Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Disconnect Between Being You And Getting GIrls

Have a look at this picture.......

Really examine it........

Get into it.........

Allow yourself to "zone out".......

Feel free to do so in whatever way you're inclined.........

Now maybe this particular girl is your taste, and maybe she's not (although it often boggles me how newbies will often comment they "wouldn't date" various models as they aren't their "type").

Point being -- and this is the subject of our article today -- is that there may be a DISCONNECT in your mind about your ability to attract a woman like this.

I mean, in a nightclub she's radiant.

A central fixture of the environment.

You can FEEL her options -- not only in her choice of men, but in her choice of where she offers her attention and time.

Meanwhile you and your friends are sort of hanging out, like............

And really, there's nothing wrong with that.

You're a guy. It comes down more to your attitude.

But sometimes, there might be a little bit of social conditioning that creeps into your mind.....

Like "Maybe I really don't match up with these girls.... Maybe looks really DO matter and these master POoOoOO-AH guys just have some special angle they're not telling us about....."

I go through it myself.

My first three years of RSD I was on the road constantly and never watched a minute of television. I didn't even know who my Prime Minister was anymore, let alone what were the latest "beauty standards" of the media.

Eventually though, I went back to school to wrap up my degree and my house mates had a television. I started watching it on occassion, and one day found myself ACTUALLY THINKING that all my success was some sort of dream.

I started doubting what I'd actually accomplished.....

Chode culture was saturating back into my veins......

Albeit some pretty FUNNY and INTERESTING chode culture, but chode culture nonetheless.....

Anyway, it's funny how your mind will play these tricks on you.

Like, you see guys on TV and it just MAKES SENSE that they'd get a higher quality of girl that what you're capable of.

They seem to MATCH.

And you look at yourself and you think, "Am I really cut out to date a girl like that? Would we realistically make sense together?"

There's a sort of GAP or DISCONNECT that your mind can't bring into alignment.

To your mind it just DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

The thing is -- the way you THINK the whole "secret society" of dating hot girls works probably isn't how it looks in reality.

There are a lot of truths that you're going to learn when you date these girls.

You're going to learn that they're often insecure.....

That they often compare themselves to other girls.....

They they often can't manage their emotions......

That they often can't manage their lives......

You might even find that they have all sorts of random quirky tendencies, like that they're so needy for sex it becomes UNATTRACTIVE -- or other weird stuff like that they worship some kind of new-age voodoo mythology.

In the clubs they're goddesses, sure -- but once you date them, you realize that they're still HUMAN BEINGS.

....and you learn to forgive them for it and love them anyway.

Isn't it sweet? Awwwwwwwww.... :)

Of course, it's a huge surprise when you find out that this is how things go actually down -- because you always thought that once you could attract these girls that your ENTIRE LIFE would suddenly be magically sorted out.

The thing is though -- and this is definitely something to chew on -- virtually ALL GIRLS have the ability to get themselves a hot guy on command (even the least attractive girl you've ever seen).

Good looking, "alpha male", hot guys go home with the most hogger girls ALL THE TIME.

They look at their hand, they look at the girl, they look back at their hand -- they sort of shrug, smirk, and take the girl home.

Are these girls any happier for it? Has it enriched their lives in any way? Sort of. Kind of. It depends on how you look at it.

That's the irony.

Sex isn't going to do any more for your life than having access to non-stop gourmet food or a giant screen plasma TV. It's awesome at first, but eventually things come into equilibrium and you either take it for granted or you don't.

If you're a guy who has the tendency to APPRECIATE and LOVE all things he has in his life, you'll probably appreciate and love your future girlfriend. But if you don't appreciate and love what you have NOW, you probably won't appreciate the girlfriend that you eventually get.

You'll grow bored.... Believe it or not.

Point being, there really IS NO GAP between yourself and being worthy of these girls.

At least, no gap that you're not able to eventually close.

It comes down to becoming a better person.......

Building sharper social skills.....


This stuff is all learnable.

If you want it for the right reasons, you'll get it.

All that superficial conditioning you get from the idiot-box -- it's NOT TRUE.

You've got to remember that.

There is no gap. Or there is no spoon. Whatever.

Once you get to know a girl, and once she gets to know YOU, the dynamics of attraction get totally scrambled.

Perceived value goes up or down. The lines get fuzzy.

The question is whether or not you CARRY YOURSELF in a way that's attractive and break through that INVISIBLE WALL.

And just as importantly, can your brain DISASSOCIATE from the brutal disconnect between your own value and hers for long enough that the true dynamic to become apparent.

It's not a technique we're talking about. It's a way that you live your life.

Knowing who you are.....

Knowing what you value......

Knowing what your personal boundaries are......

Knowing how you expect people to act around you, and offering that same value in return.

All these things are the foundations of keeps your mind CENTERED and allows you to LIVE THE TYPE OF LIFE THAT YOU WANT TO LIVE.

Life is too short to do otherwise.

So keep plugging away at it, and eventually you'll see that the disconnect was only in your mind.... :)

If you're centered enough to actually appreciate it, the results will be worth the stretch.



Westley Pipes said...

Good post. Every now and then i'm in the club and i'm all rockstared out and a radiant chick like that will float through and catch my eyes.

She's a club girl, and it's a natural environment for her. She's busy giving her standard club smile to people and when she sees me it fades. The corners of her eyes relax as she takes me in and i can see exactly how REGULAR she is.

She's just a girl, like any other girl. Once the playing field is levelled, you're reminded that she takes dookies just like you do.

And they probably stink worse cuz she has bad eating habits to maintain her girlish figure.



Anonymous said...



This is money, this is value, this is it.

Anonymous said...


no just kidding what you say is 100% true. i ve just split up with a girl (i finished it with her) 10 days ago then went out on saturday a pulled one of the hottest girls i ever have (9.5) and she was asking me if i thought she was good enough for me...

well done tyler keep up the good work , you deserve your acolytes..

~Shazam! said...

Yep. Very true about how in a relationship you find out that hot girls are really the same as any other person. They're NORMAL. Good stuff. No need to be extra nervous if she's extra hot. Or nervous at all when approaching for that matter.


Anonymous said...

I understand what you are sayng logically, Tyler. But it is quite the challenge to be congruent with the belief of being able to have a hot woman like that in my life. It's tough but I know beliefs can be shaped and changed.

Moro said...

This was inspirational.

Mainly because I do feel that disconnection. It may happen during the first few minutes or while I'm already in bed with her cuddling.

I just feel a huge lack of entitlement. It's like my brain keeps reminding me "You're a chode, this is all a product of a combination of routines. This is not you".

It's so frustrating.

Hopefully, you'll article will shed some light, once I get to internalize it.

Have a good one T.


Max said...

"Point being, there really IS NO GAP between yourself and being worthy of these girls.

At least, no gap that you're not able to eventually close."

I like this because right now I feel I am working on "closing" this gap... in my own ways :) I feel that there are certain ways I need to evolve myself...

I was curious though, when you talk about how you "studied masculine polarity, bulked up, and lowered your voice a few octaves" was this with the intent of bettering yourself and in your way "closing" this gap... changing yourself and therefore changing what you *deserve*? It is working wonders for me and I wondered if you had a similar experience.

Awesome articles as always :)

djkc said...

Tyler, man, you are soooo right on!
Great value in your weblog posts.

Darth said...

Great article mate!

Dudes...masculine polarity:

The website is actually pretty sick, and I've only been on it for about five minutes. I wonder if the dudes writing this aren't PUAs themselves.

tffl said...

Yeah, a while back I realised that I simply could not imagine myself being involved with this exceptionally hot woman that worked at the college I was attending. I really just could not imagine it being a reality. I saw her with her boyfriend, who appeared to be a fairly normal, cool guy. Nothing spectacular, right? So what's the deal?

One of my biggest limitations is my own mind. I've been working on visualisation recently. That's a subject I'd like to see a blog on, if it's anything you can relate to or write about. If not, Brian Tracy's doing a pretty good job, though I do enjoy your writing style, Tyler. :)

mehow said...

lol - my current gf and just about every hotty i've ever been with has all the problems Tyler listed.


Anonymous said...

Right on... except I believe that all girls have low self esteem. haha

People are people. That goes for hot girls or the president of the United States. I'm not intimidated by anybody. (Is there really a reason to be intimidated by anyone anyway?)

All people like to laugh and appreciate a personal connection (one reason I think I was blessed to learn this being born mid-west and raised in Texas).

Cheers maties!


Anonymous said...

smart post. the use of videos and photos REALLY drives the point home for me. thanks.

Anonymous said...

This is a really really good post, I feel inspired :-)


Joe Brody said...

Good Stuff Man. This is a conclusion that I have come to in the last six months - although I don't think I could have put it so eloquently.

Anonymous said...

Great post, how true once you get to know these hot girls they can be real pains in the ass. Put in my mind do I have the life style to keep them ?( new car, money)which stops me from trying to hit on them.

Atl_Mack said...

REAL GOOD SHIT TD... I haven't read any of your writings in damn near 2 years... I see you have grown and evolved... Keep it coming Playa!

Matthew said...

"Now maybe this particular girl is your taste, and maybe she's not (although it often boggles me how newbies will often comment they "wouldn't date" various models as they aren't their "type")."

Some of us are turned off by blatantly fake boobs (as the girl in the first picture has). Yet at the same time, if this is a high-status girl (she is otherwise quite hot), one wouldn't want to be weak and make excuses for not approaching her.

Anonymous said...

Very insightful article. I'm sure is going to help me and other people a lot. Thanks.