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Monday, October 08, 2007

Glorious Article: Ozzie on "Perpetual Disappointment"


This article by Ozzie had a great response on RSD Nation today.

(Ozzie is our main guy in Europe...)

Thought I'd throw it up on here as a bit of mid-week bonus content for those of you who haven't had a chance to read it.

I really connected with it myself, just in the sense that one of the biggest "self-sabotage" moves I see on a day-to-day basis is guys trying to "measure" themselves -- trying to be better than than the night before, scrambling to prove that their self-development is "working" for them based on women's responses, etc etc...

It's a major cause of "reaction-seeking", "outcome-dependence", "seeing yourself through the eyes of others" -- and all that nastiness that turns you from a big pimp to a needy, hungry-eyed, full chode extreme.

Get this stuff handled and I predict you'll see a big jump -- both in your skills with women, but also in your happiness in general.

Have a look......


Tyler

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Since we are little in school we are being measured, big part of it is grades. The grading system accounts for most of the disappointments growing up.

At home, we are measured by our parents whether you are “doing good” or “you are a disappointment”. We get a job and it is the same. Boss evaluates us or worst the market place. Religion, etc, in our culture we are being measured and made to feel bad if we don’t “live up to somebody´s expectations”.

Our lives are constant struggle “not to disappoint”. We are set up to being measured which in turn sets us up for perpetual disappointment.

Most of our social conditioning comes from this very fact. It is the elusive obvious.

We don’t question this system. We just are born into it and grow into it and probably die in it without questioning it or its validity.

Most of this measuring is done by people who in turn are being measured...... and it goes all the way up or down to infinite.

Then we come to the "game". We get into it. And what do we do? Same old measuring.

This is the reason many guys struggle with “outcome orientation”. They cannot let go of the “measuring.

Bad set/good set, bad night/good night, good opener/bad opener, good/bad performance, good pick up school vs bad pick up school, good advice vs bad advice and the list goes on and on to infinite.

The courage to be imperfect. My best performances on this have been imperfect ones. I came back from gross mistakes or salvaged hopeless situations. Then results came tumbling down in cascades.

I would say that being courageous is defined by how imperfect you can be. How much a risk you are willing to take. how much "measuring" you are willing to fuck up.

On bootcamp it is a constant battle to rescue guys from this measuring mechanisms embedded in the depth of their brains.

It is hard to wrap your head around the fact that trial and error is at the heart of pickup. That´s how it is learned.

Most guys are terrified to make mistakes. Why?

You guessed it right. The measuring system. It haunts them in the back of their head. Makes them feel they need to “improve” constantly to “live up to”.

Not good because it destroys the guys natural ability and coolness. It goes against its core of naturalness. The guy is not relaxed so he can not perform properly. His own outcome oriented mind paralyzes him.

The “need for constant feedback” is at the heart of the measuring system. The need to be “reassured” that he is doing right even when he is doing right. Self confidence is coming from “outside” not from inside where it should.

We have a philosophy of PPT. Practice, patience and time.

Practice comes first. Nothing will happen in your game if you don’t practice in the field. No book, DVD, seminar will give you what practicing in the field will give you.

Patience. Without patience practice is bullshit. You will abandon at the first mistake or the second. No patience, practice is useless. You will open a couple of sets and hang by the bar because nothing is happening in your game. No patience leads to inconsistent results. Trial and error is at the heart of building any skill.

Time. You need to allot time to practice. You have to schedule your practice time or you will not practice. Example, I will go out Fridays and Saturdays either rains or shine. You arrange your life accordingly to make this schedule happen.

Then don’t judge results on the basis of good or bad. Don’t go black and white on your practice and your progress.

Let go of the idea or the need “to measure” you because it is compulsive. Society induced. You are ok as you are. Progress will happen anyway if you apply PPT philosophy.


Ozzie

14 comments:

Will said...

excellent post.

Anonymous said...

OZZIE! It is time..

You need your own blog. The stuff you write on the forum has been off the chain. Thanks Oz.

Dj PUA said...

Wow... awesome post Ozzie. You really summed up this topic very well. Great stuff.

Haze

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate this article, it hits home with something I overlooked. Thank you

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Ozzie. You present such a positive, useful outlook for guys to have while trying to improve themselves. Thank you.

IvanVR said...

Yeap - exactly same thing also applies in competition sports. Many people do not compete because they are afraid to fail, even though that's the best learning opportunity.

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing this guys....

this is SO KEY!!

it's a picture of my first year in the game. good set, i feel good. bad set, i feel bad. fuck it. i am anyway. so i force myself to let go of this......

thanks again

Pavo said...

True dat. This can also spiral out of control easily. For example, if you approach a lot, you might do three bad sets in a row and think 'wtf is wrong with me?' So you start analyzing it and try higher energy or more assertiveness or whatever and then you go into a fourth set to see how that works. Bad bad bad frame. Now you're being reactive. The way to do it is to STOP approaching and do something uplifting and fun or just relax. Then go back in there all zen and outside your head.

Marcello said...

"Progress will happen anyway if you apply PPT philosophy."

Unfortunately, while this probably works for most guys and is a far better frame than "you can't get better with women" or some such, it isn't entirely true. This isn't some sort of purely mechanical skill like driving a car where practice automatically makes you better. It will usually happen but it is not guaranteed. Personally I have been spending most of the spare time of the last three years doing this stuff. After thousands of hours and thousands of approaches all I got was less than ten dates, a makeout and that was it. All this practice seems to do is making me smoother (at a huge cost in terms of time and energy) but as far as attracting women I am probably not doing any better than five years ago.

Anonymous said...

Marcello,

You are right. You also have to change your approach as you are doing this stuff. If you do the same shit over and over thousands of times and you get similar results, well that is the definition of insanity. Look at what the guys who are good do, and then copy it. Simple.

Anonymous said...

The sentence "courage to be imperfect" resonated well with me. Thanks for the great post.

Maloney said...

Very good points, remind me of this great Michael Jordan commercial...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc&mode=related&search=

Ecstasy said...

marcello, if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the results you get. if something's not working, obviously you have to change it. Mix shit up, find what works for you and discard what doesn't... These are supposed to be guidelines to help you. Get your inner game straight and everything else that you implement is just icing on the cake

Anonymous said...

good stuff ozzie
thank you