One of the things I've always found so cute about women is how competitive they are.
It's funny to see them out at the club all "tuned in" to which girls look better, or who's getting attention from the hottest guys ("hot guys" = rationalization for guy who makes them feel attracted --> looks are not actually relevant).
I figure as a guy that I've got it pretty easy.
9:30 --> throw on tee-shirt
9:31 --> strap on boots
9:32 --> brush teeth
9:33 --> add extra layer of deoderant (or not.......)
9:34 --> straighten hair with fingers
9:35 --> head to the club
Heck, back when I was single I sometimes just waited until 2am and walked down to the club in my PYJAMAS as it was emptying out...... *shrug*
Girls on the other hand don't have it so easy.
Most of my female friends can't even GET to the club without a MINIMUM of a 2 hour advanced warning.
Ouch!!!
Still, that's what makes girls attractive, in the sense that they're so quirky and crazy that as a guy it makes them DIFFERENT from you.
Anyway, this leads me into what I think is one of the biggest misperceptions in this community.
A lot of guys go out to do what they call "gaming" (or worse, "sarging") --> which is basically a ridiculous term that implies the following thing:
1- You are consciously "DOING" something to the girl
2- You are coming from a position of lower value, and trying to create a shift in the balance of power
3- You are a chode "PICK UP ARTIST" trying to get a girl to VALIDATE your fragile sense of identity
This might sound like a subtle distinction, but the WORDS that you choose to use will always be reflected in your psychology and thus in the way that you come across.
See, one of the core concepts of male/female dynamics that guys often "lose touch with" is that girls often get crushes on guys, compete for guys, will generally go all-out BONKERS over a guy that they like.
This stuff happens ALL THE TIME.......
If you're ever been cheated on in a relationship I'd bet that the girl you were seeing was probably the one doing the calling to the guy that she cheated on you with, as opposed to the other way around.
At very least she talked to you about him first, like "There's this guy at work, and he totally likes me but he's such a loser there's no way I'd ever think about it....."
You might also recall that old story of Jeffy hooking up with five different girls from the same clique when his soon to be girlfriend initially shot him down.
After he systematically bedded all five (the running joke was that it was "Kill Bill" style -- he REALLY liked this girl), she finally broke down and said "Alright I'll date you, if you'll stop hooking up with all my friends...."
That was the start of a wonderful long term relationship for both of them, involving all sorts of threesomes and whatnot.
Very "Walt Disney" if I do say so myself......
So, the question then is what does all this have to do with YOU??
You might be reading this thinking "OK, so if I get girls competing for me that's a good way to meet a great girlfriend.... Awesome.... But I can't even START A CONVERSATION!!"
Well, first up if you're not going out to public-gatherings to meet women on a regular basis, TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GO OUT.
What was that.....??? Pardon.....??
You thought you could learn how to do that ON THE INTERNET and spare yourself from ever tasting rejection??
Riiiight.
Man up and get out there, and you'll find that an article like this one starts making a lot more sense because you have the "reference experiences" and "context" to understand it.
Believe it or not, what I'm talking about here is NOT ADVANCED.
Anywayzzz...........
As for the issue of girls being competitive, it really comes down to that old axiom of "BE YOURSELF".
Of course "being yourself" is a very vague expression, and we could spend all day hashing out the semantics of it.
For me though, what "being myself" means is just going out there and HAVING MY OWN FUN, and then basically allowing the girls to play at being allowed to be involved.
If I'm out I'm going to be SINGING --> FOR SURE.
I'm also going to be laughing, having fun, and it's MANDATORY that I'm the most FUN-HAVING mofo in the room.
Why would I be in a nightclub after a loooooooong week of working to walk around like a weirdo-creepy-man scoping out girls???
It just doesn't make sense, and it's certainly not congruent to a guy who's supposed to be a "naturally attractive guy".
Now as you're out at the club HAVING FUN you'll see that people will look at you or even gives you cheers and stuff like that.
As that happens the girls will start to perk up and hover around you without any of your conscious effort.
The natural tendency when this happens is that when the girl that you like starts engaging you, you start talking and talking and talking to her. Of course that means that you weren't really having fun FOR YOU, and it was only a ploy to get attention --> which means it doesn't go anywhere.
This is about REALLY HAVING FUN FOR YOURSELF.
If you're not capable of that, sorry to say, you'll probably never be all that great at getting girls.
Only creepos and weirdos don't have their own fun, and base their fun on attention from women.
So now as you've got attention, you'll find that the girls see that other girls are giving attention.
They'll start chatting you and as they do, the key is just to continue on IN YOUR OWN REALITY and KEEP HAVING YOUR OWN FUN.
Yell.......
Sing........
Bust jokes........
Chat up the people around you, and call out your friends from across the room.
The girls will start grabbing you and groping you, getting all competitive for your attention.
You'll be chatting to your friends (and all the people around you) and they'll pull your face and poke you to get your attention, which you only give them if they are AUTHENTICALLY more fun than everything else you've got going on.
Again, it's "BE YOURSELF".
At that point you can start qualifying them, and watch in amusement as they pull all sorts of scandellous cattiness to get your attention for themselves.
The "Who gets to go home with him??" mode has been switched on in their minds.
This continues on until they ask you for your phone number, ask you what you're doing after the club closes, etc etc....
It's funny that it's really AS SIMPLE as just going out, having fun, and just pulling girls into your reality.
I mean, who would have thought??
Really though, this is how it's meant to be. Give it some real thought, and you'll see it makes perfect sense.
That's it for now.
Tyler
23 comments:
This is SO true! It's like being a celeb at the club! All eyes on you and EVERYONE wants to meet you while you're having a blast. The people that you meet will ADD to the fun you are already having. Thanks for another top notch article Ty!
Great advice but its easier said than done.
Sometimes some crowds are hard to have fun with, or the party could be legitmately lame.
Thanks Tyler!
To my mind, this article is a De-Mystification of all that PU-stuff.
It all comes down to:
Being a happy, self-confident and social skilled person.
Techniques and routines are basically for unhappy, socially retarded persons. this is no offend. I am also, still such a person. it's quite easy to become like that in western civilization where money and selfishness are our gods.
Guys like you help to get a better, deeper focus in life. Thanks again.
Greetings from Germany,
Martin
Love the kitty pic! SO CUTE
Ok, so then I SHOULDN'T be going out to clubs alone then?
Anonymous 1:29 is beyond hope. He is so obviously not a cool guy. And never will be one by the sounds of things. I can make my own fun anywhere; even if every girl in the club is a total bitch...or if that doesnt work [which it usually does] there's always just move to another venue.
This is another really good blog Tyler. Thanks
Mick, I think that he's asking the question more to see what the answer will be because it's a self-doubt that he knows he has.
Anonymous, I think the point of "masculine polarity" is that you draw the energy from INSIDE yourself rather than from your ENVIRONMENT.
So rather than looking outwardly to make the party, start from inside.
I know this sounds somewhat cryptic, but just keep it in mind next time that you're out and see if it helps.
Tyler
It's sad that most people will never really understand this, not to talk about doing it...
Tyler love your work and love your thinking but, why did you spent all these years learning these stuff, getting paid so much money saying all the other stuff when you think that it is so much simpler.
Because actually you are completely bringing down what you have been saying up to now.[on this last post]
The blog is really good and you are getting stronger as a public speaker. Your articles are really inspiring. I know you dont look for it, but anyways you deserve a BRAVO for the whole effort of sharing nicely your ideas with us.
Keep up the good work.
MrSpok
PS I would really want to know how was your time in Greece. But that is another convo...
hey tyler i just wanted to ask if you have in mind to come to mexico? if you are try to come to monterrey
ciao
At very least she talked to you about him first, like "There's this guy at work, and he totally likes me but he's such a loser there's no way I'd ever think about it....."
Yeah, fuck you for making me think my girlfriend could be cheating on me with the creepers trying to get into her life. Other than that, you make a good point about energy drawing in girls.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-jksiEEITo&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Efacebook%2Ecom%2Fhome%2Ephp%3F
- spoons
Tyler,
Totally on the mark on the cheating stuff...thats exactly what she said before cheating on me with him.
What causes that though, why does a girl in a stable,LTR, which is headed the right way suddently decide to throw it all away? Especially when every1 around her is telling her what a loser the new guy is, compared to who she is dating!
Also, for future reference, how does one avoid this situation?
tyler dude, i get that this is the end goal but to write an article like this does nothing for people that arent there already.
when you have the ability to do this stuff then hooray, but if your hopeless at it then the only way is to just go out, on your own if needs be, and try to get skills.
why would you write something like, why would i go out to clubs alone like a creepy wierdo, you did this probably a million times and thats why your getting the results that you do. You wouldnt be where you are today without those 100's of nights that you were that exact creepy guy going around getting rejected by every chick in the room.
Dont write it off, coz thats how anyone that gets good has to start out. And one of the main reasons I know this is coz this is something you have told me.
I'd love to hear your response to this, because one of the best things about your writing is that it is so inspirational as a result of you having been there and having done it.
Cheating --> I'm not totally sure how to avoid it, but I think that overall it's a point of manning-up and not taking ownership of it if your GF is immature and decides to take that course of action.
As for how to get to the level I'm talking about in this article, ANYONE can do it. I definitely wouldn't have posted it if I didn't know that for a fact.
Try following the instructions of the article specifically, and post an FR on RSD Nation. I'll gladly offer any feedback that I can give.
Tyler
Oh sorry, just re-read the question.
If going out alone then just apply the same principles with the people that you talk to.
What I was referring to was more when two wingmen go out and do the old "value-scanning" --> where they look like they're not having their own fun or creating their own vibe, and wander around looking to work their way into other people's groups.
Better is to have your own thing going, and then merge in. If you're on your own you can do the exact same thing just by meeting various people in the room and having fun with them.
Tyler
lol.. thats exactly how it happens
Awesome Tyler. Awesome. Sounds like my nights out. ;-)
I want a burrito.
As far as cheating goes, you just have to accept the fact that if she meets a guy who flips her switches AND the logistics are right, she is just as likely to cheat as you are.
Somewhere between 20%-50% of WIVES cheat, so I bet the % of cheating LTRs is higher.
I don't think you can 100% avoid that situation. All you can do is always be a man that women like and watch out for the logistical situations that are conducive to cheating.
Morality aside, if you are concerned about an LTR cheating, I recommend you cheat on your LTR.
It's harsh, but that's the only way to understand the process of cheating, the logistics, and the emotional feelings toward the other person, toward your LTR, and toward yourself.
You may find that you're racked with guilt, you may find that you want to leave your LTR, or you may find that nothing changes. In the end you find out something about yourself.
Only then can you can make an informed decision as to how serious of an infraction cheating is to your value system, and whether to kick a girl to the curb or let her make amends if your an LTR ever cheats.
Tyler do u notice you have just Re-Worded the whole be 'loud alpha male' center of attention, if i sat back in a club and observed your actions from now compared to how you used to PU before, it would still boil down to the same basic structure, garner attention, ignore hb's, let them work for it. Your just re-framing what you've always said.
when are you coming to sweden??? :D
This is a big problem for guys that dont socialize alot.
The cool dudes know where the fun is, but they dont go out with nerds because nerds screw up the fun, even simple fun like chilling out.
Nerds and other socially incompetent guys, dont got nothing against nerds.
And since their friends are like them (also nerds), they didnt find out about all the fun stuff there is to do at those places.
So people say about them that they dont know how to just have fun.
Have fun doing what ?
This is the best I ( -a recovering nerd) could come up with:
-chill and enjoy drink at the bar
-try out some interesting routine or tech on somebody, for fun, to see what hapens
-chit chat w some girls (gigle gigle hahaha)
-dance (except I cant dance :PPP, but could be fun)
-hang out w wingmen (nerds out to PU, or ex-nerds partying by geting drunk - f*** that)
-sing karaoke
-try out stand up comedy (there are no places around here that I can think of, but its a thought)
It would be great if you would help theese guys out with some practical tips like:
"Some fun things to do at a club" (or wherever),
and-or:
"Tips for improving and enjoying the experience of hanging out with cool dudes". (tips for hanging out with cool dudes)
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