Monday, October 08, 2007

"It Is What It Is......"

Just watching this funny video today and it inspired a quick thought...

About six months ago I was doing a big press-piece, and the journalist commented something to the effect that what I was teaching was really positive, ethical, and uplifting.

My poorly thought-out kneejerk response was...... "I don't care about what's ethical. I got into doing it this way because it's what works. It's just a coincidence that it's ethical…"

The reporter said "Ooooh, that's interesting... You don't care about what's ethical??" and I realized at that moment I'd really put my foot in my mouth.

Well, that's how these things tend to go sometimes... :)

More important though, was it occured to me I'd exposed a sort of mismanaged way of thinking in my own head.

On some level I think that I was reacting to the idea of being "lumped in" or "categorized" with positive-thinkers --> as in the stereotypical spacey-types who are into it because it "feels good" and not because of the mountains of empirical-data that it ACTUALLY produces results.

Anyway, that was about 6 months ago and I was thinking tonight about what it was that I was trying to get across -- and what I'd say if I were asked the same question a second time.

Here it is......

For me, there are core-values that I live my life by.

Being positive, uplifting, win/win, and viewing myself as no better or worse than anybody else are among them.

I espouse these ways of thinking because ultimately it's coming from a place of abundance, it brings me more happiness, it makes for a better vibe, and it's in alignment with what I want to stand for as a human being.

At the same time, I guess you could also say that I'm an "enigma" as far as "positive-thinking" type people go.

I definitely don't fit into the "stereotype" of positive thinkers AT ALL. Oftentimes the more hard-lined positive-thinking folks find me to a bit abrasive, because frankly, I live my life a heck of a lot more aggressively than they do.

The fact of the matter is in addition to being a positive-thinking type dude, I happen to be pretty assertive in many aspects of my life.

In nightclubs for example, I'm capable of having fun being rowdy, loud, assertive, and even getting into the odd dispute here and there.

That doesn't mean I'm like that all the time. It just means I'm able to be if I feel like it. It's within my "range" of personality traits that I'm comfortable with.

For a positive thinker this can be somewhat shocking to witness... Like "Whuu... Whuu... Whyyy are you being so, uhhh, aggressive??"

I guess that coming from a guy like myself, who's supposed to "know better” than to be all, you know, FUN and stuff… it’s somewhat disconcerting.

The thing is, when I'm out at a nightclub I’m oftentimes laid back and chill, and I might even be being quiet and doing my own thing........... At other times though, I'm a bit of a wildman.

I don't entirely know how to explain it, but around women I'm just sometimes CHARGED with that sort of energy.

I guess it’s just natural to exhibit the behaviour that's most adapted to the environment.

The fact of the matter is that in addition to being cool places to socialize and hang out, nightclubs can also act fundamentally as "mating grounds" similar to the types of animal environments you see on National Geographic.

Maybe you think that human beings are in some way "superior" in their mating habits to other mammals??

Ummmm, yeah right....... :)

The reality of nightclubs is that for a guy, being FUN and also ASSERTIVE is what's natural.

I'd say that on workshops one of the biggest thing I'm constantly hammering when you're deep in with a girl is "Stop being passive!! Wake up!! Get back in there!! Push it until it either blows out or pulls home!! Take her by the hand and lead her out of the club..... NOW!!"

It might sound wacky to you reading this from the comfort of your computer screen, but that’s just the reality of the environment.

Now think about this for a bit..........

Let's say I'm talking to a girl.

Is it "positive" or "negative" that if another guy is cooler and more assertive than me that he'll take her home and while I leave the club all by my lonesome??

On one side you could say it's "negative" because it's win/lose. On the other side you could say it's "positive" because the guy who deserved it most got the girl.

In my reality I don't label it as being EITHER. It's not positive OR negative. I have an expression for this which is simply "It is what it is..."

I really try to avoid putting a LABEL on a given reality of how the world works.

Like, is it negative that you won't live forever and you'll have to die some day?

Absolutely not. It just "Is what it is..."

There are always the GIVEN REALITIES of any environment (your eventual death being one of them) and if you’re in love with this world and your life then you have to love realities that are brought along with it as well.

As far as being assertive in nightclubs goes, there is no "positive" or "negative" because it just "IS WHAT IT IS..."

So a question then…: Is it “positive” or “negative” that the more assertive RAM winds up getting the most EWES??

The answer…: NEITHER.

It just is what it is......

Beyond that, just like the ram in the video trying to kick the other ram in the nuts -- in nightclubs there are always a few guys who are straight up *snakes* as far as I'm concerned.

They'll lie to you about being the girl's boyfriend, lie about being friends with her phantom husband, and all sorts of other nonsense.

Some dudes will even try to exploit their acquaintance with you to get the girl. You'll be friendly to make them feel "included" since they don't have a girl with them, and they'll spin it around like you're supplicating them to try and gain points with her.

Total craziness...

Me personally, I'll never, ever do that stuff. I got into it for a minute back in my first year of going out to nightclubs because I thought it was the "norm" and I was playing into the frame -- but over the years I realized the coolest guys are just above it.

At the same time, in spite of all this, I also know that to whomever offers the most value goes the girl.

I know that. I'm 100% at ease with it.

Even the guys who try to be snakey... as soon as I see it, I just remove the girl back off of them and never talk to them again -- and just by being cool, without having to resort to their level of behaviour.

I don't take it personally. It's not "good" or "bad". It's just the level that they're on (not who they as as human beings), and hopefully they'll evolve past it some day.

One way or another, it's just an aspect of human behaviour that's a part of the day-to-day terrain.

I teach to be a positive dude because it OUTFRAMES all that stuff. It makes you a cooler guy OVERALL which means that it corrects the LARGER ISSUE -- so when a guy is acting silly he's just 100% off of your (and the girl's) radar.

My primary focus might not be to achieve "blissful states" and "serenity" and all that, but hey, that's my reasoning behind it....

To me, the fact that the stuff I talk about is usually ethical and uplifting pays homage to the fact that being a good person and having good intentions is going to get you success in every aspect of your life.

I like that...

At the same time, placing LABELS and JUDGEMENTS onto what is essentially MATING BEHAVIOUR is just ridiculous.

The world is a certain way. On the surface it might appear to have flaws, but it's all a part of an intricate system that I love very much.

Does that make any sense?? Hopefully it does.

OK, end of rant... :)



Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

a low blow to the nuts when no one is looking, ROFL!

fucking hilarious

Nilatak said...

I can relate to this article, especially about the "snakey" guys. I was out with a girl I was sleeping with and she was dressed sexy in a short skirt and tight top. We went to a bar and I met a guy from out of town who was there visiting his gf. I was talking to him and I noticed him eying my girl so I introed him and then told him he should talk to her if he liked her.

The guy kept saying, "No, no, I would never. I have a gf. I just think she is cute, but I would never, she's with you." I go hang out with some friends for 15 minutes or so, come back hang with the girl and the guy, leave again and come back later to get get and leave and as we are walking she tells me how bad the guy was hitting on her, he wrote his number on a napkin, said he wants to meet up with her later, etc.

Craziness!!! I think in the end it just comes down to how cool of a guy you are.

Wim said...

I was thinking something similar these few days. I just did a workshop in London, and now that the dust is settling internally, I noticed that a lot of different questions/issues not only are connected, but have the same answer. Happiness, fulfillment, attractiveness, connection, ... they all can be answered by authenticity, by presence. Maybe also the other way round, still thinking about that.

Felix said...

You say you view stuff as it is.
Also, it is not your intention to achieve higher states of consciousness, e.g feeling better.

I ask you:
Why not?

Why not view everything extremely positive? The way you view something is not a REACTION, but instead it is an ACTION as to how the next similiar situation will turn out.
Your thoughts dictate reality and choosing extremely positive thoughts will make your reality turnout another way.

Also I think everybody should strive for the most happiness they can take.
This life shouldn't be about taking what you got, mixing it and trying to push for the things you want.
It's very hard and almost impossible to create your life when you are still emotionally attached to what was once your perceived reality.

First you have to disconnect, or better transform your past life so that all you can feel when thinking back is good.
There is various ways to achieve this, the one I like best for beginners is EFT, google it.

Then, negative thoughts, naturally will occur less and less.

But instead you have access to your full potential, which is not limited anymore by default reaction mechanisms from your past.
Now you have access to who you really are, being smooth and experiencing joy and love in every realationship with a girl.
Some people call this being a natural, but everybody is this way. The only thing coming in the way is negative emotions from the past, which can be completely transformed in easy ways (eft).

So make your life easier, go the easy route and achieve more.


Machismo said...

HMM, great stuff. I have a lot of love for your blog.

Tell me, when do you feel it is appropriate to tool on a guy and when to be positive?

In this post you seem to be saying being positive can work all the time.

But in positivity vs having boundaries you state that tooling on a guy has it's place. In foundations you also state that most people are nice, and you are nice back, but if the guy is a dick, you can just blow them out.

I also hear of RSD instructors, using physical means to tool on a guy, or blow a dude out of a set.
such as, chest bumping the amog from both sides, 'The AMOG Throw', 'The AMOG parachute', or just being physically intimidating to the guy.

I find that 98% of my mixed sets I can just be friendly with the guy, and just eclipse him with my game, and by magic he disappears.

Ocassionally, there will be that 2% that sometimes are naturals, but normallly just drunk dudes being obnoxious.

When I run into these into these guys, when my positivity isn't working, I normally bring out the amog stuff. If they are naturals we normally end up being friends (game recognises game), and if they are idiots they are normally blown out.

Are you saying that amog tactics/tooling on a guy, no longer have a place, and positivity is the only way to do it?

IvanVR said...

Good post!

>being a good person and having good intentions is going to get you success in every aspect of your life.


Just want to add something:
It is also really a shortcut!

Will try to explain with example: It's like a any core exercise in bodybuilding (bench press or squads). Once you invest time and energy in a core exercise - it improves your performance in so many other areas that you end up saving time.

Anonymous said...

Tyler, I loved this post. I have been listening to the audio version of "The Power of Now" and what you're saying is totally in sync with his philosophy. EG, become the "watcher" of the mind, but do not render JUDGMENTS about your own thoughts, because otherwise you participate in strengthening that which you are trying to stop.

Is it a good night or a bad night? It's neither. It is what it is. The over-active mind's top priority is to categorize, classify, and judge. It will try to discern, for instance, whether that new haircut you got is cool or chode. It is what it is. Simple. In the present moment. Judgments are made as a way of gaining identity from ego.

A lot of what you've been saying the past months is coming into greater clarity after listening to "The Power of Now". Not that it DIDN'T make sense before (it did), but I definitely see why you're such a big proponent of Tolle, and I see why you called the "Power of Now" the "closest thing to a magic pill there is." It is all directly applicable to PU and deals with the problems we face from the inside out rather than externally. I love it.


Anonymous said...


Zirex said...

Sweet... that was a cool vid.

Anonymous said...

Admit it TD... you aspire to be a Nietzschean Overman.

Anonymous said...

It is what it is! Love it. I think I have all my friends, girlfriend, and family saying that now ritually. It's a movement! It says it all when things don't really need to be said. I love the short and sweet.

See you on Monday for two of the most glorious 2 weeks of Hawaiian sun kissed beach luau debauchery, paawd-ner...!! yeeeaaaa!

RSD Superstar 2008

AussieBrisbaneBandit said...

Tajiquan(Grand Ultimate Fist) is one of the oldest, complete, grab on the nuts if necessary, highest degree of dificulty but ultimately effective art on the planet. One can learn methods, but slight corrections by the teacher has profound effect.
" Oftentimes the more hard-lined positive-thinking folks find me to a bit abrasive, because frankly, I live my life a heck of a lot more aggressively than they do."
This has corrected my form, in a way I know and feel to be correct.
I am on my way to encorage females to understand this.

Anonymous said...

>such as, chest bumping the amog from both sides, 'The AMOG Throw', 'The AMOG parachute'

These are something completely new for me. Can you explain these in more detail?

Klaas said...

Yep.. My cousin is one of those snakey guys.. If any of your friends are like this, it's best to just cut them out of your life, as I have. Its tough at the start but it will benefit you in the end.


James said...

"For me, there are core-values that I live my life by.

Being positive, uplifting, win/win, and viewing myself as no better or worse than anybody else are among them."

I don't understand this last one: viewing myself as no better or worse than anybody else. I could never understand why anyone would think this. Look at any possible way to compare two people, one person will be better than the other. Do all these different things equal out perfectly, so that overall we really are equal? I doubt it.

I think people confuse the idea that we all have the same basic rights and that we should all be treated equally with the idea that we all are equal. I'm not sure you're saying you think it's true or think that believing it, whether or not its true, leads to happiness or whatever you take the good to be.

I think I'm better than a lot of people, and think a lot of people are better than me. It is what it is. Why not accept that? Or do you really think people are all equal?

Mild Seven said...

>In my reality I don't label it as >being EITHER. It's not positive >OR negative. I have an expression >for this which is simply "It is >what it is..."

>I really try to avoid putting a >LABEL on a given reality of how >the world works.

This is so important. I know from stock investing that the market never works for or against you. It simply does what it does, and it's up to you to use the outcome of that randomness to your own advantage, without getting emotional.

The entire world works like that, and accepting it brings a kind of comfort with life that you couldn't otherwise find.

Anonymous said...

TD, you should update your blog every 5 minutes for nerds like me to read.

Anonymous said...

It's easy being spiritual on a mountaintop!

i like your style bro.