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Monday, July 16, 2007

My Career


I've got massive deadline to prepare for the "Transformations" release, which is coming out August 1.

A million things to do... A million things to do...

That being the case, I'm alotting myself exactly 25 minutes to write up this week's blog.

It'll probably wind up being an hour but let's do it.

This week I want to talk about my career and what's got me to this point.

I get a lot of questions about what I'm doing and what my future plans are, so thought I'd write a bit about it to give people a better perspective of where I'm going and where I've been.

First up, as a "figurehead" I'm probably about the furthest thing from the hang-out and party Vincent Chase archetype that you can get.

I maintain involvement in all management aspects of Real Social Dynamics, from promotions to web development to creative content.

It's never a good idea in business to try to be the guy who does everything (as opposed to delegating) but I have a working and up-to-date involvement with everything that goes on.

I'd say that my two my Herculean tasks are working with instructors to keep their skills and live program quality at top level, and generating content via massive amounts of research and creativity.

In order to get to where I'm at I've pretty much always had to have a consistency that few people are willing to maintain...

If that's meant going out 7 nights a week for years on end to get my POOO-AH skills as sharp as they can be, or constantly researching and re-structuring my workshops to get client results up higher and higher -- I've done it day in and day out.

For better or worse I'm an all-or-nothing type of guy...

If I'm not working every day I'm probably not working at all, so maintaining momentum is *everything* to me.

When I've got momentum I'm good to go for 14-15 hour workdays but if I take a long break I find that it's always an nightmare to get myself back on track. That being the case I like to take short, high-impact off-time like hiking in the Hawaiin jungle (mountains, waterfalls, etc..) or surfing on the kick-ass beaches out here for an afternoon.

Then I get back at it...

I essentially view fun as being a neurological recharger. It instills a self-reward system and allows me to shake off any built up tension or stress that I've built up and then -- bam -- I'm ready to go again.

A lot of people wonder why I have this mindset...

The simple reason is that I WAS NEVER "SUPPOSED" TO GET HERE.

I was never "supposed" to be anything in life. I was never "supposed" to make it this far.

Growing up I had failing grades in school and was always being pushed into alternative learning programs for kids with learning disabilities.

I was constantly in trouble in school and in the principle's office, or getting into problems with the other kids. Most of my friends were in and out of jail although I was lucky to avoid all that. I was prescribed all sorts of medications that they gave to kids like me who supposedly had Attention Deficit Disorder and Depression, even though I never took them.

For all intents and purposes I was basically meant to be the guy who if I could get through high school and land a menial job, I could at least live out my days in small-town Canada drinking beer and complaining about the government to my equally dysfunctional kids.

......and that would be if things would have gone *well*.

The big break for me was when Mike Harris (the Premiere of Ontario at the time) legislated a "Work For Welfare" program, and I was forced to start attending school five days a week instead of my previous two.

I was 19 years old in my sixth year of high school, and I remember getting back my first semester report card with straight A's.

I'd always scored poorly in school and it had never occured to me that if I would have just showed up instead of cutting class that I might actually do alright. I sat there vexed in utter disbelief and I had this nerdy European buddy who used to sit beside me like "Ohhh you could get into university with those grades..."

At the time I'd never thought I'd graduate High School and I thought of College as being for "Snotty dickheads with rich parents" so the idea of getting into a post-secondary institution was totally outside my frame of reference.

The story of how I got into Queen's University would take too long to really explain in this article, but I basically pulled every string in the book to make it happen. You guys can imagine the mental-clutter I dealt with on a daily basis, walking that old historical campus basically thinking "I don't deserve to be here... I'm such an imposter... These people have no idea who I really am..."

Overall I'd describe the first two decades of my life as being an amalgam of anger, depression, anxiety, and utter self-delusion.

I'd never go back to it... for anything.

Anyway, meeting Papa was my next lucky big break.

Papa pulled me out of Canada and introduced me into all the major cities of the world and taught me about what it means to live a life of abundance and success.

Papa is a very interesting guy, probably the most resourceful person that I personally know. He has a worldview that can be narrow at times but also disturbingly accurate in many respects. His view is that there are people in the world who make it and people who don't. The people who "succeed" have a work ethic and core values and willingness to shoulder risk that allows to them to make it in life..... and the people who fail to cultivate these qualities live out an existence of being a "have-not".

If you've ever seen the Japanese anime TV series of "Street Fighter II" -- I've always thought that Ken dragging around Ryu all over the world to learn from the masters and achieve self-actualization was a lot what our experiences were like. I'd love to write a book about it someday as it was without a doubt a hard-knock real world education at rapid speed, with all sorts of funny stories and debauchery along the way.

Both Papa and I have polar opposite skills and personalities and very different goals, however we also have mutual understandings and similar overall commitment to RSD.

Regardless of head-butting throughout our five years of working together, this has allowed us to specialize in our respective duties and cover all our bases extremely well.

We've really come a long way...

Back in the day we used to have to sneak into buildings under construction or abandoned school rooms to teach our programs. Usually we'd have to sleep on people's floors 2 hours outside of town and take a bus into town in the morning on 4 hours sleep to teach the next day.

We were always broke and hustling for the money to pay the airfare to get to the next city where the next program was, trying to avoid being stranded in a foreign country or city with no way home. My voice was always shot from teaching and chasing girls every day, and it actually took me several months of near vocal rest in 2005 to clear up the nodes that were developing in my vocal chords.

At the time I'd dropped out of college to get RSD off the ground, and my biggest goal was to get the money to go back and finish. I had to live in a walk-in closet in Project Hollywood for 18 months, because when everyone left it ran Papa and I several hundred thousand dollars into debt as he was the lease-holder and there wasn't a person on the planet who wanted to rent out the empty rooms (we bartered them for whatever we could get, which wasn't much...).

Being that far in debt at 23 years old was about as unsettling as you'd imagine it to be. I used to wake up at night with anxiety attacks on a semi-frequent basis.

It's funny because when I finally got back to college, we had a hard-earned professional reputation, we'd almost paid down the monster debt from Project Hollywood, and I had a great girlfriend to boot. Everything was all good and I felt like I'd almost "made it".

Then in September 2005 when I was still 24 years old, a New York Times best selling book by an ex-roommate comes out that basically rips me a new one.

Instantly the majority of my friends and professional relationships in the community stopped returning my phone calls. The same forums that were previously filled with awesome articles and kick-ass program testimonials were suddenly saturated with all sorts of anti-RSD sentiments and I couldn't even write a simple post without stirring up a flurry of hate.

Believe it or not, to this day I still get "I hope you die" type messages in my email and unpublished comments on this blog from time to time -- although I'm sure that none of these are remotely credible.

Mentally I was somewhat burnt out and really looking forward to that year away from RSD that I was supposed to spend focusing on school.

Still, out of nowhere the brand suddenly had a pretty nasty black eye and I was now called upon to be more resourceful and clear-thinking than I'd ever been.

Oh yeah, and I had to finish college at the same time... *shrug*

With a lot of creativity, research, persistance, and outside-the-box thinking I managed to not only save the brand but also to get us back to the top. People often say "That book did nothing but good things for you guys" and that's a tremendous compliment because it means we made it look easy.

There was a lot of the fear and uncertainty creeping into my mind at the time, and it really forced me to work out my "inner game" and get myself focused on what I really wanted and not what I was afraid of.

All during that time I had to keep on a strong face for all the people who count on me. I never had the luxury of complaining or thinking "I'm so frustrated... I don't know if I can really do this..." It's always had to be "This is gonna happen... We're doing this... There's no question about it... Everything is fine..."

Anyway, these days everything is good.

RSD is going strong. I've spent the last several years developing myself as a writer and a public speaker.

In the next few years I have a clear-cut path of what it will take to take this in the direction that I want it to go. The things I've been doing and that I'm going to do have never been done before, and I'm going to take it a level that nobody has ever seen.

At this point I feel like I've seen it all and nothing can stop me.

Things may continue to go as good as they've been going, or they might fall apart again.

Who knows??

I've re-wired my mind over the years to work effectively under pressure, and I've had an education that I couldn't have gotten in the finest of institutions. I'm 100% at ease to deal with whatever comes my way.

The situations I've put myself in have forced me to develop at rapid speed, and while there have been growing pains, it's allowed me to learn more about what I'm capable of and how resourceful I can be when I'm put in a position where I haven't got a choice.

I think I finally realized how lucky I am when I was talking to a married couple who are friends with my girlfriend, and I telling them about what brought me to Hawaii.

They looked at me and they were like "That's so f*cking cool..."

This surprised me, but it finally "clicked" at that point that while I'd been had some bumps and scrapes, I was lucky to have a lived a life that was challenging and interesting and that forced me to become that person that I've always been capable of being.

I feel like I'm living the dream and that my thirties and fourties are only going to get better and better.

Maybe that's just rationalizing and trying to make sense of my past. But I haven't met a single successful person who regretted what they've been through, because they know that that's an intrical aspect of what makes them who they are.

Anyway, as a so-called "self help guru" I guess it's my job to be open about my personal journey in the hopes that people in similar circumstances can read them and make better sense out of their own lives.

Hopefully that's been the case for somebody out there reading this.

Tune in next week for more ramblings on dating, self-actualization, and whatever else comes to mind!!


Tyler

54 comments:

luppin said...

Wow awesome post Tyler!
Thanks for sharing your story it was a really good read. I really liked the way you overcame some of your advercities. You are a very positive person, I hope RSD continues to grow because some of the stuff you teach is kick ass awesome.
Keep up the great work.

Pickup Podcast said...

Bro, you did make it look easy. When I met you I figured you were the most driven person I'd met in ages from day one, and it never crossed my mind that you were a fu-kup in school like I was.

You deserve your success, and most of all, you're still an innovator in a community that seems to be more of a recycling center than a research base.

I hope to get you on my show when you've got more time, i.e. after "Transformations" is released.

Best,

-Jordon (pickup podcast)

Anonymous said...

Wow dude, that's so awesome. All of it. Especially since you referenced one of my favorite anime series from when I was younger =p

Great story, looking forward to what comes out of you and RSD next.

Anonymous said...

Super Duper props, Tyler.

Hopefully one day I can come see you and give you a big hug for all the free info that I know I could not afford right now because I basically live check to check and live in debt as well.

Peace,

Ace

Niel said...

Hey man,

I enjoy reading your blog and I normally don't waste time on much internet.

I agree on a lot of things you say in general.

One thing i got out of your post that I don't agree on though is the belief of "YOU HAVE to be hardworking to get money."

This is something that's hardwired in you dude..

I had the same belief. I would Highly recommend you and other people who are reading this and want to have financial freedom to look into T Harv Ekers: "Millionair Mind" Program..

All best,

Niel

JC said...

Tyler,

I first saw you on DYD program. Not much impression that time.

Then I read The Game, and my view of you was biased. Neil is a writer. He knows how to write to convey stuff.

Then I ran into your millions of post, Tyler Durden Handbook

leo. said...

you know what?

I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!


hahaha
:)

be1man said...

Life is never about what you planned to happen, but how you reacted to what happened; many sink, and only a few rise to the challenge. That's what separates a winner from all other losers :)

Anonymous said...

This is one sweet article. This is quite inspirational and also practically useful, especially in terms of mindsets. You realize every problem can be outframed. For instance, there are many ways to deal with fear, like presence (think THE NOW), facing and doing it anyway (3 second rule), and outframing them. How will you ever know your confidence and limits unless you test them?

This is actually drive to not figure you've "solved" the game or something, but to keep pushing and going and going.

This crucial reframe of ONLY being able to test confidence, creativity, resourcefulness, etc. when the going gets tough is just great.

How will you ever know your true power and true confidence if you don't put it to the TEST in the most grueling way? That's fun as fuck. And if you can maintain true beingness and awareness while under pressure, more power to you.

Just great.

Absolute Marvel said...

hey tyler,
i just mailed a letter to the real social dynamics headquaters for you asking if you would be my mentor. i go into more detail in the letter and i hope you do get a chance to read it.

Marvel

FireStorm said...

Fascinating, yet a bit overwhelming. I guess to some extent that is where the lack of fear for fighting comes from that you talked about in the previous blog post (a childhood of uncertainty makes you shed fear). Is the RSD transformation being referred to after the book publication the shift over to a more inner game based approach as opposed to techniques?

Anonymous said...

i hope you live =)

Lee said...

Tyler,

You weren't portrayed favorably in Neil's book, and like any one sided argument, it was pretty convincing :)

I've heard you say that getting over that was the single biggest leap forward in your skills, and I really, really admire that!

You turned it into something you could learn from, and thats why your so good at what you do. Respect!

I think we come from the same place you and I Tyler, and if it wasn't for David D and yourself I wouldn't be the man I am today.

Thanks and Peace!

Machismo said...

Good stuff.

WHEN IS TRANSFORMATIONS OUT?!?!?111

-Machismo

p.s I dig your sunglasses :¬)

Dilank** said...

Good on you tyler. Keep going strong. It's interesting how ..almost every successful person has a similar story.

Big said...

Great little bio-post. After I read "that" book I had a bad taste in my mouth about you and RSD, but your writing and dedication to this is very obvious after seeing what you do and have done for the community.

More and more your stuff is becoming "self-help" meets "PUA", and I think that one day you will be the next Anthony Robbins.

Take care,
Big

Dan said...

Interesting past you have there, Tyler. I bet you're really glad you had the opportunity to get through it and make it where you are now

Just don't forget how many of us had your back when that book came out! We knew the real deal.

Anonymous said...

This is such a heart warming story, and I mean it in a good way!

A reject turning try hard turning a super star, there has got to be a movie in here somewhere!

But what I personally value most is your insight and how well it is articulated. Dude, there is a place for you somewhere at an Ivy league like place, so that this knowledge can be developed further and passed on. I hang out with the Ivy league professors all the time, and rarely there is such a great clarity and effectiveness being found as in your posts, whatever the field is ...

Don said...

Always inspiring to read your words Tyler. You have an amazing and fearless outlook. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Anonymous said...

Tyler I first heard about you in DYD's workshops. Back then, you were just another guy who tries to help ppl with girls.

But in the past year, especially with these blogs, you have almost become sort of a spiritual leader.

Perhaps you wont get to be famous like MLK or Ghandi, but you definetly have influenced us greatly just like them. Hope to meet you someday

Starkad said...

Awesome post. great achievements, story and attitude. You mean integral and not intrical! Inspiring shit, they should give you more time to write this blog is the first thing I check for updates.

Anonymous said...

Hey Tyler!
You are the living example for the fact that with hard work and dedication, and by walking your path without letting the shit that life throws at you bring you down, anyone in this world can achieve what they dream about every night and live a life of fulfillment, which is what ultimately allows people to leave their existence behind with a deep sense of pride and accomplishment.
Respect for you!
Cheers

Anonymous said...

rsd
Tyler,
words can't explain how mch your program and articles have shaped me into becoming the type of person I'm... well... still becoming to be. :)
I fell into your site by mistake after i heard it over a david deangelo cd (which i got off from strange ways... dont tell him) and voila! at first i was doing what was just u know... piling up on the theory. no practicals. i was self deluded that i was the man, even though in reality i had no skills... no lays and no coolness. dude, when i remember those days i get frightened, really frightened that i was thinking that way for myself.
Then i decided to get this right. that was when iran into your blog spot... then i ran into the community and got a hold of your former articles... did i mention jeffy's mails?
truth be told, i haven't reached that ideal persona that i have in my mind now...(i'll be twenty this year), but the fact that you can touch a Person in Nigeria, Africa all the way from canada or wherever you are just shows how YOU have come far in your personal journey.
I just want to say thank you.

Steppino.
P.S. YES! i've joined the community and would like to be giving you a personal update on my progress as times go... mainly for the motivation. my email is steppino45@yahoo.com if you want to ask me ANY question even how many times i clip my toe nails... please don't ask that.
Who knows i might even be the FIRST AFRICAN RSD EXECUTIVE.

Andrew said...

Thanks for sharing your story Tyler. Inspirational!

NLU said...

For what it's worth, I never took that book on face value. There are many times where the writer gives away that he still has low self-esteem.

Jedi said...

mate, you know what they say, it takes 15 years to become an overnight success.

obviously Tim fills me in on most of the details, but i truly admire you path, as it closely resembles mine. i refuse to live a life less ordinary.

congrats on everything to date, and as i've said on many occasions, i look fwd to that beer with you one day.

Jedi..

Loungelizard said...

Hi! I have a question to you Tyler, or any one else that knows the real fact about this. Im real cureous about this. I re-read The Game acouple of days ago and Im wondering, how much of what is written about you in The Game is actually true.

Really looking forward to the answer! // Loungelizard

Anonymous said...

I have alot of respect for you, man. Thanks for existing

tiger said...

hope you die!!! [said in a nerdy KJ voice]

:)

j/k

This article was the most heartwarming I've heard from your Tyler. very interesting.

The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly... who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotion; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worse, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt

Amen to that

Synth said...

Tyler, this post really shows character and class. Especially not dogging those that dogged you. It is inspirational when I see other people rise above principle. Keep up the good work. Respect.

logan said...

good little read there tyler.. i'd read your book :P

also.. August 1 deadline for transformations.. wooohooooo!

R said...

yo man :) been readin your shit since like 03' back on the old forum. times flown by, but its been a wild ride reading your progress. and my life is so much better for it...i value your insight to this shit and life. keep on truckin'

Shambles said...

I always feel sad when I get to the end of your blog, I want it to keep going!

Auberlight said...

Personally I found "The Game" convicning, but I read this blog because it has so much to offer. Even if every word in it was true, that doesn't change what you have to offer as a writer.

That being said, some sort of official response, or timeline of your side of events would be interesting.

Auberlight

Anonymous said...

Wow ! you are such an inspiration. now all I have to do is watch out so I dont live Tyler Durden's life but live my own life.

Ralph said...

Well, Tyler, Mr. Tyler Durton, didn't that guy in that movie went for ground zero or such?
Was that the journy you aimed for?

Just a thought.

PS: I love your writing style, its fresh and easy to follow.
Great Work! Thank you!

Ralph from Austria/Europe

Sanik said...

Thank you man, your a real source of inspiration for me.

keep going at top speed, see you on the fast track.

FireStorm said...

Even though an official response from Tyler might be useful as far as the Game is concerned it's not like you can't piece together what happened. You'll notice the events just by Tyler's writing style over that period. It went from a more robotic technique focused orientation to a more inner game based approach if you all catch my drift. You'll notice that at start the terms social robot were used. Now it is all about conquering the ego and reclaiming the self esteem you were born with, but lost as you grew up.

Jason said...

Great! You are inspiring. But about what you mentioned about Papa's 'worldview'-- well, I guess that I admire that you seem to not entirely go along with this stupid typical American businessman attitude that all the poor deserve their poverty. It's their fault for not being real go getters like Donald Trump or some... The Brazilians and folks in South America living in shacks are sure a bunch of lazy slackers for not making it big. Anyway, love your thoughts on life man.

Algeristo said...

I always have the urge to comment on your blogs, but I can't quite find the right words... maybe I can't completely relate to your high level of thinking, but I CAN totally relate to your struggles and your feeling of self-doubt. The way you pushed through those problems is inspirational. You said you never had the luxury of complaining...do you think that you would have been as successful if you had had? I think I should stop complaining about my little problems and just deal with them, because I find that talking about it just brings me down. I'm trying to find the power within myself.

Anonymous said...

that gave me hope dude...

Keep on hustling, theres no limits

you know the Ikea dude from sweden?

He got hes big company beacause he couldnt put hes coffe table in the muthafucking car.
So he decided to saw of the legs of the table.
And from there he started producing
Flat packed sofas, beds, you name it.

anyways nice blog

Aligator

NastyMick said...

This is why I like RSD. For all the community talks about 'value' RSD is actually the only seduction related company I would consider buying any products from, because you actually deliver awesome, well grounded content which is original, interesting, inspiring and motivating while keeping it real. Now in my book, that's VALUE. I like what you guys do a lot.

As a side note, I personally think from I've seen of your work, that the way you're portrayed in 'that book,' must be total schadenfreud on the part of the writer.

Keep it up dude!

Anonymous said...

Thanks man...

thats all ive got to say.
Youve been a big inspiration and a huge impact on my life.
keep doin ya thang homie.

thanks again.

Fluid

Reggy said...

I feel like I'm walking alongside you on your awesome journey. A real pleasure.

sting said...

respect and thanks.

i'm rarely bothered by seeing criticism in this community - but those directed at tyler d. for being a social robot genuinely disgusted me. people should be fucking happy that there's a guy whose all-and-everything for this branch of knowledge, instead of taking shots at him for it.

you know the biggest laugh i've had from this community?
Its how you guys managed to get yourselves the first ad off of a google search for 'Neil Strauss', selling something called survivingthegame!

many thanks, much respect and best wishes,
S.

Anonymous said...

everything about this article inspires me, and for all your success, i'm damn proud of you man

chemeng said...

great post, even though i don't think i had it as hard as you my past has been pretty rough, and you're right, I wouldn't change a thing. Something i've learned along the way, suffering is relative(it all depends on your world view), and if we're lucky we all have trials which build us (or break us) and in the end no one has an excuse to be a nobody nevertheless some of us choose to make excuses and others rise above the ashes to become incredible people. Seriously, our greatest strength is choice. Glad to see you made some good ones.

Anonymous said...

Great post, showing your human side.

-JimSmith

Julianne said...

Hey Tyler;

I'm hoping that this comment gets pulled before making it onto the board because I'm actually using this as a method of saying hello since I don't have any other way to say hello - and it's been a while.

Some years ago I either signed myself up or someone else signed me up for automatic e-mails from RSD. For the most part I don't really pay that much attention to them, but I just clicked on one the other day and got re-aquainted with where you are at. Good for you. Seems like you have come a long way!

Let me know if you are ever coming through Vancouver - wouldn't mind being able to catch up and hear where life has taken you in last couple of years.

Take Care,

J.Rock. carcone.

Dangerous said...

I can proudly say I did attend one of those break and enter workshops way back in the day...hates off to you dude!

Dangerous

Giacomo Gutts said...

very inspirational, Tyler, I wish I'll be able to talk about my career in a similar way.. though, I've got a long way to go to reach a point where I live up to my potential

Chic said...

Going through old blog posts... Just want to say, this inspired me. If you went through all that.... some of the challenges I'm facing can't be so bad. Cheers.

Robert Z said...

Great insightful post, Tyler. It does show that you are an actual human, not the monster that "Style" portrayed you as.

I am also in the seduction community as an aspiring writer and I live in Honolulu, near Diamond Head. We should meet up one day and I would love to give you an interview whereupon you could rant as much as you need to about any subject you wish.

Until then, take care and keep on truckin'!

Robert Z
(Secrets of Seduction)

Anonymous said...

i would love u as my role model