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Monday, July 23, 2007

"Transformations" For Advanced Players -- Making The Come-Back

OMG what a day...

I'm packing up my apartment to leave Honolulu for around six months to a year.

I've got the NYC Blueprint Superconference coming up this weekend, and I've got to have the final preparations ready for the massive "Transformations" release that's coming out August 1 2007, 12PM EST.

(Have you gotten on the VIP Interest List yet?? It's at www.becometransformed.com)

Add to that I try to have the blog updates out on-time every Monday, so let's hammer this out FAST.

Today I want to talk about some "advanced-level" concepts...... which of course means that 90% of you will have absolutely no idea WTF I'm talking about.

That's OK.

You can "imagine" what it's like, and then come back in a year or two and re-read this article.

So......

When you're talking about "Transformations" you're talking about taking on a new lifestyle.

This lifestyle is a quantum-leap ahead of the way that you were living before, and it's a lifestyle that basically has a pattern.

You start out clueless, or maybe as a guy who wants to hit that higher level of success you know you're capable of.

At first you read up on the basics and you make a habit of going out and striking up conversations with women.

LOTS of women.... Like MASSIVE amounts of approaches, for months on end.

You hit up high-end venues that would usually intimidate you, experiment with all sorts of new behaviours (like humour, being more assertive, making connections with people, "being the party" and manning-up), and basically move towards "actualizing" the person that you know you're more than able to "become".

What this accomplishes is that it gets you about 10-20 years worth of "reference experiences" and "social skills" in about 1-3 years.

That's a LOT of reference experiences, and as a result you turn into basically what you'd call a MONSTER in a nightclub and in *life*.

It basically transforms you into (as funny as it sounds) a "social genius".

When I say a "social genius" what I mean is that if you're hanging out with a group of girls and you have a friend with you, your friend will probably be mentally-stunned and have a hard time offering value to the vibe because everything you say is so "on-point" that he socially can't "keep up".

(If you're a good dude you're conscious to "bring people up to your level" and back off a bit as opposed to "eclipsing" them and keeping them down).

Anyway, eventually you walk a typical path where you date a range of girls from not-so-wonderful to superficial-and-super-hot.

This is a *huge* ego-boost because you're now being given "access" to a world that you never thought that you could be a part of, and a world that most people will never realize exists.

What I'm talking about is very similar to the "Abundance VS Scarcity" reality that comes with building wealth -- where if you elevate yourself into a position of abundance you suddenly look at the world operating through scarcity and wonder how you ever could have walked in the same shoes.

Over time you become acclimatized to the whole lifestyle...

You've got the girls, probably a wonderful relationship, and you feel like you've basically become "The Man".

Now here's where things oftentimes start to get all screwed up...

Eventually you no longer feel a need to go out and "Pick Up Chicks" anymore.

This happens for a NUMBER of reasons...

1- You've become a lot more "internally validated" and so the thrill of chatting up some random girl just doesn't exist for you anymore.

You probably wonder how you ever spent so many hours just chatting up girls and it all seems to empty and meaningless at this point.

In fact, it's probably very difficult to go from 10PM to 2AM "chatting up girls" because it's like "Damn, elementary school used to be from 9AM to 3PM and that was like only 5 hours with all the lunch breaks and recesses.... Now I'm chatting up girls for FOUR hours?? That's a loooooong time!!"

2- You've probably started dating some very "quality" women, and you now have a better idea of what a quality girl is all about. Chatting up these semi-alcoholic, stimulation-junkie girls that tend to frequent nightclubs just feels like going back to Kindergarden.

Not only that, but the rudeness that's often stereotypical in nightclubs really messes with your "I want to view people in a positive light" type vibe. You see the way people treat eachother in these venues, and the superficiality of it all, and it just feels like a place that you *shouldn't* be.

3- You most likely have also dated some extremely hot women in your time, and once you actually start to date a lot of women and make the distinctions of what's actually hot and what's just make-up and smoke-and-mirrors, you realize that most of the girls you find are not nearly as physically attractive as they look on the surface.

Coming out of a relationship you probably also have a mindset where you want to "upgrade" as opposed to "downgrade", and all the girls that you USED to think were cool to talk to suddenly become a lot less enticing.

This gets even more ridiculous when you've got some girl you KNOW is not "all that" who tries to cut you down, and you're thinking "Uhhhh, my last three ex-girlfriends are a HUNDRED times hotter than you. Why in the world would you be acting like this??"

Anyway, all this results in your not really wanting to go out and meet people anymore because you now feel "comfortable in your own skin" and it just doesn't feel like it's a very worthwhile use of your time.

Here's the issue though...

Over the years you've taken on the new "identity" as being the guy who is now "good with girls".

You look at other people who live in a female-empoverished reality and you think "Wow these guys are so ridiculous... They really just need to man up."

Except guess what??

*YOU* are no longer competent to meet new women outside of your social-circle anymore.

You've become comfortable with yourself, more confident as a man, and generally just a better person......... but you're not ACTUALLY CAPABLE of pointing out, approaching, attracting, and dating a new girl at the snap of a finger anymore.

This creates a very nasty "incongruence".

You may even become a "hater" and talk trash on all the people who still like to "Run around like chickens with their heads cut off.... Trying to be mack-daddies and pick up all these girls".

Most likely you even *resent* the people who actually make an effort to improve themselves, because you see in them what Carl Jung would call your "Shadow Self" -- that previously "try-hard" dorky dude that you used to be a few years ago and that you've worked so hard to move past.

See, the whole idea of a legitimate "Transformation" is that you *become* the guy who now has mastery with women and mastery over the self.

That means that a few things...:

-You don't have to "get into state" at the start of the night.

-You don't have to consciously "do anything" to attract women other than just approach and be chatty.

-You don't have to "leave on a high-note" or worry that she won't see you at your "best" because you don't have to think about this stuff anymore.

-You don't get nervous to call day2s or bring a girl home.


You've literaly just *become* the guy that you want to be.

The thing is though.......... this also leads to some nasty "ego-constructs" that might hold you back in ways that you don't realize.

Back when you'd see a cute girl walking down the street, you'd *want* to approach her because your "ego" or "sense of self" would be increased NO MATTER WHAT THE REACTION.

I mean, even if the girl "rejected" you, you'd still have the identity of "A guy who at least had the guts to try..."

Nowadays though your sense-of-self is so inflated that ANYTHING OTHER THAN A PERFECT APPROACH IS A LET-DOWN.

This leads to a thin, almost indetectable "shelack of neediness"..... Where you're not "needy" for the actual girl, but you're "needy" for her confirmation that you're a still a "sex worthy guy".

You haven't been meeting new people (aka -- "strangers") for a long time, so anything other than a phenomenal reaction is basically just popping a hole in the "unchallenged reality" bubble that you've been comfortable living for the last few years.

Even tougher is that the "ego" has constructs of "What type of behaviour is acceptable and what type of behaviour is not".

This leads to a HUGE decrease in "teachability" -- in the sense that you're no longer capable of remaining a "student of the game".

As a teacher, I can't tell you how challenging it is for me to teach you if you're already "really good" with women.

That's not because I don't have a million little micro-distinctions to impart that could easily bring you up to the next level.

Nope...

Rather, it's because if you have a lot of skill with women already, your ego-construct is actually going to mess with you and make you feel an emotional-reaction when you're being given instruction as opposed to "calling the shots" like you're usually accustomed to.

(I have a million ways of dealing with this that I've learned over the years, btw...)

Honestly I can say that EVEN FOR ME, as a guy who can fully "recognize" the teachability issues that come with an inflated ego...... whenever I'm being "schooled" I can *still* feel this weird sensation in my body that's saying "You shouldn't be taking orders and criticism like this..."

I've learned to "observe" it, stay in-the-moment, and not identify myself with the emotion -- but that's still taken me a few years of work -- which if you're the average typically-cool dude you're probably NOT interested in investing yourself in.

Anyway, all of these issues make it REALLY FRIGGIN' HARD to re-assume a "student of the game" mentality and make that big "Come-Back" that you know you should be easily capable of.

If you're like most guys, you'll probably rest on your laurels and live through your stories about what a big pimp-boss-playa you used to be for the rest of your years.

It doesn't have to be that way, however...

If you want to make a glorious come-back, there is a still a "way" that it can be done...

In fact I have a few recommendations I want to leave you with, which I've personally found absolutely indispensable for emerging from the dust and reclaiming the throne...... :)

Here they are.......

1- First up is IMO the most absolutely crucial concept in the entire "Success With Women" lexicon.

That's the understanding that states, "YOU MUST DRAW STATE FROM YOURSELF AND NOT FROM YOUR ENVIRONMENT".

Back in the day you used to go out and get a thrill from talking to girls who you previously thought were "out of your league".

Well, those days are over. It ain't gonna happen for you like that anymore.

From here on out, you will have to take on the new habit of drawing state from within and not from your environment, otherwise you will feel and appear as like a "wilted-flower".

If you've ever studied the whole idea of "sexual yoga" and how to please a woman, you know that in a long-term relationship you can't keep getting the same "feelings" from it that you got when you first hooked up.... UNLESS you make the shift to viewing sex as an opportunity to just "go nuts" and "express" that crazy, emotional side of your personality.

On a "come back", going out has to become an opportunity to just blow off steam and be playful and go nuts. It's got to be therapeutic in that sense.

If you take this approach, you'll find that you'll stop whining that you don't care about women's validation anymore and you'll start viewing a night out as a way of recharging your batteries.

Go out for the joy of OFFERING VALUE rather than GETTING VALIDATED.

This will lead to hands-down the biggest increase in your results that you ever imagined. In fact, the flood of results will be so staggering that you will exceed any of your previous "records" from back in the day.

Make it your mission to assume this new mindset -- DRAWING STATE FROM YOURSELF AND NOT FROM YOUR ENVIRONMENT.

2- The next most important thing is..... "Admitting You Suck"

Face it... If you haven't been out meeting women for a while, the fact of the matter is that you probably suck.

So what??

Laugh about it. Tell people "Yeah I suck.... LOL"

Who cares?? If you're really "internally validated" now, why would you care if you've gotten a little rusty??

You'll find that when you stop trying to preserve your "duan juan" self image, you'll be empowered to 1) Not base your identity on your skills with women, and 2) Do all the core, fundamental things that most "advanced players" would have too much ego to do.

When I was out of the game for a year and a half to write The Blueprint, I went back into it saying "I'm not going to EVER talk about what a pimp I used to be... And I'm going to fully admit that I suck."

Within 30-90 days I found that I was not only back in great form, but I'd taken on many of the advantages of being a "seasoned veteran".

I felt a lot like I was in the movie "Rocky Balboa". I wasn't as fast on the responses or as nimble as I used to be (who cares??), but I could throw a punch that would knock you the heck out in a single blow.

IOW, while I still get blown out on the "Open" more often than I used to, I now get a lot of really kick-ass responses from women that I *never* used to get back in the day.

For example, I find more often that I'll have women continually re-opening me throughout the night (or opening me in the first place), talking non-stop to try and impress me, or even saying surprising things like "I'm so horny... I need you to take me home and f**k me right now..."

(This last once I've had more than once, which has really jolted me every time because it's so forward and over the top... Yet I've heard of many "naturals" getting these types of responses for years now and it intuitively makes sense).

I *never* used to get stuff like that back in the day. I had good results but I virtually *always* had to be the guy doing most of the work.

Obviously I don't get these results all the time, and I don't go out "expecting" it to happen, but it's been something that's been consistently occuring more and more since I've been back out there.

3- Cultivate a knowledge of your "Ego-structure" and become "Teachable" like you used to be back in the day.

This means that if you have to "stoop" to asking your friends who are still out there and kicking ass for some help, go out there and do it.

The principle I'm talking about here goes for whether you're already solid and want to improve, or if you've been out of it for a while and you want to get back in the game.

You'll find that when you've become a big P.I.M.P. that you have a defense-mechanism that makes you reject and block-out all people who try to "give you orders"

This mechanism is, of course, something you've evolved as a way of maintaining your social position.

Well you know what?? If it's not serving you, scrap it.

Man, life is SO FRUSTRATINGLY SHORT that there's simply NO EXCUSE to waste years of your life trying to preserve your identity and live in an unchallenged reality.

Just make it your mission to become teachable again, take advantage of all the great advice that's out there, and get back on the horse.

You'll find that when you do, the results that start pouring in will be so worth the stretch that you'll be flabbergasted that you never got back at it sooner.

Anyway, it's 8PM now and I've got to finish packing for my 6AM flight to Los Angeles en route to NYC.

I hope you guys have a great week, and remember to stay on the look out for "Transformations" which is coming out August 1 2007 @ 12PM EST.

You will be absolutely blown away with the increase in lifestyle that this program will produce for you...

At least, if you stick the script and actually IMPLEMENT what's being taught.


Tyler

PS:

If you're a guy who has been "in the game" for a long time, Jeffy has included a very detailed 2 hour section in "Transformations" that is IMO hands-down the most honest, intense, epiphany-creating breakdown of the "Advanced-Level" ups-and-downs that I have ever personally witnessed.

This is the type of hardcore subtle insight that will give you a higher level of "self-knowledge" and put you on a corrected-course to hitting that "elite level" you hear everyone talking about as being the ideal in this community.

Ultimately these types of "plateau-breaking" ideas could really only be offered to you by a guy coming from Jeffy's position -- as he's been living this lifestyle so long that he's one of the few people on this planet actually qualified to speak his mind to this extent.

Everything in "Transformations" is taught to you along the lines of THE JOURNEY -- going from "Newbie" to "Intermediate" to "Fully Advanced And Self-Actualized" player who lives a lifestyle that frankly, most guys will never realize exists.

What I'm talking about is hitting that "sweet spot" where these skills have become fully internalized and an inseparable feature of WHO-YOU-ARE.

There's also the most recent and up-to-date kick-ass techniques (and yes, Tim breaks down the infamous "CLAW"), step-by-step methodologies, and ultimately a crack team of seasoned veterans offering you their absolute top-notch insights on how to make explosive progress in this game.

Get on the 100% No Obligation "VIP Interest List" at www.becometransformed.com -- and later in the week you'll be linked to the detailed contents of what to expect from the program, as well as the most hilarious before-and-after pics you've ever seen (all of us as chodes, and then the pics of who we've become today).

As funny as it sounds (and without exaggerating), just seeing how ridiculous these are you'll probably find you undergo a bit of a bit of a shift in reality -- in terms of seeing visual proof that this stuff is absolutely 100% possible.

I was personally in stitches for like a half an hour. No kidding.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

awesome entry. thanks! =)

--
gruenfeld

Anonymous said...

That was awesome. I may not be hitting up the women all the time but that was still very applicable to my life. I am noticing that you have to stay in the "NOW" and the secret to happiness as I have been telling people is simply to "BE HAPPY" It comes from within. It's nice to see someone with the same train of thought on the matter..... Now I just have to act and in time my life will be exactly as I want it.

Thanks
Xero (Jason)

CharM said...

You nailed it Tyler.

This post describes my current situation VEEERY accurately.

You keep surprising me with your level of insight in the psychology of the game (an other general life fields, for that matter).

For the last 12 months I haven't barely gone out. I even decided to get a girlfriend for a few months until I moved back to my home country to see what it was like, I liked it btw.

Now back here I go out with my old friends and I wonder how come all this ego-fueled bitchy princesses in the posh clubs used to create so much emotional reaction inside me. Thing is, I open a few of them and get bad results, I shrug and leave... but you made me realize that right now I SUCK. HAHAHAH!!!

I've been focusing this 12 months in leaving more in alignment with my core energy, and your post made me realize that girls could be a wonderful way to express this energy. I'm coming back, fully present, conscious of my egoic patterns of validation... it's pretty interesting to experience in the field.

Embracing your 3 tips of advice, it's gonna be fun B)

Thanks Tyler, hope the Transformation release goes awesome!

CharM

Jedi said...

Man, this is GOLD for me. As you would have noticed from my posts on the forum, I've just re-entered the game after dating a promo model for the last 9 months.

I've had trouble in the 2 months since the break-up just "jumping in the pool" and opening again. I've had chicks open me (which never used to happen), so i know i'm giving off a different vibe than back in the day.

Your concept of going out and just "offering value" is golden for me. I'm gonna just try that.

Thanks again man, great post.

Jedi..

thenow said...

This post hit me on so many levels.

Thanks :)

Anonymous said...

Bam I finally now feel liberated to get out of this rut of thinking I'm good with women and just go out and have fun again.

Wulfen (Lobo Feroz) said...

Hi there Tyler!

By reading the first half of your post, I was wondering if a miniature version of you was lurking somewhere in the back of my brain, listening to my core thoughts.

I myself have been a little over 3 years into the game. And yes, I've had, and still have, concurrent relationships with quality women, looks & personality-wise.

And yes, recently I've becomed tired of going out to pick up girls. Yes, I can do it. Yes, I can get with a bunch of newbies, after a couple weeks of not sarging in clubs at all (yet being in "social mode" all the time), and open marevellously and keep the set, and build rapport...

And then I don't wish to get more involved with her, I don't want to get her contact data, unless I feel she's actually special, not in a "special flower" sense of course, but in the sense that she's a quality girl. I already have several quality girls in my life, why should I pursue lesser girls, apart from grabbing a quick kiss here and there?

As of lately, I've been wanting more and more to spend nights in clubs just chatting with my buddies. Or going out with one of my girls in mLTR. Just because I enjoy it *more* than approaching strangers, which most of the time turn out to be not of my liking, even when they are pretty.

However, and I must disagree with you here, it's not really that hard to notice that this is a plateau, a comfort zone, a place where, if you dwell too much therein, you will get rusty and those skills that you worked so hard to sharpen will get numb.

Every night I go out I force myself to open, even when I don't want to meet new girls. Even when I am with one of my girls (they are aware I am a "sarger"), I open mixed sets here and there (approaching first the guys, as to not get too carried away as to hurt my girls' feelings).

Another thing that resonated with me is when you describe that for a seasoned PUA, it's not enough to act, you actually expect yourself to succeed, and to succeed big. This is the damned Ego at work again.

It happens to me since in Spain there is not much people with 3+ years of experience (since "The Game" was translated here about a year ago). So people come to me and I somehow think I must not let them down, that I should be doing a pickup performance akin to magic.

Which, of course, is an unrealistic expectation: my game, though solid already, is definitely improveable in many aspects, and many 1-year experienced PUAs here have mastered some areas I'm still struggling with.

Yet, I know also that this is a limiting belief, and that I should do my thing, no matter who's watching and what's expecting from me. Like the "resting in your laurels" problem, once you're aware of it, it's way easier to overcome. The simplest answer is to keep going at it: if a set goes awfully wrong, it's ok, if I keep plowing, statistically my game is going to show in any case as the night progresses. If anyone judges me for a set, it's his wrong judgement, actually.

But I must say that those thoughts would not have crossed my mind, if I had not read this blog of yours, and similar materials elsewhere. I remember when you wrote that when you started doing workshops, you had also this anxiety, not because you had fear of approaching or anything, but because you had to demonstrate that you were a top-notch PUA. Instead of seeking validation from the girls, now you were seeking validation from your students. That point hitted home for sure! Everything you've been talking about as of lately is so related with my latest months that is uncanny, so quit reading my mind, dude!!! ;)

And that's it. If this post is a glimpse of what's inside the Transformations, then I'm as eager for it as a kid for the new Harry Potter book (and I hope everyone gets married in the happy ending as well!!!)

SANIK said...

oohhh shit.. that is EXACTLY, 100 PERCENT on point of what I needed to hear.. I was just fucking thinking about this yesterday about how recently ive found it more and more difficult to teach.

word up!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Real Quick:

I read your blog Regularly! I get ALOT of value from it, but what struck me at really cool on this read, was the 'P.S.' that you left.

In essence, it was a plug for your transformations program...but i didnt feel like a Hard Sell. It wasnt in-yo-face, buyme-buyme...it felt like (i know this is gonna sound Suuuper Gay), but it felt like u were having a genuine conversation with *ME* (us) and i really felt excited and impelled to want to buy Transformations.

Nice advertising strat. And im VERY excited about this new release.

Thanks

Niel said...

Hey sounds good..

Looking forward to the product like a child. This is better than Christmas - Tyler, Can u tell what its going to Cost

JC said...

Tyler,

I wanna buy Transformation. Man, you have created a solid fan base. It's like I find myself almost idolizing you.

Jason

Anonymous said...

Fantastic as always, TD. Can't wait for Transformations.

Zed said...

Amazingly great article. It's so great to see someone like Tyler write about stuff other than your usual 'advice'. Keep up this awesome blog!

Seth said...

Tyler, that was so advanced that I bet only 10 people in the world know what you’re talking about, not 10% of your readers. I’m still in awe that you kissed a checkout girl over the counter at the mall, and choked one up against a wall in a record store because she liked that Eminem song. And that was in your first few months of “gaming” right? I can’t even imagine where you are now. I’m definitely guilty of considering you superhuman.

chic said...

Awesome stuff here.

The really tough part about being in a plateau is being unsure about whether you are currently as good as you are ever gonna get, that is, not knowing if you'll ever get better.

I manage to still keep myself going out to chat girls by making each outing a celebration of myself and my personality. Every interaction is an opportunity to create something interesting, and the joy of creation will never get old.

Kyle L. said...

Fucking amazing...

Anonymous said...

fucking amazing... thank you tyler!

tkat said...

This describes the whole bubble I've created to protect my ego perfectly. Thanks so much Tyler. I kind of knew I was doing it, but seeing your whole break down of it really hit home for me. I've always shunned most new products or information, most books because I had the false belief that there is barely any good material out there. This is obviously a huge mistake, because most of it is dependent on the person that is reading the book. Different people will get much different results and realizations from the same book.

I really had the whole "I'm hot shit even though I haven't practiced in months and I honestly really suck now" thing going on. It's really crazy how our mind plays such bullshit tricks on us. Amazing. Thanks again! Your stuff is always gold Tyler, can't wait for the Blueprint!

Anonymous said...

Awesome stuff man

Slojodan said...

Tyler,

I have to disagree with your "90% of you won't get this", because it seems to have spoken to a great many of us.

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear, and I know professional pick-up teachers that complain of the very same thing.

I had been in a bit of a no-sarging rut, and this is exactly what I need to know to get myself out there completing transition from "validation seeker" to "value giver."

--Dan

MD said...

"Make it your mission to assume this new mindset -- DRAWING STATE FROM YOURSELF AND NOT FROM YOUR ENVIRONMENT."

As children we internalize our parents, hopefully they were nurturing and had 'value'.

My middle class friends who had a stable mom and dad are doing ok now.
My friends who came from divorced homes, such as myself, have a much harder time moving through life.

The successful guys have a good inner resource, a good inner mom and dad to draw from in times of trouble...they can withstand more.

Read Alan Shore ( if you can handle it ) for more on this.

So, if a dude has had bad experiences, he literally has no positive internal reference experiences to draw from.

This is an unexploited area of the community and it is not dealt with well, at all.

It's GOOD that you chafe at being given advice, it means you have a strong ego, a strong sense of self, 'if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything".

But, you are in the unpriveleged position of having your identity relentlessly hammered into you by virtue of the work you do, and your status within the peer group. It'll be much harder for you to change now.

You don't have the luxury of not being good. That's the price you pay for your station.

"to be or not to be, that is the question" willy the shake.

Anonymous said...

very insightful. Can't say i've hit this level yet...but i'll post anyway just to wrack up the comment count

pete said...

tyler, you are the mack daddy of the macks my friend, please marry me! i m not even gay either...

i find it really hard to believe that you were doing badly at school when you were younger, how could that be???

Nilatak said...

Man Ozzie looks like a super chode in his before pics...WOW!!! Mega-chode and to have come that far says alot...good stuff.

Illuminatus said...

Tyler,
Your distinction between Core Confidence and Situational Confidence is exactly the same as the late Albert Ellis' concepts of Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA) and Conditional Self-Acceptance. You must check out his book "The Myth of Self-esteem". (I hope your self-esteem is not crushed that you did not invent these concepts. -- LOL.)

I recently read that Ellis actually used to be somewhat of a PUA himself:

At nineteen, the future psychotherapist Albert Ellis undertook an experiment in order to conquer his fear of rejection: he hung around the Bronx Botanical Garden, and, whenever he saw a cute girl on her own, forced himself to start a conversation. "I got to be one of the best picker-uppers of women in the United States," he recalled, "and finally started making it with them, a lot."

(This was in the 1930s! You read it here first!)

M said...

I've just reread this after six months or whatever, powerful stuff and just what I wanted at this moment in time.