Fall in London... It's great to be here.
Hello and what's up to everyone who's tried to reach me to no avail while I've been overseas. Friends and family. Everyone who's sent me messages. Thank you.
It's been a crack week, just wrapping up bootcamp and then going back over all the preparation for this weekend's "Blueprint Superconference" (www.blueprintsuperconference.com).
It's going to be four full days of 100% new content. The most large-scale speaking engagement to this point in my career. I've been preparing for this for 3 years.
Anyway, I've got an article due right now so let's get on it......
Today I want to talk about what most people believe to be hands down the *biggest* hurdle in the entire "success with women" game...
That's the question of "What do I say to the girls I approach??"
"What do I say when I run out of material??"
"How do you keep the conversation going when it stales out??"
This is a massive challenge for the vast majority of guys, and chances are it's been a challenge for YOU at some point or other -- if not on a regular basis.
The issue of "what to say" is a very funny thing, because in the press and media they're consistently fixated by it. The first question I'm asked by most people when they find out about Real Social Dynamics is "What types of things do you teach people to say??"
Of course, this is a classic reflection of the general public's "Magic Pill" consumer-based mindset.
They REALLY think it's all about the lines and usually can't "get over it" no matter how much evidence I pummel them with to the contrary.
Like, yeah.... Yeah..... YEAH that's RIGHT, you can just take a guy with NO SUCCESS and give him a SET OF LINES and he's gonna be rockin' "hoes in different area codes" and bringin' a revolution of pimpin' WORLD WIDE.
Uhhhh... Urban legend?? Uhhhh.... uhhhhhhhhh.......
I've often thought that on some level it's more appeasing to the ego to learn a set of lines because it's more tangible and easy to grasp. You can look at what you've learned and say to yourself "I have this new way of doing things that makes me feel better than the naturals... I am now *enhanced*..."
It's just a lot more quantifiable in this "More, more, more..." world than, say, a surging feeling of confidence in your body that you can't entirely explain.
Regardless, you might have noticed RSD is pretty notorious for running in-field bootcamps where we'll get you doing exercises like opening with "I like salad" or "Who are you??" or just walking up to the girl and staring until she starts laughing uncontrollably.
We do this with you sometimes specifically as an *exercise* to hammer home the point that IT REALLY DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU SAY.
(At least as long as you're genuinely "offering value"... and not being validation-seeking, creepy, or insecure).
As long as you've got the fundamental core principles that we work you through down pat, the actual words themselves are pretty incidental.
Still, oftentimes you have people from outside the community read about this and say "These guys are teaching people to say I LIKE SALAD?? But... But... That's like the worst LINE I've ever heard... I knew this stuff was bullshit... Let me get back to my World Of Warcraft game..."
Other times you also have guys from *inside* the community who are still coming from the "entertainer-man" frame, and try it expecting it be similar to their usual "talk about topics that entertain women" type openers or whatever.
Obviously these are both instances of gross misunderstandings of what this stuff is all about. They're missing the sets of "core beliefs" that allow you to sort of "transcend" the need to have the perfect line.
Let's look at a few of the types of beliefs that I'm talking about......
1) AS A GIRL BECOMES ATTRACTED SHE MOSTLY NOTICES AND REMEMBERS WHAT SHE "FEELS"... AND HAS VERY LITTLE ATTENTION OR RETENTION OF WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
This obviously varies from girl to girl. I've had girls shock me by remembering all sorts of tiny details of our conversations at times.
Usually there's like these one or two things that she grabs onto for some reason or other. It just depends on the girl.
The majority of the time, however, I've noticed the girls remember very little about our overall conversation.
What they remember is mostly that they had fun, that I was a cool guy, and that's about it...
I've found this to lead to all sorts of hilarious anomolies...... like that you can do a "palm reading" on a girl or even pose as a FULL PSYCHIC, and yet she has no recollection of this the on the second meet.
I mean, even if a girl believes in telepathy you'd think it's pretty insane she thinks she's on an ACTUAL DATE with a REAL LIFE PSYCHIC WIZARD, no??
Like, "Hey Julie, I'm going out for dinner and a movie with this psychic dude named Owen... I think he's a Warlock... Don't wait up..."
The thing is, back in the day when I used to try literally everything I could find on the internet (2002/03 -- you dudes who came into this in 2007 have absolutely no idea how lucky you are) I don't think I ever had a girl I dated actually remember it.
All they ever remembered was that our conversation was "super fun".
Now you guys might be thinking "Does this mean that I should be posing as a psychic??"
What I'm getting at here is that there is VERY LITTLE LIMITATION as to what you can talk about with a girl.
She's feeling whatever emotional state YOU are in, and being drawn into that.
Your state is contagious. Remember this.
STATE - IS - CONTAGIOUS.
If you're feeling a surge of confidence and positivity (aka -- the NIMBUS of glory) in your body, that feeling is going to be transfered into HER body and she's going to love you to death.
As she becomes more and more attracted, you can talk pure nonsensical gibberish at her and she's going to be loving it more and more.
Obviously if you try this when you're feeling "out of state" then she's just going to ask you if you're drunk or on drugs.
If you're feeling AWESOME, however, and you draw people into your reality...... all it's going to do is get her investing in trying to play along with the silly conversation you're having, and build more attraction.
(Note: The "This is going to get misinterpreted by newbies and turn them into retards" red-alert is going off in my head right now... If you play with the ideas in this article, feel free to "go over the line" and see where the limit is, but also make sure to use common sense and calibrate once you've got it figured out).
Anyway, one of the major reasons I rarely run out of stuff to say is that I'm not limited by it having to make all that much sense. I "fractionate" between intelligent logical conversation and total self-amusing nonsense.
I can pretty much talk indefinitely. There is no pre-set ending to the conversation because it's not "linear" or "goal-directed" and there's no purpose for it other than to have fun.
This is very liberating and frees me up to really FEEL the emotions in my body and allow them to FLOW from myself to the girl.
2) SEXUAL COMMUNICATION LIKE "STATE" AND "DOMINANCE" HAVE EXISTED FAR LONGER THAN WORDS
A huge, huge epiphany for me has been that communicating state and dominance is far more potent in terms of attracting women than the words I use.
I used to think that meeting women was similar to a "sales presentation" where I wanted to very subtley allow her to see all of the "features an benefits" of going out with me.
These days when I talk to a girl my only assumption is that she's having fun with me, and that during this time she's unconsciously observing cues in my behaviour that have existed in human beings for thousands of years before I was ever born.
Somewhat funny sounding, I know. But I really believe it.
In my own humble opinion and experience, girls are usually feeling from you the following things...:
-Are you "self-monitoring" or are you "outside your head"??
-Are the words seeking her reaction or approval, or are they just "flowing out of you" without the slightest effort??
-Do you have to "go back into your head" when you think of what to say, or do you just flow because you speak authentically??
-Do you get your sense of reality from other people, or do you get it from your own independent interpretation??
-Do you draw your state from the ever-changing environment, or do you draw your state from within yourself?? (Huge, massive, and possibly the most important part of all this...... When you get this down you are unstoppable).
In all my experience, all this stuff is going to get women extremely attracted to you extremely quickly.
In fact, the whole "gibberish" thing is sooooo good because 1) it keeps YOU amused with YOURSELF which keeps you in state, and 2) it keeps the conversation going indefinitely while you're playfully being dominant and drawing boundaries on her and moving her around.
She's having so much fun talking to you while getting more and more attracted simultaneously.
The best part: This becomes integrated into your core personality, and it's not a character that you have to turn "on" or "off".
3) WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY HAS VALUE PURELY BECAUSE IT COMES FROM *YOU*... AND WHAT YOU SAY IS INTERESTING NOT BECAUSE OF THE SPECIFIC "CONTENT", BUT BECAUSE THE GIRL IS INTERESTED IN WHAT IS INTERESTING TO *YOU*
Alright this last one has to do with the "filter" in your mind that either "allows" or "blocks" you from saying what's on your mind.
A great way of describing this is "stifled" or "unstifled".
Once you reach a level where you can speak your mind easily, the conversation flows out "naturally" and "in the moment" -- which makes it very "on point".
This gives you a lot of room to convey your natural personality without having to be so over-the-top. You can even be a bit "humble" or "shy" if you want, and girls will be into it because you're so natural and at-ease with yourself.
Think of it this way....... If you're talking to a room full of 11 year olds, you probably won't "run out of things to say".
That's because it's only when you perceive the person is having HIGHER STATUS than you that you suddenly become stifled and self-monitoring.
Conversely, the whole "say whatever comes into your head" thing is actually communicating that you DO NOT put the girl on a pedastal -- which communicates that you're at ease with your status in the environment.
It communicates that you are unstifled in the girl's presence, and therefore a CHALLENGE as opposed to a DOORMAT.
Instead of trying to "micromanage" whether or not what you'll say will be good enough to get her attention, just allow yourself to say whatever's on your mind and realize that the mere act of being so at ease with her will usually be found attractive.
Think of your mind as being wired together by various filters and pathways.
The two most absolutely important pathways that you can have as a guy who wants to be successful with women are:
-Whatever you say has value PURELY becomes it comes from YOU.
(IE: Just like how if a hot girl says something you'll probably listen, whatever you say will be listened to because it comes from an attractive guy).
-Whatever you say is INTERESTING not because of the "content" but because girls want to know what is interesting to YOU.
(IE: If you woke up one morning and found that you had this hot new girlfriend, you'd be a LOT more interested in finding out everything you could about her real personality than what she hypothetically thinks would impress you)
Once you have these two basic filters installed, suddenly the words just seem to flow and flow and flow.
It basically comes down to the fact that you've got to believe in what YOU have to say.
The reason that most guys rely on "Pickup Gurus" to tell them what to say is that usually when they use the "guru" lines they get much better results.
Big fallacy: When they use the "guru lines" they speak with 10X more confidence and conviction.
THAT is why they get the better results.
It's once you can approach a girl with "Hi, I'm Owen..." with the SAME confidence that you would your guru-line, that you suddenly have this area of your life locked down.
As Immanuel Kant would put it...:
"Enlightenment is man's release from his self-incurred tutelage. Tutelage is the incapacity to use one's own understanding without the guidance of another. Such tutelage is self-imposed if its cause is not lack of intelligence, but rather a lack of determination and courage to use one's intelligence without being guided by another."
Anyway, I've really got to wrap this up.
I hope you guys have enjoyed this nuts-and-bolts "outer game" article, and stay tuned for more insanity when I get back to Canada next week.
I liked all of these videos for different reasons. Like them or hate them, I have much respect for anyone with a stand-out personality and I think all of these guys have *elements* to them that any critically-thinking person will enjoy.
I think there's great value in knowing the "phases" of meeting a woman, such as those outlined in "Foundations" and other sources. ie: "Qualifying" the girl so that she feels OK to act on her attraction for you, or moving her around so that she feels a greater depth of experience with you more quickly.
What I'm referring to in this article is purely the "What to say" aspect, and getting yourself the ability to talk to the girls you're attracted to for as long as you want.