Monday, June 18, 2007

The Title Of Today's Article Is...... 1) Live Your Life, 2) Enjoy Women's Company, and 3) Assume Absolutely Nothing

Awwwwwww isn't that video sooooo cute...... :)

You know, one of the little-known-facts about this dating community of ours is that the vast majority of guys really just want to find themselves a nice, sweet girlfriend who they can fall in love with.

I mean, there's a million reasons to have a girlfriend -- the least of which is the hot, unlimited, convenient condom-free sex.

Given the choice, usually even the most skilled of players will take the pleasant easiness of sex with a woman that he really likes over having to approach, attract, call, date, and then ultimately "close the deal" just to get laid.

The issue, of course, is that in order to GET the girlfriend that we really want we have to TAKE ON the habits of a so-called "player" -- because the fact of the matter is that a skilled player is the type of guy who is never at a loss for an awesome girlfriend.

See, to WANT a girlfriend is to guarantee that you will probably NEVER get one.

That's why you've got to MAN UP, become an individual who is autonomous and self-fulfilled, learn how to be socially-savvy with women so that you live a lifestyle of abundance, and then come from a place where you OFFER VALUE to women instead of being YET ANOTHER dorky guy who throws himself down at her feet.

Of course, oftentimes people (and women in particular) come across the type of "literature" that's spawned out of this dating community and they're instantly *appaled*.

Understandably, at times it reads alot like a "rah-rah" session with a bunch of computer nerds on the revenge-path, like "That's right women!! You will PAY for my years of rejection after I master these tactics and techniques EVEN BETTER that I mastered EverQuest and World Of Warcraft back in 2006!! Mwhahaha!!"

This proceeds to frustrate the members of the community, because it's not particularly nice to be perceived in a way that doesn't represent who you really are (I definitely have a bit of experience with that one).

...and the cycle goes on and on.

See, there's a good reason we focus more on the balls-to-the wall aspects of meeting women then the sweet, sensitive, strawberry-gumdrop parts.

For most of us, we're coming from a place of being such gushy little snuggy-bears that if we were to further FOCUS on it we might well wind up back in our old hardwired tailspin of neediness and desperation.

It's blatantly obvious that we're more or less women's BIGGEST FANS over here -- otherwise we wouldn't spend so much time talking about them... :)

The thing is, we've already spent YEARS if not DECADES obsessing over it, so when we come to the community we throw our focus instead into being A-OK *without* a woman, and actually enjoying a lifestyle of dating and meeting new people.

In my case, I know that it wasn't until I was totally happy just DATING and even BEING WITHOUT a woman that suddenly women started popping out from behind bushes and fire-hydrants suddenly wanting to be my girlfriend.

Prior to that, I couldn't have gotten a girlfriend to save my life.... :)

(Or at least without her being a part of my social circle and having to finesse it over months and months...)

Anyway, this leads me to the real MEAT of this article -- AKA the "HOW TO"......

The biggest thing I've learned about dating after all these years is that you've got to STICK TO THE SCRIPT.


What is this magical "script" you ask??

It's really very simple...

1) Live Your Life

2) Enjoy Women's Company


3) Assume Absolutely Nothing



For real, I can't emphasize this enough.

Over the years I've taken enough scrapes and bruises to know that what I've written above is absolutely true, with zero percent exceptions.

My current girlfriend is probably friends with just about every hot girl in the Hawaiin Islands. I swear, I can't meet a half-attractive girl out in public these days without her asking about my girlfriend.

Interestingly, the majority of her friends are chronically single. They can't seem to find a man to save their lives.

That doesn't mean that they can't find a man to have SEX with... They're all quite skilled at that.

One of my GF's friends even went to great lengths to explain to me how she "manifested" (ala the movie "The Secret") being single for a year by posting about it on her MySpace page.

When I asked "You mean you were CELIBATE for a year??" she say said "Yeah I was single..." I asked again "YOU WERE CELIBATE FOR A YEAR??" and she started giggling uncontrollably.

IOW (for the slow folks) she basically "manifested" via her MySpace page being on a hook-up-marathon for a year without feeling bad about it, as opposed to previous years where she did the same thing but was confused about why it was happening.

As a guy it's hard to figure out where this trend comes from...

Fortunately I'm in a very "de-mystifying" mood today, so I'll be more than happy to break this whole thing down (with a lot of sweeping generalization that you'll have to have the common sense to work through, obviously...).

What's happened in Western culture over the past 50 years is that we're in a transition between the eras of "no birth control / no job opportunities" and "free love / equal opportunity".

Logically speaking, women feel that they're "supposed" to want a guy who's a good provider, but emotionally they no longer actually respond to it.

Being a "provider" is absolutely useless for a guy at this point in history and economic prosperity.

And no, it's not "kind of useful when a girl is looking for a husband..." It is UTTERLY USELESS, or at least, it's about as important to women as a woman's finances are to YOU.

As a result, women are being more and more conditioned to be attracted to "REAL MAN" type behaviour, and seriously seriously turned off of even the SLIGHTEST sign of neediness or desperation.

Is that a "bad" thing?? Absolutely not.

It forces you to have standards about the types of girls that you'll fall in love with and stop being a little wussy-boy and MAN UP.

See, the clique of hot girls that my GF hangs with all have a specific pattern. They'll start "dating" a guy and be really, really happy. Then the guy will actually start to want more from them and develop feelings *before* the girl does, and the girl will instantly lose attraction and start chasing after the next guy who's a bigger challenge.

I happened stumbled across a classic example of this on RSD Nation today...

"I met with this girl, we hit it off well, hanging out, etc. Awesome.

Had sex, all went great, awesome.

Now she wouldn't even let me touch her, wouldn't let me kiss her and generally acts like we just met. Essentially the attraction evaporated. She just wants to be friends and she actually LJBF'ed me.

It hurt of course. I tried to go back to generating attraction, all failed, it's just not working."

Ouch!! How many times have I seen this though??

Of course, reading this might lead you to believe that women just respond to being treated disrespectfully -- AKA they "love jerks".

Is that true??

I personally don't think so.

(Or at least, some girls and some don't -- but overall I think the cooler girls think that a guy who acts like a jerk is a pretty big loser)

Like, that's a really screwed up frame to be coming from.... "I'm going to start acting like a jerk to make women like me, even though I'm not actually a jerk."

Hmmmmm..... Smells like a higher level of supplication to me.

See, where I come from -- and what had women all chasing me for a relationship for a period of about 6 months prior to choosing the girl that I really wanted -- was just being TRULY HAPPY being single and TRULY FULFILLED doing my own thing.

Back in the day I used to wind up in bed with a girl by putting on a front that I was totally comfortable with myself just being alone.

But it wasn't actually true...

I was definitely MORE comfortable with it than I used to be, and as a result I got better outcomes than I had previously. But it wasn't until I was TRULY happy living my own life that I started to experience a personally unprecedented level of success.

It's all about enjoying women's company without the SLIGHTEST shred of attachement to outcome.

Many guys can put on the act, but there's still this "thin shelack" of neediness that's coming through.

It's totally unattractive and uncool.

The absolutely key formula for attracting women in my experience is fine-tuning your mindset and personality to be the kind of guy who sub-communicates a lot of qualities that women find attractive, and then just BE that guy 100% congruently.

Doing it this way means that you don't have to put on your "upbeat guy personality" when you do your first approach of the night. You're already "ON" because you're already "that guy".

You can LIVE YOUR LIFE and ENJOY WOMEN'S COMPANY, without assuming absolutely anything.

The best way I could put it to you is this......

In all my years of knowing my girlfriend's friends, has there ever been a SINGLE incident of one of them saying "There's this guy who likes me and he wants me to get into a relationship with him and I'm thinking about settling down..."

Mehhh.... Maybe there's been a few.

A *lot* more commonly though has been "I think he might still seeing other people and I want to make him ALL MINE..."

They usually obsess and obsess and talk about it continually -- ala "Sex In The City" reality.

That being the case, it's obvious that you have to be coming from a mindset where you're 100% happy living your own life, and LEAVE THE ROLE OF OBSESSING AND PUSHING FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO THE GIRL.

(On the other hand, I think that when you come across as "not knowing what you want" or "not having the balls to say what you think" that that can be bad as well... I got my GF into a relationship with me while pulling her hair during a pounding sex session and screaming "SAY YOU LOVE ME RIGHT NOW!!" and then later saying "You're moving in here... Get your stuff... Whatever... Whatever... Just get your stuff NOW...")

Anyway, generally speaking you've got to understand that AS A MAN obsessing over being in a relationship is NOT your role. You've already had sex. What more do you want?

Ask yourself -- (and answer 100% honestly)......

"Am I just vying for a relationship because I got lucky this one time and can't figure out how to repeat the result, and I think that it might be a while until I get laid again??"

If that's the case, you're still coming from a position of total scarcity!!

Relationships with truly attractive women come from a position of abundance, not insecurity...... Point blank period.

Would a guy coming from a position of "abundance" want a relationship with a girl that he's just met??


The fact of the matter is that you can ASSUME NOTHING about a girl that you don't know.

Does she have 5 other lovers she's going to keep seeing?? Does she rely on a harem of male-groupies and orbiters to get by in life?? Does she have an excessive drug or alcohol habit?? Is she an professional escort?? (seriously...)


There's simply no way that you can assume to know a girl until you've known her for QUITE A WHILE.

Maybe you think that you're one of the "Hardy Boys" and that your supreme intuition and natural detective skills will allow you to know a girl that you just met??

LOL... No possibility... Girls are far too socially-savvy to be that easily read.

That's why you've just got to live your life, enjoy women's company, and assume absolutely nothing.

Life is just chalked full of opportunity and amazing things to be grateful for. There is just so much to do in so little time, and you have to have a clear-cut standard about who you're willing to share it with.

You've got to be the CEO of your own life, and the guy who hires and fires who you hang out with.

"Just Do You."

Date. Socialize. Assume nothing, and be needy for nothing.

It can only bring you much happiness.

If you take this advice..... a phenomenal, sexy, amazing woman will be in your life before you know it.

It's just a matter of sticking to the script.... :)

Have fun!!



Eagle said...

Nice job Tyler.

Anonymous said...

Thanks. That's very clearly explained. Get that broad off your mind and live your life. Great advice. Although I had lots of IOI's from a lot of women this weekend there was this one particular girl that I showed neediness for (in the way you explained it here), and of course I lost her attraction because of it. I will live in total abundance. It's so easy, really. Assume nothing. :)

Best wishes,

Bigtime said...

Excellent article BIG T, I'm sure this will help me a lot...

I love that this information is instantly available to today's generation of newbies (i.e. "me") along with all the other resources. If I'd been born in 1930, I'd be FUCKED.


Support this blog by Digging it (and the other articles) if you enjoy reading it on a regular basis:

Anonymous said...

Thanx Tyler,

I'm just recovering from a oneitis and this article is just what I needed to put a more sane perspective into my life.

Anonymous said...

Thanks man. That was great!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Totally on point. BEING a player (in your accurate definition) gives you options and a natural filter for the girls that are actually worth being your girlfriend/s. If you're good with women, girls will chase your value to no end. Trust.

I've only recently decided to keep one girl full time that had the rare quality that I look for in a girlfriend and had/have no expectations but to live for the moment. She knew EXACTLY who I was and what I did and sure enough, everything you said is exactly what happened. Though attractive herself, she constantly thought I was with other women (and I had been up to a point. the bite mark on the chest that one time didn't help)

Funny though, there was a situation that even I was unfamiliar with. I never had expectations of how I might react to the fact that, even though she proclaimed her 'devotion' to me while dating, she was protecting herself from my ways by dating other dudes and not telling me. I kinda expected and told her that I KNEW she was dating other guys (because that's what girls do to feel validated as a desired woman), but after making a commitment to only hooking up with her, I had MY OWN issues of dealing with the guys she had been dating (us guys being the persistent pigs we are). It totally flipped the script on me.

It was retarded, and thankfully, it was only a minor thing that I adjusted to. Anyway, that's an FYI and the flip side of a player who rarely settles down. Take note and understand this possibility.


Anonymous said...

Awsome as always... It's funny how most of guys KNOW this shit... But we just can't act on it.. YET.
It's like 99% of people know that they should HIT THE GYM but at the same time they don't do it.

Also, being at the start of becoming good at this, I know that I take value and that I'm supplicating.
But hey, it's the only way at the start :)


Shambles said...

This is great.

I've noticed that since I've started gaming, opening has become very easy because I don't care if I get rejected or not.

That part of my game is actually pretty enjoyable, I enjoy doing it, and I'm detached from the outcome.

I've noticed though that in later game I'll act a bit "needy" when it feels like I'm actually going to get somewhere and the girl has suddenly vanished into thin air. It's because I don't have the same attitude through and through.

I'm going to wrap my brain around this one for a while.


Anonymous said...

This is interesting, its living your purpose out which is what I intend to do from now until forever.

Anonymous said...

It's scary how reading this, I can totally relate to everything youve said. [Even the part about the professional escort... My best friend found out his gf was one after going out with her 'exlusively' for 4 months]

Your writing is absolutley amazing. I'm gonna do this to the letter... starting NOW.

Anonymous said...

thanks alot for posting that.

its a real clear overview and i couldnt agree more.

you just cant be the value taking guy jumping out of the shadows with his skillset of attract phases ntactics.

you may be able to get some lays once you can put up the front good enough.
But when it comes to seeing her mroe often and relationships..

well...... the self is always coming through, the self will come through.
Because you cant fake you, your real mindset needyness etc will manifest and youl lose the girl.

awesome stuff man.

Anonymous said...

Holy Crap. That felt like it was written for me.
Thanks ya silly bastard!


Anonymous said...

TD, perhaps, you need to qualify that you are talking about high end dating? Because what about those swarms of AFCs getting GFs, just because most chicks do want to have a guy that they call and treat as a BF? This is a chick feeling that "she is supposed to have a BF", because many of her GFs have one.

Now, the part about sticking to the script is certainly right on! When one starts feeling that your rules do not apply to this girl, that is an immediate sign that things are about to take a turn for the worse. Remarkably, a Hollywood trained AFC would immediately disagree, "but she IS special!" (lol)

P.S. Where is the promised video of the claw? And, by the way, jlaix upcoming stuff is a true gem, the "air supply - all out of love" bit is a masterpiece!!!

mybirthdaypony said...

Tyler I like your posts more and more every day. You really have the perfect mindset for inner game. Everything you say is on point.

Let me ask you a question. If you were just starting out now, would you be reading this blog by TD? Do you think it would deeply benefit you? If not, what about it would be necessary for you to benefit from it?

Thanks, you are my new favorite guy.

Mwef said...

This is an amazing post. This is what i used to do before i had a slump and got into the community. I'm actually going to re-read it right now. Peace out. Gotta keep this blog going!

Ateeq said...

very illuminating advice and written in a clear and concise way. I wish there was a woman to comment on your advice as a counterpoint or even as an addendum to your assertions.

Thanks very much in any case!!

Tynan said...

Particularly fantastic article...


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post. You read my situation exactly; I just got dumped yesterday, and all I wanted was a nice girl to love :) And I definitely recognized the laziness in myself, too.

Also, more praise: your ability to analyze things and churn out a representative model based on previous work is OUTSTANDING. This is beauty of academic proportions.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for another good one.

Laurent said...

You do mean just do what you have to do and care about what is important for you.

That is a new-age kind of stylelife, very hedonist. I like it.


Anonymous said...

Totally bang on man.

Jason said...

"It is UTTERLY USELESS, or at least, it's about as important to women as a woman's finances are to YOU."

This line absolutely stunned me. I had to stop reading and just sit and think for a while.

Thank you for another amazing update.

Tyler, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you for what you have done for yourself. And a tremendous amount of gratitude for what you've helped me do for myself...Thanks.


Jedi said...

Another masterpiece TD. I truly love your work. Being recently back in the game, i'll enjoy internalising all these priciples and applying them in-field.


Anonymous said...

naw.. this is way too closed minded.

Sure, it's on point if you're into a string of LA Party girls who are going to bang you and then be into the next shiny thing weeks later..

There is something to being a provider.. there is something to building a future with someone based on mutual economics, there is something to a mature woman that realizes to build a family it's going to take more than attraction..

there is also a lot to what you say.. but you're wayyy off point on blanketly blaming a provider frame for sweeping failure.. or to declare that you should 'assume nothing'.. i love declaring what i want, visualizing it, and GETTING it.

or saying that being 'non-reactive' is the way to go..

i'm the most reactive player you'll EVER meet.. i live for being reactive btw.

i don't know.. i've love how far your posts have come, but you've been with the same broad for 5 years or so now right?

sweeping generalizations like this will lead to dead ends.


Anonymous said...

David the angelo , ON BEING A MAN, at least u should write where u get it from...

Anonymous said...

Awesome Article.

Find out who you want to be, then be that guy. Simple really. This is really the first piece of advice any guy who's looking to get good with women should take.

Good Shit.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Awesome post, respect.

Anonymous said...

great article. love MAN UP. great way to say improve your game chode bag.

Starkad said...

This is totally on point as always, your blog is pretty much the only seduction related thing I read. Kick ass!

Anonymous said...

awesome...keep 'em coming

Anonymous said...

Don't get rid of the blog.... where else can we read stuff like this?!

Good post mate.


Dave said...

If the general contention of your post is that men who carry themselves with purpose and passion - to the degree that their general character communicates "I'm on a mission to achieve 'X' and nothing can stop me" - are found irresistibly attractive by women, I agree! I wish you had delved more into your interpretations for why this is so. In my humble opinion, I think the reason women find this characteristic attractive is because it creates a dynamic that frames them as secondary to whatever the man's preoccupation is. In other words, by being peripheral to the man's passion, the woman willingly steps into a relationship where she is inherently devalued. This logic seems to jive with most of the stuff I've been reading in the community. Thanks for the post!! Give us more!!

Spitkicker said...

Tyler, you've outdone yourself again.

I write too many of these blog comments...but they are all from the heart..

Lovechild said...

Good Post Man!

I think this should've been the video you've embedded in your post
a video dirk "the faceman" benedict from the A-Team on Celebrity Big Brother Uk



Anonymous said...

this post is JUST WHAT I NEEDED to get my life back on track... the "assume nothing" JUST clicked with me.

this shit is GOLD



Biggie said...


this was prolly the best article I read in a long time, it was exactly what I needed, here and right now!

really I appreciate it! As much that Ill go straight to signing up to the superconference ;)

Matt said...

Tyler dude this shit is off the fucking meat rack...

You dictate the ideas that I am unable to explain and therefore bring some really positive clarity to my understanding of life.

Tyler you are a revolution.

Sting said...

nice read, but a tad too generic IMO.

This is one step away from saying - "Be cool, be confident and girls will like you". Duh.

ON PERCEPTIONS - society has Accepted Levels of Expressed Awareness (ALEA, i might just copyright that).

if a guy says "dude, be cool have fun, enjoy yourself and women will love you" - society isn't going to think of the guy as manipulative. ALEA respected.
if a guy like Zan talks about being a true lover of women - society isn't going to judge him as manipulative. ALEA respected.
But if a guy breaks down social interactions like an inventory session, the way you used to - society will judge him as many not very nice things. He shouldn't be so aware of whats going on and what he's doing, its not "cool". ALEA violated.

Still, thats where the power of learning is. Saying "be cool, be whole and be confident" is not where its at.

TD -
I have an understanding about you, based on your writings - and i'd like to hear your assessment of my assessment.
Before (about the time period you came up with Secret Society, How to be Geuine, Playing Hard to Get), your game was of a type to bring out a girls naughty, slutty side ASAP. after closing, they couldn't gel their everyday self-image to the side that you'd help unloose. so they didn't want to stick it out for LTR.
they were comfortable being sexual with you, but not 'just being' themselves.


Anonymous said...

It's amazing how all you said relate to my situation, especially that part of the post in the forum (although I rather feel like I'm exagerating things, but whatever).

I guess I was right from the beginning, never make any exceptions to your rules, even if it's for a girl.

Kajan said...

One of the best post in a very very long time.

Geoff said...

Hey Man,

Another great article.


Anonymous said...

Great post.

Looking forward to any future material you may write up on LTR's - when you do want to start a family, etc.


Bernardo Torres said...

Loved the CEO metaphor.

Shaman said...

"We're sorry, that video is no longer available."

Seems YouTube has removed that clip, could you repost it please? Or does someone have a link?

Anonymous said...

Great post...unfortunately I have been following this stuff for years and it has gotten me nowhere...