said...

Awesome post. Spoke to me on so many levels. Positivity has been an amazing mindset for achieving so many things in my life (career, friends, exercise, dating) but striking the right balance with sending out the "you-can-walk-all-over-me" vibe is never easy. Once again, Tyler, your observations clarify an aspect of my life that is screaming out for a patently simple solution but which I never would have been able to work out on my own. Can't wait for The Blueprint! Jeff

Starkad said...

AS USUAL I totally agree with you. I work in a restaurant and I've been maintaining a really positive outlook and attitude with everyone, however, there are some people who PUSH to see where they can get with me or what I will put up with, bosses et cetera.

This whole idea ties in really wonderfully with the whole rejecting the ego, if you let go of the ego you realize that no one is DOING anything to you and can react in a firm, calm, leader of the pack fashion.

Anonymous said...

Hey Owen,

It's funny, I'm working on this myself.
I notice you see it as guarding your boundaries.
I see it as a bit like play fighting. Like not really bullying people but more something in between befriending and bullying. If that makes sense... Like a test to see if someone can deal with your behavior. If not then it can turn to bullying very easily.

F

sting said...

solid stuff. best post you've had here for awhile.

People have a tendency to want to prove another wrong - especially one with higher status/value. like if you say "i'm not bothered by shit" - they'll fuck with you to try and bother you to show you up. whereas if you hadn't said anything, they'd just have been cool.

cheers bro,
S.

Anonymous said...

I dunno what to think on that one.

I remember this guy I hung out with a ways back who had parties every weekend like his house the only club in town. But I also remember how he would totally go off the deep end when got pissed off and he'd pull out bats n' shit. Sometimes I'm not sure where to really go on the subject of holding your own. I'm really into martial arts but I've never fought outside of class of competition. And I just don't feel the need to fight if I know I can. But at the same time, seeing that getting better with women is my main goal...I think :) ...and I guess I've never a)Dealt with that kind of pressure or B)Am not too sure how to handle it because honestly, I want blow jobs and threesomes, not to kick the crap out of dudes to show that I'm "Alpha".

I dunno, mang.

Sorry if I took your post out of context. I'ma go to Thailand and play Ping Pong in Ding Dang.

Peace

ACE

Anonymous said...

Nice mix of being positive & acting as the environment calls for.

This was my favorite line: "I think he's probably a good dude and just confused and I'm about to un-confuse him."

Machismo said...

Cool stuff!!!

I can see a lot of guys taking this too far, and seeing it as a 'carte blanche' to go around starting fights in clubs. lol.

How would you draw a distinction between being a cool, fun, friendly guy in the club, who has his boundaries vs a guy who went out to get drunk (his way of being fun and cool) and gets into fights (in his mind, maintaining his boundries)

because both guys in their mind are being fun and positive and standing their ground, but one is obviously cool, and the other not.

-Machismo

Anonymous said...

After a tough night, it's nice to know that even Tyler gets tooled!

Reggy said...

Brilliant and timely article. Very useful and relevant to me.

Anonymous said...

Thanks man! This is really helpful to me. I used to be way too passive, and have experimented with different ways of being, and am now focusing very much on positivity...this is a balance that is very important for me to get a grasp of. I think it's a strength of mine that I simply don't escalate conflict...and so I've hardly ever found myself in it. But at the same time, I think I need to keep that quality, while ALSO being powerful and assertive.

-Thrillseeker

Anonymous said...

Dude I totally get where you're comin from with this! I used to fuck ppl up if they was invadin my personal boundaries yeah but wen i got into the whole be positiv shit I stopped but I realize I just gots 2 fuck sum1 up once in a while to make sure my boundaries are known

Dangermouse said...

Great post man... similar things have happened to me. I used to "pump up" before going out, physically and mentally, and used be basically a lot more aggressive and stuff. This was good as I was often able to deal with AMOGs etc effectively, as any AMOG-destroyer was totally congruent with my demeanour, and I was just a lot more dominant, but the trouble was I used to get into a lot of fights, thrown out of pubs etc. So I toned down the aggression whilst keeping up the dominance, is working a treat so far.

Christopher said...

This is a good article. Bully AMOG types can really see it in your eyes if you are willing to fight them. It's almost like a woman's congruence test. It reminds me of one time this violent guy was screaming at me, asking if I was hitting on his girlfriend. I said "Yeah I am, look at her, can you blame me?" And suddenly he was my buddy and wanted to buy me drinks and intro me to all his social circle.

What's really cool is how you guys are willing to admit you sometimes, after all this time, still get negative responses in the field. Yet you totally blow it off and re frame it differently than an 'average' guy would.

I believe if I totally adopted this mind set I would never fail to approach a woman I wanted to meet again.

Nilatak said...

I watched A-team alot and learned valuable lessons from Mr. T so I don't foresee a problem with this ; )

AlekNovi said...

I didn't get this article... it's confusing :)

I've liked every article up until now though.

Zed said...

Really good article... I totally identify with the stuff he's talking about here. In fact I had been through it as a teenager, though in a slightly different sense. I always was the ‘cool kid’ in high school. Most ‘low-status’ people would be too intimidated to even talk to me. However if they did, they would realise I had nice personality and would start to take advantage of it. Like, “Oh yeah, the dude is so cool and tough, but now that I got to know him, it's just him and I can try to tool him around... “

This bothered me a great deal because I didn’t like being messed with when I had no bad intentions and was nice to people. So I would become a jerk and ‘shut the door’ completely, never allowing them to even come close. But it wasn’t really me (I’m not a jerk). Back then, I was thinking hard about it and developed something like ‘personal boundary’ as Tyler put it so well. It worked well. Even to this day, in my mid-twenties, as my quest for continual improvement continues, it is always after someone gets to know me that they would occasionally start throwing shit at me. But now I know better and if the boundary is crossed, they will soon find out about it and very rarely try again. This article sums it up very nicely.

FireStorm said...

I get this article one hundred percent BUT there are two questions on my mind:
1) How do you get to the point where that look in your eyes manifests as I have always been the type to bluff physically and I feel often people can tell (even when I'm really steaming pissed). Or is this just an overall inner game issue that gets worked out when you get good with womens?
2) I thought the proper response to the two blonds situation was just to ignore the violence prone chode?

Anonymous said...

Good post! This is the proper extension of the unreactive game. At no time one should get bad emotions about this. But calculated responses are still necessary.

Another possible way to handle this is to appear to be positive alpha, basically, I am in good mood and all, but don't fuck with me. This is being "dominant positive", where it is clear that your positivity is a choice, but you won't hesitate to handle the situation appropriately if the situation will call for it.

Truth said...

The genius of Gandhi and MLK were not that they tuned out the infractions on their boundaries, but they enforced their boundaries without the threats of violence. Those enforcements came in terms of some very, very strong rhetoric, and lots of social and economic pressure. I've worked with very far left groups, like the Green Party. Anyone who heard me fundraise knows that I was very assertive, unafraid to show my anger, and through that I got lots of pledges. You can argue and get respect without insulting.

Joe said...

I can remember only a handfl of times where this has ever happened to me, usually my energy is so over anybody elses that I usually just get a bunch of guys trying to be my friend

phi1 said...

Pacifists encourage the violent people to rule over the peaceful.

They give them the feeling of power/status by going out of their way and do everything they want when threatened.

Anonymous said...

really awesome post! don't think the majority will get it though...it takes a lot of calibration and consciousness to act like this and not getting the shit kicked outta you....in this spirit it's amazing to see what "holding your frame" and congruence can do for your social interactions.

the most interesting part is that you were able to realize all that stuff happening in real time and changed it right away. most people probably would have been pissed for the next few days not knowing why...

$Matteo said...

"Manifesting Positivity Vs Standing Your Ground"


????????????

How dare you pit best friends against each other!@#

$M

Saad said...

This should be required reading for all 'new age chodes', who seem to think that giving up their balls and varying moods/emotions is the path to enlightenment and being a man.

AntiMike said...

aleknovi, i had the same reaction

but reminds me of IG 'yell at them with love'.

Hawk aka MunichHawk said...

I´m doing social work.
This means beeing tested by teenagers and young adults is something I had to deal a lot of times with.
It´s some kind of congruence test. In working with teens I project an attitude that everything is cool and that I´m an open minded person but still I´m not only a person they should like and trus I´m also a person they have to respect.

I pretty much think that it´s normal human behaviour that people test each other boundaries to see how far they can go.
I don´t think you mean that fighting is the solution. I get it this way and the way I did it in my work and in field that you have make clear where your boundaries are and that you are not tolerate bullshit.

RichBristol said...

This post made so much sense to me...it's like in Iron John where he talks about having personal "warriors" to protect your inner king.

Like you say, its all about a free flow of action rather than responding from your ego. If someone is fucking with you and your natural response is to intimidate them abit then that's fine. It's an effective strategy.

I think if you're honest with yourself you can tell whether you did it out of a free flow of action or a need for ego validation.


I guess it comes down to fully cultivating each aspect of your masculinity. Positivity/zen is the antidote to being overly negative/angry/jealous, but you DO need to be able to express yourself appropriately when someone fucks with you - cutting them out of their reality, or putting them in their place.

the undersigned said...

going to have to agree with you. im constantly standing my ground and knocking people to the side. after all, they're the ones walking around me and my friends, i'm not moving- and they realize this eventually (usually after they're regaining balance). and when im walking, AND you're standing in an understood walking path, be prepared to get gently nudged aside, or at least tapped to slide over.

any other time, definitely mr positive happy kickass time is in effect. you have to have your balance :o)

excellent post my friend!

B

jules said...

I have had issues with this in the past, being the totally positive guy who ignores all negativity and is looking for the best in people at all times.

What I found is people would repeatedly cross the line and realise that they could get away with it.
I have since remedy'ed this and am still positive and look for the best in people, but if someone steps over the line they will know about it straight away.

Anonymous said...

Here's a crazy idea! How about avoiding the clubs that belligerent, low class, trashy people frequent!

Anonymous said...

It just comes down to figures/maths doesn't it? How built the guy is, how many guys are rolling with him etc. It would be difficult to do the same things with several more aggressive/huge guys in his group. I doubt neither the guy whose collar you grabbed or the guys in the bathroom were 6'7" powerhouses.


I don't see how you can enforce standards of acceptable behaviour when the odds are stacked against you (i.e. he looks ready to crack, and has an army at his side - what are you going to do? "be assertive"?). Very interesting topic.

Anonymous said...

This is the missing piece!

I always felt and always kind of let things slip if ppl tooled me, thinking i must be positive and not let it bother me. or its just their egos and they are not doing it on purpose.

But this post really made me see it in a different way, it just didnt feel right before when i let ppl walk over me.


THANKS!

Anonymous said...

It's fascinating since I can't 'relate' to this anymore. I get what TD is saying, but my point is, I just don't NOTICE this things anymore.

It's like are you on the lookout for people trying to fuck with ya?

Of course if something like this came up, as big as it is to be NOTICED...then it sure does hell deserve a counter.

There is that feeling where you KNOW you can fuck a person up and do anything while simultaneously having the CHOICE of staying calm and walking away.

My last experience of this is just looking the guy in the eye, but feeling completely at ease. Like, it's silent. Like, you're just there.

The guy gets the message.

Truth is, it's how you feel inside.

Are you chilled out or are you reacting INSIDE?

cheers.

-gruenfeld ;)

Maloney said...

Here's the thing: It's all social posturing. It's all about figuring out where on the 'food chain' one guy is in relation to the rest. If you put off the vibe of being a pussy/pushover, some insecure guys are going to use you to ELEVATE their own social standing -- whether it's just their inernal SENSE or their actual perceived status.

As anyone who has spent serious time in social scenes (evereyone here, probably) has probably noticed, the guys who really go out of their way to validate themselves by picking on some poor shmuck OOZE insecurity. Most guys who have their shit together and know it -- at least on a social level -- don't feel that urge to impress.

Now, most guys don't want to fight, so the moment they become convinced that you WILL fight them, they do a 180 to diffuse the situation. But be careful, because MOST doesn't mean all. If I'm in the bathroom being a jackass (which I've seen me do on occasion) and you shoulder check me, you better get your hands up. I'm not a brawler, I don't go looking for fights, but I also don't put up with that shit.

There are plenty of guys out there MUCH toughter and MUCH crazier than I, so be careful with using physical contact to put someone in their place -- unless you're ready to put your hands up!

Anonymous said...

This is probably one of your worst posts, mate. Honest feedback. While I agree with the concept of being assertive,objective and resolving conflicts, you give entirely wrong examples. You even mention Gandhi, non-voilance in the same post -talk about irony.Nothing personal here, just objective critic of the post.


"Anyway, the guy comes back over and I grab him by his collar and let him know that he's about to get his head knocked in, but regardless I think he's probably a good dude and just confused and I'm about to un-confuse him"

Unnecessary, escalation in my view.

"A good reminder that many people PREFER it when you treat them like this"

- Tyler, you have earned a lot of respect in the community and people commend you. Don't write
irresponsible stuff like this. What if he pulled out a knife on you, there would be an obituary instead of this post- ever thought about that, you can't predict how people behave in clubs in a intoxicated state.

"At this point I pretty much cemented the epiphany that if you have a personal boundary that you're willing to reinforce that you will oftentimes AVOID CONFLICT"

Again, dangerous and risky advice.

Wonger said...

Hey!

What up, Im form Monterrey, Mexico lair


I have like 6 months in the community learing new things all day with puas from Monterrey, Tampico, Mexico, Aguascalientes...

by today i have made differts kinds of closes but never enter in the seduccion phase... Im not virgin but i really dont know how to establish a relationship with no compromise with one girl Im hangin out with.. Im stoked in comfort... what can I do to escale it to the next phase?




TD. i like very much your super conference dvds you are very good explaining

Shambles said...

if we're ever hanging out and some guy is giving you a hard time bro, I've got your back!

Bigtime said...

That's cool, guys can be nobs a lot of the time. As long as you can look at the situation for what it is (which you obviously did, but some guys probably won't after reading this!), I'd say having those standards is just part of being a man.

I enjoyed the article, thanks. Good stuff.

Geoff said...

Yooo yooooo. This is a very good post, and an interesting topic that I have looked into both sides of. On one side, you have to stand your ground and be willing to stand up for yourself (and even deeper for what you believe in). On the other side, you need to be flexible and move toward peaceful conflict resolution.

What's really funny, and one thing that you guys don't know about Tyler is that I have seen him diffuse sooooooooooo many confrontations with AMOGing. People can say whatever about him, but he was able to handle some of the toughest situations I have ever seen period.

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite article yet. I've been looking for this article (something to address this issue) for a while. Thanks dude.

Anonymous said...

Tyler, what happend to your old school amoging techniques, dont u use those anymore?

Rebel without a cause said...

Great blog!

Concerning this article: Its my experience that many people tend to confuse "Niceness" with weakness, and since we´re all animals deep down, and stronger animals tend to pick on weaker ones, being too nice and letting things slide opens up an opportunity for picking/bashing etc. hence moving you (the nice guy) lower down on the pecking order and the other person higher up (and they do it because "they can" do it).

I also believe that most people subcounscioulsy do this and get disrespectful when they feel people are being to nice because (or when) its like they dont really respect themselves, as they let other people have it their way on behalf of them (the appearance of this being so is enough and leaves a window of opportunity).

I can even feel that in myself sometimes, a kind of inclination to treat another person with less respect because you get the feeling that that person is not respecting him/her-self (true or not, but it is the feeling that you get, and the feeling is what determines your reality, even if its not true for the person being nice or lettin himslef be stepped upon).

Well alot more can be said about this but its definately important to put out personal boundaries and let people know about them.

Finally, every ones in a while we grow a beard and become just a little bit too holy, believing we understand that the universe is somehow connected and we´re all brothers and sisters (which I ultimately consider to be true), and we forget that even family need some tough love sometimes.
Thats when somebody comes up and gives you a good old kick in the chin so you wake up, which I think is what happend to you.

YoungPlayerBuildingGame said...

This reminds me of Tony Robbins and Brian Trcay about positivity.
They both affirm that, if taken too far, positivity can become a chain of reframing, even bad things into good things. a.k.a BS-ing yourself.
Better be -objectively positive-, than -blindly-positive-.

Good to know that Tyler can f*uck up with guys... and let them see the line not to cross ;-)

Anonymous said...

"im not partying with you" ROFL... shes not partying with the coolest guy she'll ever meet? rofl, riiiiight....

shit liek that cracks me up, like hi five rejections

"im not partying with YOU" reframe ---> "sorry, im not cool enough to party with you"

love yoooooooooo tylaaaa :D

love and kisses

flower

xxxx

Anonymous said...

not clear what you're getting at here, but can't condone physical violence under any circumstances. it is a show of weakness, not strength. standing your ground, maybe. but people who resort to physical violence are just idiots in my mind. real power is not located with brawlers. gandhi was vehemently non-violent. him standing his ground, and turning the other cheek was a sign of real strength (as opposed to backing down) - but to succumb to one's violent insticts is a breakdown of the higher self's control over the ego.

$Matteo said...

The big problem with this post is the title.

"Manifesting Positivity VS Standing your ground"

Those two subjects are NOT opposed to each other.

To think that it's one or the other to a grown man is ridiculous..

I was out with your boy Christophe the other night.. We were in the smoking area of a club in SF, I was making out with some broad, he was laying groundwork for a same night pull, and some douchebag opens the door into me and almost knocks me to the floor. I instinctively grab him so i don't fall to the floor. He misinterprets the move as if i'm trying to start shit. Say's he's ready to fight Chicago style.

I grab him, put my my arm around him forcefully, and say.. Bitch, I fucking LOVE to fight, give me a reason an excuse, ANYTHING, seriously kid, you're going to fucking MAKE MY NIGHT (while smiling and laughing my ass off).. But honestly, I love you man.. I was just grabbing you before I fell to the floor. But if you want to fight, I'm a fan. Let's do it.

He backed off and girls approached me saying the interaction was sexy as hell..

Bottom line, I love positivity, i love respecting others.. AND I LOVE fighting if someone is out of line. I will do everything in my power to avoid confrontation but if it happens.. I fucking LOVE it. whats that line, Fighting and fucking it's all the same.. living with louis's dog is the only way to stay sane..

Always Manifest Positivity, AND, ALWAYS stand your ground!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi,
After reading some of your posts, it becomes a bit disappointing that all the effort of improving yourself, is just to "ATTRACT THE WOMEN YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED any place, anytime, and in any situation!".

It seems that there should me more to it. I don't improve myself for women! self improvement is for myself.

The "attracting women" issue should be an side-effect, not the goal.

good luck

Angel Caine said...

Good post about the realities of life. Internally we can evolve mentally to great new places, but we will always be (tempted) to be brought down to the lowest common denominator of behavior with others.

The reason only manifesting positivity doesn't work, is that most people are operating on lower mental states. I.e. they are driven by status concerns, and aren't accessing the 'wellbeing' state themselves.

If you read prometheus rising (think you recommended?) and 'life and how to survive it' the melding of the concepts from each of them give you a good understanding of this. I like the way they put it in 'life and how to survive it'. The call it optimum mental health.

You can't deal with someone working on the basis of one mental behavior system (e.g. social status/ territory) without another (e.g. manifested positivity).

This is basically the premise of the two books - optimum mental health in our society as it stands actually needs us to jump between different behaviors to deal with the outside world (and the way others behave). We have to be able to meld with their realities to work with them.

Of course the other option is to put yourself in a place where you're more likely to encounter people that relate on the same level as you... I think that is what drives a lot of us through a transformation of our social circles after we've been in the game for a while. And also to really understand what a quality HB means to us.

NOT BUYING IT said...

it's true that many times you'll be able to call out peoples bluff. there are some ocations where people will call YOUR bluff.

i know if you were pushing up on my best friends', or my brother's girl friends and i told you to back off, and you put up some bullshit 'tough guy' attitude, i would not be buying you drinks.

chances are both your and my front teeth would be missing.

so be careful with the hole sharade. know when it may be best to just .... walk away