Thursday, September 25, 2008

First Big Gig !! -- Week Of Blasting The Comfort Zone

So this week I had my first big gig for 1000 people!!

I shared the stage with the people from the movie "The Secret" and various other awesome speakers from all different backgrounds. It was amazing.

My buddy Jesse hooked me up with this and said there was one caveat: "The audience is going to be 50% women."

Obviously I was pretty dumb-founded because 1) I'm NOT a woman, and 2) I've never taught this stuff to women within a professional context.

To prepare I sent out a promo to the email list in Los Angeles where I'd do a free 2 hour program for anyone who would bring a girl with them.

I think I must have had a lack of faith because I was joking with Papa that probably nobody would show up. But we had a solid turnout of about 50 people -- thanks to the 20 guys who had the guts to bring a girl and introduce them to this area of their lives.

The situation was absolutely hilarious.

Guys who weren't able to get a girl on time were out on the street pulling girls into the seminar. The girls who were brought in advanced were totally cool and comfortable but the girls who were met on the street were obviously initially skeptical (except a few who were super chill).

At first I felt off balance and disoriented, but the program was FULL AWESOME and I learned a lot.

For guys I spoke about how our paradigms in the game evolve, and for girls I talked about the games that women often play and how to achieve true substance beyond that in order to attract and hang onto a guy who has a lot of options.

I also invited the women to talk to me about their issues and we addressed them, which was really educational for me.

It was definitely a lot more, uhhhhhhhhh, "interesting" to be surrounded by a group of fascinated (and fascinating) women for Q&A after the program than my usual barrage of all dudes. :)

What I loved most about the program was that it wasn't a "Rah Rah!!" fest of guys talking THEORETICALLY about "hot babes" that they want to hook up with.

Rather it was totally blunt and raw (as always), but at the same time because it was 60% women IN THE ROOM it was more grounded in the tangible reality of relating to a girl on a level that escalates.

Beyond that, I felt like it gave a vibe where learning this stuff was natural and WIN/WIN, which gave the guys in attendance more than just theoretical knowledge -- but an actually internal sense of feeling super good about the material they're learning (as opposed to the "subverting the social order" type vibe you sometimes see in the PUA community).

The entire time I was thinking "WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO DO THIS??!!"

It's just so much more...........*REAL*.

Like FULL LEGIT and focused on the core of WHAT WORKS -- because the female energy in the room prevents the minds of the guys in attendance from deviating into "absurd theory land".

I could see a situation where every free workshop I teach has "bring a girl" as a being mandatory.

Obviously a lot of guys just won't attend out of fear of being judged (or inconvenienced), but it ultimately FORCES everyone to relate to women very directly when they're thinking about what it means to be attractive.

Anyway the program was this past Saturday and it was good preparation for the 1000 person audience which was on Tuesday.

At the same time, I could see that the material for Saturday's audience was NOT going to be adaptable for Tuesday's audience because it was so personalized.

This left me with a crazy amount of lingering anxiety over the next two days because I felt unprofessional and unprepared. My average audience is 50-350 of all guys, and teaching material that has years of polish on it. The idea of engaging 1000 people and half women with material being improvised on the spot was totally outside my comfort zone.

Regardless, I threw together a 90 minute presentation of what I THOUGHT might potentially jive with the audience and decided to give it a shot.

I sat at the back of the room with adrenaline surging while they introduced me to the front, watched as the big group jumped up for the standing ovation (despite having no idea who I am), and strolled up to the front.

With the sea of people I couldn't see the back of the room. The lights were in my face and I could see the big videos of me off to the right and the left.

I was so "outside my head" I didn't even really know what I was saying. The crowd tested me a few times and I just teased them down and got everyone laughing.

From years of interacting with women I knew all sorts of "hot button" topics that they'd find engaging, and obviously the material for guys had years of preparation.

It was soooooooo easy to break out the larger audience in laughter.

With a 50 person audience your humor has to be like a laser because people are more self conscious and many of the guys want to be "too cool for school". With a 1000 person audience the people are just waiting for an excuse to laugh. You can say literally anything and they're roaring in laughter and cheering you on.

It took me about 3 minute to figure out the "pattern" of how the audience responds and make the adjustment in speaking style. I'd never done a speech like that in my life. It was a totally different vibe.

But now that I've figured it out I feel like I "get it" and I'll never have to think about it again.

Anyway I was probably the most nervous and unpolished speaker, but at the same time I think the content of the speech was the most entertaining -- how could it NOT be with such an off the wall topic??

After the speech I walked back to the VIP room and felt my head and eyes pounding, as well as super nauseous like I couldn't eat or drink.

I think I was holding in a lot of stress from feeling unprepared the past few days. More than that though, I think over the years I'd been feeling a sort of repressed uneasiness about how a mass audience of women would respond to the ideas that are taught in Real Social Dynamics.

By communicating directly with women I realized that this was totally unfounded. Probably there are more GUYS who object to this type of material because they're rationalizing a life time of doing things WRONG than there are women who aren't into it.

(Obviously you can never please everybody or make everybody like you -- but bottom line is the crowd response was rock solid).

So from this I learned that 1) it's possible to do big audiences, 2) women love this stuff when you relate it to them with blunt honesty about where you're coming from, and 3) if you're willing to put yourself out there you can push through anxiety and adapt in the moment to produce results.

I take nothing for granted, but assuming I continue to work hard I know I'll be speaking to 5,000 to 30,000 person audiences within 5 years.

This was a lot like the first time speaking for David DeAngelo at the "Mastery" program back in 2004. Totally new and unfamiliar, but the experience that was a next stage in personal evolution.

The time and rigor has been put in over the years to prepare for this, so it's just a point of continuing to execute.

Thanks for reading!!



Jeffrey said...

This sounds so fucking awesome... get me up there ARRRRRRRRRRR~!

Halffull said...

This shit was so real.

The most real thing you've posted on this blog since it's inception.

Thanks for sharing man.

Anonymous said...

You rock Tyler! Congrats on undertaking this next step in your personal and your professional evolution.

Andy Haze said...

Hey Tyler,

Congrats and great to hear things moving forward in life for you.

Dimos said...

I told some people around here to compare Tyler from that DD seminar, to Tyler today.

Seems your are hitting the roof here man... I mean, as far as goind from the fear of public speaking, to this place, it's more than big.

I wonder what's next :)

Greets from Greece

Anonymous said...

Hey, have you got any video of this? I'd love to see what it was like, even just a clip

themachine said...

Awesome stuff dude!

That's one of the things I love about your new material: it's totally win/win. I remember halfway through Blueprint realising: I could show my mum this ;)

Glad it's all going well. I'll definitely be following your work as you move into the wider world :D

Anonymous said...

Good job, big T. I live in La I DIDNT KNOW THERE IS a SEMINaR!!!
cya soon, peace, jason.

Calavera said...

AWESOME BUDDY! I'm happy for you. Where are the videos?!? come on, you can't leave that out.

Erika said...

Hi Tyler,

First of all, your program last weekend was awesome!

Thanks so much for sharing your experience with the big co-ed crowd. It not only satisfies my curiosity about why you did the smaller program, but also I am so totally excited about the prospect of you bringing the guy and girl perspectives together on this pickup/relationship stuff. I'm totally fascinated by this stuff, so I go to girl boards and guy boards and see so much angst on both sides, and I'm like, why aren't we all communicating TOGETHER? Thanks for moving us in that direction.

Meanwhile, I hope you might be amused by a girl "field report" showing how I almost got seduced this week: (it links back to RSD nation, where I posted it).

This is my current contribution to bringing the guy and girl perspectives together.

cheers, Tyler. hope you and R and having an awesome week.

- Erika

Anonymous said...

Oh man! It so cool seeing you progress in your life like this. I've adopted the attitude of continuous gradual progress from the material you've written and have already seen some big changes in my life, seeing you just keep getting better is a real inspiration. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

tyler i cant even express how your pursuit to knowlege has changed my life , i salute you sir ~!

Anonymous said...

Cool beans! I hope you keep doing *some* work with small groups too.

Anonymous said...

Great Job!

I think that idea of not resistance works here. You accept that you are nervous, that you have anxiety, and it's ok.You don't fight your state, you TAKE ACTION, and state change.

I see you as major power in self help in 5 years. Waiting for your books in polish bookstores.

Frank said...

Much respect! What is the speaking gig through? I'd love to see you speak live.

Any chance of us getting an audio or even some video clips of you speaking?

best of luck,


John Kennedy said...


Hope to see more guy/girl seminars in the future.

- John Kennedy

Anonymous said...

wow! , congratulations , you are setting once more the example of reaching towards our goals despite uncomfortable feelings.

Will this conference be available in any form?


chod said...

makes me wanna watch the footage

Anonymous said...

owen man. really proud of you man... reading this i was feeling the anxiety you must have felt in the first few moments on stage. but you pushed through. that's what champs do bro...5000 is nothing. why not 50 000...keep bein an inspiration


Chris V. said...

You've been a vehicle in discovering and generalizing my best-self. I have incredible respect and appreciation for you and your crew. Thanks for allowing us to take peeks of your personal experiences. Your ability to be humble and honest about your initial experience with incredibly large audiences and not be a know-it-all that's unreachable is a testimony to your authenticity. You're an inspiration homie. One of the biggest influences of my life at the moment.

I'm watching "The Blueprint" for the 3rd time. Watched it 2 times when I first got it a few months ago. Few months later after some decent field experience and FINALLY starting to get some decent results I'm watching it for a 3rd time. MAN... I've got to tell you, I'm getting it. My comprehension is soooo much greater this time round.

If you get a minute. Check out my website some time. Just as you're passionate about your craft. I'm very passionate about mine.


I saw Jeffy when he was down here for his tour. PURE AWESOME.

Michael said...

Hey Tyler,
It's been awhile, almost a year since I stopped by. I'm can't say how happy I am you've made this jump. I hope there will ll be a chance to see the talk in the future. Keep up the great work.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tyler,
I have great respect that you spoke infront of so many people.

BUT I wouldn't recommend sharing the stage with people who are involved in this over-the-top nonsense "The Secret". I wonder if the audience was 100% New Age idiots?!

So, what is your target group?

Mat, Germany

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to the new frontier mark. This is the future for RSD I guess. I want to attend the next seminar.


Anonymous said...

thanks of everything I'm out see ya.

Greg said...

Haha, I enjoyed the 'absurd theory land' part.

I've caught myself doing that a few times in the past.

Anonymous said...

The seminar was definitly a bit awkward at first. It ended up being really fucking awesome/enlightening. We went out for food afterwards and listened to the girls talk about how cool it is that we are doing this. I took a girl that i had met a few nights earlier, now she wont fucking stop calling me!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you posted this. This reminds me that even guys who have reached an extraordinary level of success still go through some anxiety as they keep growing and pushing boundaries.

We are always growing.

It's all about the journey of becoming the person you want to be, and clearly, you are taking substantial strides to doing that for yourself.

This blog exudes unbridled positivity and beams value in all directions. Keep it up man.

- Adonis~

Anonymous said...

Awesome! Congrats on the success!

It's cool how so much growth comes from when you think you're not ready or don't know what to expect but do it anyway. Inspirational post with lots of enthusiasm!

Anonymous said...

Erika: OMG.

LOVE it.

kyle said...

I was at your saturday speech and it was totally awesome. I'm so glad I got to see it. Much props and good luck !

P.s.-- I told the girl I brought that we were going to a "Battle of the sexes comedy show" hahaha


F1ow said...

DUDE, you better keep us posted 'cause we want to hear about your growth, experiences, and success man!

Firstly, I liked how this was a post of YOU developing yourself.

Secondly, I'm ITCHING to see a video or audio (preferably video) of your new seminars. WHERE IS THE VIDEO??????

Also, how are you getting in on being part of those seminars and getting yourself out there? Are you like chillin with Tony Robbins or what?

You should speak at Universities as well, man. The stuff that you teach through RSD, to begin with, should be something mainstream. It's extremely important in my opinion. You might want to consider pushing to make it more mainstream.


Wish you the VERY BEST,


Chris said...

Hey man, congrats on your success!
I'm a college student at UTenn, read an interesting article for a philosophy class by G.A. Cohen called Paradoxes of Conviction (Ch. 1) that I think would interest you.. check it at -

Anonymous said...

Look, im not commenting on this post. Checking out the blueprint. Regardless of the great and profound content i appreciate the honesty and open mind behind it.

Im not giving u a bj but i will by u dinner if we ever meet. hugz/voffvoff

by the way ive seen my future. its me in an orange ford fiesta 92 with two hot girls that should have been on the red carpet.

Anonymous said...

When I watched the blueprint videos, I immediately though "whoah, this is mind altering. this is so far beyond picking up girls. this should be taught to everyone". hope that is what you are aspiring at. keep up the great work! you rule tyler ;)

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the next level :-)

Jean said...

fucking awsome

Anonymous said...

Welcome BACK!