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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Establishing Clear-Cut, Inviolable Personal Standards For Yourself

Kickass Anthony Robbins vid up on here --> dude is totally dominating the stage and fully in state... Wow.

Anyway, Tony is talking about your model of the world and how it translates into all your behaviours -- and on that note, I'm going to post an article here that I think is important, but that also might offend a few people.

As your parents probably told you growing up, there's a few topics that people will tend to have emotional disagreements towards... 1) Religion, 2) Sex, 3) Politics, and 4) Money.

That being the case, if anyone takes offense to it, just take it as one of my own wacky personal beliefs that you don't necessarily have to take on board.

At the same time, if you think it's something you need to hear (which for some of you it will be) then, like...... print it and paste it to your wall or something.

OK, here goes........

So today there was a post on RSD Nation about a predicament that a well-known member has found himself in.

Here it is.......:

"This post is not so much related to game as it is to life. The past several months have been kind of hard on me, and I am in a situation that can be considered "rock bottom" right now. It wasn't all that long ago that I had a great stable job, a longterm girlfriend, a nice car and I lived in the city. Everything was hunkie dorie. I had a college degree and success was just around the corner.

The past year however things have gotten really bad in my life. I had some money issues and had to move back to my hometown after I broke up with my girlfriend, and there is no job potential here. I also have lost the ability to drive because of a stupid mistake that I made. The only thing that has really driven me is that I have been working on bettering myself and my inner game, and learning how to game girls. Right now as it stands I am stuck in a dead end town, with no potential and no wheels.

A part of me wants to find a way out, sell my car, and take off to parts unknown to start a new life. This is something I have never done before though and it is kind of intimidating because I would be going some place with no wheels and no job. All my life I have lived in the Northeast and to go south or west would be quite a risk. The alternative though is to stay in a dead end town, with a limited amount of targets, and no jobs.

I feel like if I stay here I will just be giving up, there would be little chance to save up money, and it may be a couple years before I can truely get my life going again. If I take off somewhere else though, somewhere with public transportation, job potential, and targets ... I will be taking a huge risk. At least here I have friends and family to help me to get through this.

Anyways I know this is some really personal shit I am throwing out there, but I am hoping there are some guys on here that have gone through a rock bottom period, or who would be able to offer some of their perspective and help me to understand the relevance of this decision. How can I make the best of this situation?
"

Alright, so for some reason I found myself having somewhat of an emotional response to this.

It reminded me a great deal of the situation that I personally came from, and how important it is to me to always find a way to rise above it.

So here is my response, which I originally wrote up for the forum but decided to post to the wider audience up on here......

------

The challenge with certain small towns is that although it's cheaper to live, there is also oftentimes very little in terms of earning potential.

Canada, for example, has much much cheaper rents and whatnot however the earning potential is 10-100X less than it is in the United States. In Canada if you make $250,000 a year you're considered to be a very wealthy man or even a "rich prick". In a major city in the US if you making that you're, like............. keeping up with the Jones's.

Anyway, you may want to consider places like NYC or Honolulu where it's unnecessary to own a vehicle. Both have phenomenal public transportation systems, as opposed to places like Los Angeles where public transpo is virtually impossible.

I don't own a car and I have absolutely no plans of owning one any time soon -- and that's because I almost always choose to put the extra $1000 in gas/insurance/repairs/payments towards the rent to live centrally in cities where they aren't required.

If I were you, I would personally save enough to barely scape by for ONE month. Then I'd print of several thousand resumes (I'd actually start with a few hundred and modify them based on feedback) -- and approach employer after employer for about 13 hours a day until I got a semi-decent job, even as a waiter or a bartender.

Once I'd secured even a semi-decent job I'd keep applying and applying in every spare moment I had until I got a better one.

Of course, if you have no trackrecord of being self-motivated and working that hard in the past then there is very little reason to believe that you'll do so in the future. You'll probably wind up doing like 3-5 hours of applying for jobs per day and rationalize that it was a lot of work, however you'll soon run out of money and be left in a foreign city totally screwed.

That being the case, you may want to start with smaller, more realistic goals such as going to the gym 5 times a week and lifting weights, etc etc... Then once you've cultivated the habits of creating a goal and sticking to it, you can upgrade your goals to something more on the "wild side".

I've personally been broke without food numerous times growing up, so I have a hardcore hustler's spirit and to me the situation you're in sounds like child's play. Every time I think of being broke and hungry again I feel this massive panic in my chest and feel like throwing up, and then I start working like a fucking madman.

Your situation, to me, is like a nightmare I've been in myself multiple times. Stuck in a circular rut where you live in a small town in which you can't make money, however with no means of getting out because it TAKES money to MAKE money -- and to get to the place where you could MAKE money you'd need to somehow FIND money in order to get there.

Ugghhhh......

Still, I've been there many times and throw me into your shoes and I'd be back on my feet in under 90 days.... Seriously.

How would I do it?? I'd think fucking Big, and I wouldn't entertain a SINGLE thought that isn't productive at all whatsoever. The only thing I'd think of is HOW DO I DO IT and to KEEP FUCKING MOVING.

I've done this my whole life. It's the only way I personally know of to get anything done.

Imagine waking up in Kandahar Afganistan and finding out that you've been transplanted to a mud-hut village with filthy water and disease and despair.

You'd do *anything*, like literally whatever it takes, to get yourself back to America. It'd be like a horror movie where the guy is trying to get out of Hell and back to his family.

THAT is what going back to living in a no-opportunity/no-employment town with zero possibility of escaping is like to me. The things I'd do (and have done in the past) to get out of it are literally that extreme.

The challenge is that even if you're "depressed" or "sad" about it, you'll still stay there because it's more difficult to motivate/discipline yourself than it is to maintain at a semi-crappy state.

For me though, I wouldn't be "depressed" about being back in that situation.... I'd be vomiting and freaking out like I was in a pool of acid burning off my skin.

Sure, if there were no other possibility then I'd accept it. I could meditate and resign myself to find happiness in my own mind --> self-generating like I do when I'm on a 40 hour airplane flight or pushing through difficult challenges with my work.

But to me it's about PERSONAL STANDARDS, and one of my personal standards is not going back to that type of situation.

I will never, ever be without food again -- no matter what.

I will never, ever be stuck in a bad situation for more than 90 days -- no matter what.

It's like how guys will often ask me "How did you find the motivation to go out all those nights??"

The thing is, not having a hot girlfriend in my twenties and thirties is totally unacceptable to me.

It's so unacceptable that to fix it I'd do literally anything. I didn't have to "motivate" myself to go out anymore than you'd have to motivate yourself to jump out of a nazi gas chamber.

Mediocrity just isn't acceptable with all the opportunity in the world right now. I've been in mediocre situations and to go back to them would be like going back to the third grade and sitting there for a whole year PRETENDING to be stimulated by what's being taught.

It's just not something I would accept under any circumstances.

That being the case, my brain would go into "emergency mode" and you'd find me in a better situation within 90 days.

The thing is, you can read this now and get all motivated and pumped up like "Yeaaah I'm going to get out of here!!"

But as soon as you turn off the forum and a few hours pass, if you haven't maintained that level of emotional-leverage then your brain is going to find all sorts of rationalizations like "It's really not that bad here.... That Tyler guy is way too extreme.... He's just dealing with emotional issues and he can't find the beauty in the simplicity of a more straightforward existence like mine..."

The thing is, I COULD find happiness in mediocrity if there was a reason to, and if I had to live in Afganistan I'd do that do too. The fact is that I DON'T have a reason to, and that being the case, my personal standards for myself are that I treat myself as a "first class citizen" and I've got to treat my own life with the respect to do the things I truly care about while I'm at an age where I can appreciate them.

Hope that stirs up some thoughts.


Tyler

31 comments:

bryan b said...

you are the man

Steve said...

A bit off topic, but could nevertheless anybody explain to me what these jokes regarding the supreme court were about in the video? Excuse my ignorance, I'm not American...

Bio said...

Thanks man...sometimes you forget how hard people really worked to get to where they are. Reading posts like this puts alot of things in perspective.

Rock On

Anonymous said...

feeling with this dood.. i dont know how to get off my ass.. hope this will be a beginning, seems like everything goes back to the badside.. as always..

Robert said...

Tyler on fire as usual, this post speaks a lot to me since I have just moved to LA from Sweden, no job, no car, no room...yet. And I've also had social anxiety/phobia in the past that still messes with my mind sometimes and have to get rid of. And the way I try to do that is that I face everything I'm afraid of until I'm not afraid of them anymore. Actually what seduction is a lot about it cognitive behavior therapy, get through your fears, as is everything else in life. If you want a life that you control that is, not the other way around.

Thanks for another great post!
/Robert

Anonymous said...

Wow! Stunningly good post Tyler. Thanks. I've been wrestling with mediocirty in my life in 2 area's:

1) Pickup-Take the 7 who just gave you an approach invitation. She is alot easier than the truly *HOT* girl who is sitting aloof over there.

2) My weight. I lost a ton a while ago...but it has been creeping up a tad.

I've had a ton of "Reasons" for both. I knew something was wrong but couldn't quite figure out what. This is 100% right on, dude.

Understanding the why is amazingly helpful. The average is not acceptable. Being fat(or even heavier than I want to be) and with a girl who is "cute" or "OK" is a situation that I can't tolerate...it lead to a ton of unhappiness and a divorce already in my life.

Change. Motivate. do it. STICK WITH IT. I will.

Thanks man.

MD said...

" Right now as it stands I am stuck in a dead end town, with no potential and no wheels. "

First things first. If you are clinically depressed you won't be doing any activity. Just getting out of bed is a bitch. So, if you are...get on medication...whatever it takes...you'll need some temporary brain chemistry help. You can quit later.

Then, find out where there are jobs. Like I think in Vancouver, Canada they can't find people to work. The construction business I heard is ridiculous.

So, phone a doctor, get some meds, the actual ACT of doing this will make you feel better.

Next, get a phone, with some kind of cheap phone plan. Then go to an internet cafe, look at the job postings for various cities, see where there are tons of jobs.

The ACT of doing this will make you feel better.

Then, use that cheap payment plan to make calls. Take a bus to whatever city you need to go to.

Look at the amount of jobs for general labor listed here.

http://vancouver.craigslist.org/lab/


Get love from wherever you can. Maybe go to a church and cry in front of the pastor. Or ask to hold an old ladies hand ( yes, I've done this ) just human contact. Go to a pet store and pet dogs, dogs will love you.

(The key turning point for me, was the medication. You literally cannot out-think clinical depression. It is dangerous)

Good luck, I've just crawled out of the Abyss myself.

Anonymous said...

Tyler wow!
This was a fantastic post.
It's fuckin motivating.I am gonna live life at its finest.
Fuck..but my parents are holding me back. I am 18.I lvie in Hungary. I'd like to go to America.
That's the best place I think.
Any help?
Bye

Justin said...

I found this blog very motivating. Thanks for posting it here, because I don't check the newsgroups often.

Thanks again.

Sinn said...

This reminds me of a post I wrote a few weeks ago about keeping the sword sharp.

They say that if you ask the average person how much money they need to survive, they say 50 grand a year. If you ask the average millionaire, they say over 100k a year. It all comes down to how badly you want things. Which is the one thing we can't teach guys to have.

It's like in a kung fu movie where the good guy is a total bad ass and beats everyone, but it's only after he goes in the forest and beats himself that he is able to transcend.

Great Post.

S

Nilatak said...

I like this post. For me it's not so much a dead end town or shitty circumstances that motivate me as much as KNOWING that TIME is finite and that death is just around the corner. I am not terrified of death per say, as much as I am terrified of not having lived my life in a productive way. I don't want to be one of those people that wakes up on the couch one day saying, "Well, it's time to say goodbye to the world, WAIT!!! I didn't even see it or live in a way that maximized my potential!!! NOOOO!!" Most people aren't even conscious of it though.

I am also terrified of being old and NOT being able to retire. I look around and see people working into their late 70s not because they want to but because they have no choice. That's not going to be me!

- Nilatak

Someone said...

What kind of situations did you get into that led you into that kind of desperate rut Tyler?

Matt said...

Tyler this is a great post and it really shows a lot about you as a person. For most "gurus" they could care less about giving special attention to a single persons incident but you manage to take an individuals situation and show the rest of us how truly powerful a human can be.

It really shows that you are beyond the business aspect of self-help and you do it for riches beyond money.

You are a good guy and your words are golden.

Your ideas and energy has such a GIGANTIC impact on me at the age of 19 and I am sure that throughout the my never ending journey I will change this world for the better in many ways.

You are by far the best influence in my life and you have created a chain reaction of positivity.

Truth...

Anonymous said...

moved to tears by the video.

Anonymous said...

Outside-the-box is a business and marketing buzz word. The actual concepts and methods are refered to as lateral thinking.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lateral_thinking

Anonymous said...

this post gave me shivers down my spine. thank you once again for the inspiration Tyler.

Anonymous said...

Tyler i and many people i know have many difficults to maintain a strong level of emotional-leverage while we have an hard goal, why don't you write a post where you talk about how to hold it?great post

IvanVR said...

2 Steve

>what these jokes regarding the supreme court were about in the video?

Al Gore, the guy who said the joke, lost US president post to Bush by supreme court decision. That was a very controversial...

P.S. I'm not American either :-)

2 Tyler - that's a very good post!

Anonymous said...

==============================
trouble maintaining a strong level of emotional-leverage while we have an hard goal, why don't you write a post where you talk about how to hold it?
==================================
hey man, just adding some value here.
for emotional leverage and motivational stuff i really recommend tony robbins tapes, he has alot of great things to say about getting yourself to action , momentum getting yourself going , getting over procrastination etc etc etc.

im not sure witch tapes were what right now.
But you can never go wrong with the 10 bux paper book awaken the giant within to get a feel for tonys stuff.
tyler also recommends this book
dont get his first book go for awaken the giant.

time of your life and personalpower 2 are also kickass programs,
but just check out the book for starters.

n yeah i loved this post.
thanks alot for posting this.

I needed this bump in myself im getting goin again.

Anonymous said...

oh and thanks for that exellent tony robbins vid man.
it never occured to me i could find motivational speakers on youtube, i just use it to check out funny vids haha.

anywya

through that vid i started looking for that pakistani interventiong thing he was talking about.

and turns out he made a free site out of it
http://tonyrobbins911.com/index.pacq
where you can hear him tal kabout emotional mastery and directing it to 9-11 as that happened that night, its just full of value, and pretty long. Awesome stuff.

if the link isnt allowed, just google for tonyrobbins 911 or something. and no i dont work for the guy ha !

later
fluid

Ace said...

Well Said.

ACE

Ardegas said...

I found this to be contradictory for you, Tyler: To expend energy worrying about living life to the fullest in order to have no regrets in the future is not exactly "living in the now".

chemeng said...

Tyler,
thanks this came about when I really needed it. I've been struggling to even make it a habit to go out 4 nights a week and I'm trying to get prepped for hawaii. I'll be there for a week having a blast using what I know to "make it" as I have no formal destination other then the honolulu airport. Even though this "looms" over me I cant bring myself to of what I need to progress but now I see its not about desperate times calling for desperate measures its about having my goals set and being determined in what habits and lifestyle I want to cultivate. Thanks, even though this is some motivational emotional fodder, the outlook, the mindset that you expressed in this post is what should make these words valuable for years to come really.

Tyler-Real Social Dynamics said...

Steve -- The joke is about Al Gore, who is in attendance.

Sinn -- the "transcending" this is what I'm all about right now, and I noticed recently that after making progress a lot of my old ego is coming back. It sounds funny but I've been trying to put it in check all week... :)

Nilitak -- I'm totally 100% on board with the "do it before you die mindset", so much so that I actually think I made it hard for myself to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. That being the case, I've laid off of it a bit because I think it lead me to be unbalanced. At the same time, a super valuable mindset, obviously.

Ardegas -- still internalizing the "living in the now"... I think that it's something you can do instantly, but at the same time something that always needs to be re-reinforced.

Matt -- thanks so much bro.

Chemeng -- you will love Honolulu man. It's really a great place. I just went hiking today and it was phenomenal. Check out places like Makapuu beach and Pipeline when you get here as well.

---

Much much appreciated all the comments. Thanks so much!

Tyler

Deepvertigo said...

The question and the answer is almost exactly my story. I left France to England when I was AFC. I arrived with 1000euros in London (nothing...) and ate twice with homeless and waking up every day despite my english level to find a job then finally :
-part-time in macdonalds
-glass-collector
-bar-tender
-call-center
-Microsoft IT specialist

I will do it again once to live in another country liek US or Australia instead of Ireland/UK.
I know this time I will have money to survive without being hungry :)

Anonymous said...

that post is GOLD.... fucking insanely great man!! like AWESOME! "the 90 day rule" hopefully i'll never end up in that situation but that is some powerfull shit man


xxx

Jedi said...

Man, loving all this of late - it's getting me through exams bro.

Robbins is amazing - the energy levels are through the f**king roof.

Keep up the good work Tyler - people all over the world are really looking fwd to reading your ideas, and it helps them get through all sorts of stuff.

You should feel chuffed that you are making a difference on such a large scale.

Jedi...

Anonymous said...

When I need some motivation and feel bad, I watch "La haine". Best movie ever. Check it!

Mild Seven said...

I'm from Vancouver, a fairly big city but I still find the place stagnating and I HAD TO get the fuck out or else go insane.

Picking up and moving to another country, getting a new job, getting an apartment, opening a bank account in a different language, etc. are things that a lot of people tell me they could never do. They wouldn't know where to start. The thing is, neither did I, but I was so determined to leave that I figured it out step by step. I spent a good year preparing and researching, then one day I just left and figured it all out as I went. When you want it that badly you just figure it out.

Anonymous said...

haha! Geoff sent me this one also!

We don't motivate; we self-actualize.

Anonymous said...

Tyler,

Truly fucking amazing post. You've just inspired me into a bootcamp.