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Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Do Human Beings Inherently Hate Themselves?? (Guest Starring Jeffy As The Video Game Addicted Dumbass)


Aaaaaaaaaaah, BACK WITH THE BLOG!!

Planning to get a little bit intense on you today. Is that alright??

GOOD.

So I was thinking about all the different "models" or "ways" that we can understand the human tendency to be so lazy and self-destructive.

That's not to say all people act this way -- and I count myself lucky to be surrounded by 99% of people who are driven to live a happy life.

But this is definitely a common phenomenon, and it is in many ways the "default state" when you lack the proper education about why it's so vastly important.

Anyway one of the ways of looking at laziness (and the resulting self-destruction) would be to just to say that you are hardwired by genetics to conserve on time and energy, and that your caveman brain doesn't always have the perspective to move beyond a paradigm of instant gratification.

Another explanation would be that our day-to-day habits are so deeply ingrained that to change them requires more strength than the average person can summon up.

Then there's the more practical ways of seeing it, like that most folks are so flat-lined with uninspiring employment that they simply lack the physical and emotional momentum to get anything done.

Or more fancy and esoteric viewpoints, like that modern society has got us on a diet of simple sugars and saturated fats which makes our brains too jittery to be fully engaged, and that television and advertisement has us addicted to a state of endless stimulation.

Probably if this is the first time you've ever considered the compounding effects that this stuff is having on your life you might be freaking out.

(And we haven't even gotten into the *really* trippy stuff like how a culture that's based on enhancing the identity of the individual distances us from the natural state of stillness and clarity and creativity -- because that's a topic big enough to require an article of it's own).


Alright, so all of these are great ways of understanding laziness and self-destruction but today I want to focus on an entirely different way of looking at it.

This is a theory that I've conjured up recently, and maybe it's a bit deluded or controversial, but for whatever reason it's been brewing in my mind.

For me a major reason for people's lazy and self-destructive tendencies is an insidious, underlying psychological foundation of self hate.

I've been thinking lately about how there's a crazy paradox to being a human being -- because unlike other animals who can just act selfishly on unconscious autopilot, YOU typically have a consciously held value system.

(You might have been spoon-fed your values unconsciously, or integrated them on your own, but you have this value system and you know it's there).

Now in this value-system you might have qualities like integrity, working hard, offering value, or doing the right thing.

Whatever it is for *you*.

And what's cool is that when you LIVE by your own value system you gain what might be called "personal power" -- like confidence, clear thinking, passion, and self esteem -- so you get a big reward.

But then see, the crazy paradox is that it's also in your genetically inherited DNA to do things that get you gain over other people that you did not earn, or to sell out your values in order to save yourself time and energy.

That's why when you go into a public bathroom you'll enjoy the glorious sight of piss all over the toilet seat from the last 10 guys who've used it before you.

Most folks, when not being monitored, really can't be bothered so much as to aim at the center of the bowl or to swipe a piece of toilet paper and wipe off the "miss fire".... :)


It's crazy what this simple phenomenon says about overall human psychology.

Then of course, there's also the aspect where the person thinks "Even if I clean up all this mis-aimed piss for the next person, I bet THEY won't be bothered to keep this toilet clean so I'd might as well just leave it."

So on some level I think people probably know unconsciously that they can't always trust themselves to live by their values, and beyond that, they assume the same of other people as well.

This is really coming through right now with the trend of climate change and global warming.

There's a lot of ways of explaining people's indifference towards their own planet, but I think one of them is an unconscious belief that "We're going to screw up the whole deal sooner or later anyway, and on a level we deserve it. So I'd might as well just not think about it and enjoy the ride."

Personally I have a belief that when somebody does something that they know is inherently wrong, they will unconsciously do things to punish themselves and bring their circumstances into alignment with what they feel they deserve internally.

Maybe they'll get sloppy in their work and lose a bunch of money.

Or maybe they'll be lazy and sabotage their personal relationships.

Oftentimes it's also in the form of creating chains of rationalizations upon rationalizations, where they can no longer think clearly and wind up screwing up their lives.

So in a lot of ways it comes down to "self respect" and how when you live in alignment to your values you'll tend to respect yourself enough to create the external conditions that make for a happy life.

(Incidentally this is also why when people have deliberately done things to try to make my own life difficult I've rarely invested myself into worrying about "justice" or anything like that. I've always figured that people's circumstances will eventually catch up to their level of self-respect).


Anyway I think it's interesting because when you love yourself it's natural that you'll want to do things to make your life better.

It's like how you see RSD instructors who in the past few years have all gotten into pretty good physical shape.

There's been a rash of people asking "Yeah but you guys are all in good shape, so obviously it means that you ADMIT IT that LOOKS MATTER with women right??!!"

What they don't realize is that most the guys I work with in RSD used to be in pretty crummy shape back when they started to get a level of success with girls.

That means that, YES, they would go out and meet girls and bring them back to make love to their ghastly out of shape bodies.

Shocking I know...

Then later as they built a sense of self worth it was only natural that they wanted to start eating healthy and going to the gym -- or in Jeffy's case decreasing his consumption of alcohol and drugs.

The inclination to take good care of your physical body is a SYMPTOM and not the CAUSE of having gotten success with girls.

Is that because you need to get laid a bunch of times to feel good about yourself??

Definitely not.

It's just that when you're TAKING ACTION TO HANDLE YOUR LIFE it's natural that you feel like you're "worth" the investment of time and energy that being in good shape will demand.

To me this is really a natural type of thing.

Self esteem is in many ways a wheel that's always spinning -- whether that's towards a life of happiness or a petty existence of laziness and self-hate.

If you live in accordance with your values and offer a lot of good, it's natural that you want to keep doing more and more of those positive things, and then your circumstances begin to improve and your lifestyle hits a level that's off the chains.

On the other hand if you sit around violating yourself by being complacent, then it's natural that you lose respect for yourself and your life slowly unravels and decays.


Funny enough there was an incident with Jeffy this year that really illustrated this point for me...

As Jeffy tells it, after getting back from the first leg of the Jeffy Tour last winter he received for Christmas a shiny new Nintendo Wii.

He started playing it and figured "Well I've been working so hard this year, I really deserve a break and need to unplug."

Then, to the best of my recollection, after he continued playing it from morning 'til night for a week straight he felt like "I'm such a piece of shit...I'd might as well just keep playing this."

So ultimately his motivation to keep creating better conditions for himself was flushed down the toilet -- because he no longer had a self image as somebody who was deserving of all the gifts that he had to offer himself and the world.

(As absurd as that sounds -- we've all been through it).

Now that's not to say that playing a bit of video games is inherently bad. Some of them are actually really complex works of art. It's just that the NON-SIMULATED world is also a pretty amazing place and it's a matter of where you choose to spend the bulk of your time.

I know in my case, treating myself with respect is like a behaviour cycle I'm always trying to slide myself into.

Motivation has nothing to do with living up to other people's superficial expectations of your lifestyle or "Keeping up with the Jones's".

This is about a PASSION FOR LIFE.

I have a straightforward set of assumptions, which while simplistic, are basically a source of inspiration that doesn't quit:

1- I am alive.

2- It is all futile, yes, but unless I'm going to take action on this and KILL MYSELF then I'd might as well take the action to make for a happy life.

3- Living a happy life is about your internal world, of course, and it is simultaneously about enjoying the FINEST that this world has to offer (travel, food, literature, friends, personal connection, risk, amazing women, and the whole shebang).

4- Nothing in this world will inherently "tickle" you as advertising suggests, so YOU have to BRING THE PASSION to it and make it fun.

5- To find passion you need motivation which means knowing that "gaining value is about making a living, but offering value is about LIVING A LIFE" -- and to offer the most value to other people you have to LOVE YOURSELF and MAKE YOURSELF STRONG.

So yeah, this might sound woo-woo or melodramatic. But this is how I've made sense of the world.

You might have also noticed how it's a recursive cycle, and that #5 flows right back into #1.


Alright time to wrap this up...

The title of this article posed the question "Do human beings inherently hate themselves?"

So what's my opinion??

For me, without the proper social structures to educate folks about the pros and cons of their humanity, yeah, I think it is definitely an issue.

What we need to realize is that the idealized views about human behaviour, the simplistic narratives with which we've been raised -- they do not represent the entire picture of who we are.

Human beings have both "admirable" qualities and "despicable" ones. And by this way of looking at it, we are very complex.

In every person there are multiple "selves" that operate at various times. Sometimes we are in our "higher self" and sometimes we are in our "lower self" -- or so to speak.

For that reason you can judge instances of behaviour but never ultimately categorize a human being. It just depends on the paradigm with which they're operating at the time.

People need to stop judging others for their flaws, but more important is that in order to do that, they need to stop judging THEMSELVES.

Behaviour can be changed. People's paradigms can be changed.

For that to happen we have to recognize that we are WORTH the investment of time and energy to create the conditions of a happy life.


Right now humanity is in a place where it really needs to forgive itself for it's flaws, or else suffer the consequences.

That means becoming "OK" with the complex nature of who we are.

It's not about convincing OTHER people to wake up and get their lives together. It's about BEING AN EXAMPLE and making the decision to live by your own values first.

From there, it's all about the execution.

Making choices that are befitting of person who treats himself and others as first class human beings.

And how do you get a first class ticket on that path??

I think it's a topic that deserves an article of it's own. So stay tuned.

Thanks for reading!!


Tyler

PS: Tim's blog has been *buzzing* with activity lately. WOW. You really need to get in the loop on this: www.naturaltim.com

69 comments:

Anonymous said...

I needed this today. I really really needed this. Thank you Tyler. Your name might be different but you'll always be TylerDurden to me. Thank you. A lot.

Abower said...

Long live the luminous blog.

TheBatman said...

This really hits home as I've just got back from a fucking MINDBLOWING trip to Montreal, but have already started to slip back into my old procrastinating ways.

It's time for me to clean my room. ;)

Stretch0215 said...

Did he really throw out his Wii. Dude, I need endless stimulation

Stretch0215 said...

But seriously, I do believe you. Whatever you do and live comes from self worth. So, I wouldn't say human beings(as a whole) inherently hate themselves because there are many people who can be used as examples otherwise. It is just that the masses(majority) are unawakened to the "truth" or life

Anonymous said...

It really is difficult to change a habit, and yet a lifestyle. As long as your getting by, reasons for change wouldn't probably weigh as much. Then rationalizations follows, and negativity.

Thanks for the post Tyler, really inspiring.

Spartan said...

Im right now in self destruct mode, your article inspired me - once again - to keep gooing, Im going to get out of this estate

improvingame said...

"Personally I have a belief that when somebody does something that they know is inherently wrong, they will unconsciously do things to punish themselves and bring their circumstances into alignment with what they feel they deserve internally."

WOW!

Patrick Shields said...

I get a lot of value from these posts as well as the posts on RSD Nation. You really live this way most of the time and you have motivated me to do the same.

Keep it up, and stay true to yourself!

Anonymous said...

Jeffy needs to buy new tshirt man, I have always seen him in a black tshirt.

Anonymous said...

Great article Owen; thanks; eagerly waiting for the follow up.

On the forums some of us talked about spiritual depth and having your personal needs met (Maslow's pyramid).

Sometimes, when my needs are not met I find myself chasing needs, but I don't know if this ultimately the best approach. E.g. when I don't feel any love/connection it would be best to get some work done, feel better about myself, radiate this outwardly and automatically feel more love/connection because I have less ego defenses and people like to be around me more.

However, IN ORDER to achieve I need to feel love/connection and my work tends to be a 100 times better then.

So it can be a pretty nasty thing to break out of your lower self, once you are trapped in it (and got the accompanying unconscious self-image). So, if you are doing a follow up, what ways have you found to 'untrap' yourself once you got stuck in those lower regions, especially when you have been stuck for quite a while and your outward circumstances tend to align with your lower self behaviour?

Anonymous said...

One more addition to the latter question.

One thing that frustrates me most, when I am trying to break out of lower states, is that OTHER people that you know and that you have past interactions with generally do not treat you immediately in alignment with your new inner state. That fucks me up sometimes, because it gets me anchored back into old lower self feelings, and it slows my momentum or even totally collapses it and gets me stuck back where I left. How to deal with that?

Anonymous said...

It's hard to admit...but I get really screwed up like that on a constant basis. I like a girl a lot...I figure I'm a piece of crap anyway. Why talk to her...I play video games, watch movies, read, sleep...alone type shit. I spiral...even now I can feel the hole in my gut reminding me that I have no life. It's a trip because I really wanted to be a "Pick up Artist" or a "Dating Coach" or whatever. I don't believe I'm in a good position to pull that off.
I dunno.

It's tough staying up beat & positive. I feel like im running in circles.

agh.

Peace

Revolver O.

Audio said...

Absolutely true.

I've recently taken just a few small steps to improving my life. I definitely have not been getting any quick fix instant results but just taking small actions has made me see myself differently. I fell better about myself and less self pitying.

Anonymous said...

I like the post, but I think there's a deeper reason why human beings can hate themselves.

We have, I think, an inborn intuition that we are perfect, whole, vast, connected, divine.

We act as if we deserve these qualities only if we fulfill certain criteria; mostly being special or better than others, but worse works as well.

We identify with our limited mind and body, which are changing and dying constantly, and we try to solidify them.

We are then painfully torn between our true perfect nature, and the deception of trying to establish ourselves as whole, perfect, loving, etc. while grasping ever tighter onto our "uniqueness" and separation as an individual.

The most true psychological principle I know is that we all, knowingly or not, fight tooth and nail to defend the very source of our suffering: wanting to be a special snowflake.

What a relief to be ordinary! How grand is the view when you obstruct nothing!

With love-
nanda

Mouth said...

Great article, man.

I like the ALL-CAPS "KILL MYSELF" NLP command, that was clever... Haha no really, watch out

Anonymous said...

That's some good shit, not to undermine the seriousness of my appraisal by beginning it with cussing, but this is a community of brotherhood where we share and i just gotta act crazy and go apeshit sometimes.

Tyler, I can definitely contribute to this discussion, at this stage in my life I would consider myself lazy and engaging in many self destructive habbits. In the past I wasn't like this always and I was more confident and happy for it. When you know that you are doing the right thing, you don't have a guilty concious and you are more confident/happy. Like a proverb says, the wicked man is always looking over his shoulder for fear of his consequences, I guess in this case laziness could be equated with wickedness. It's funny, you REALLY CAN'T define yourself too narrowly, because at this point in my life, I have a hard time moving fast, staying disciplined and speaking energetically, whereas before this wasn't as much the case. I think those consequences are a direct result of my lifestyle but now when I try to change it it's not so easy. I agree with what you have said in the past, you have to work your ass off, do it the next day and get into that routine or else it is too hard to maintain it. When I say work your ass off, I am not saying neglect other things like family or enjoyable activities. But at least contributing to life in a real way via your work. I do think with being lazy/self destructive comes idealizing about how things could be better. However, with your title, while it is dramatic, I don't think people with self destructive behavior necessarily hate themselves, some are unaware just how destructive they are(think some of america's lazy and priviledged habbits that they are unaware of not knowing just how they good they have it, just came back from south america, trust me our standard of living is fucking ridiculous). While others wanting to implement change aren't successful by a lack of understanding or not feeling supported enough to honestly confront their problem.

Dj PUA said...

Beautiful and I must say, very well timed. A question I've been pondering recently as well of which I only had speculation and I think you might be pretty on point.

kyle said...

"That's why when you go into a public bathroom you'll enjoy the glorious sight of piss all over the toilet seat from the last 10 guys who've used it before you.

Most folks, when not being monitored, really can't be bothered so much as to aim at the center of the bowl or to swipe a piece of toilet paper and wipe off the "miss fire".... :)"

haha! I was really just laughing when I read that. I mean I see that all the time, but reading it is just too funny. fuckin scumbags. lol.

Anyway, I love readying your stuff tyler, its always top notch. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Ultra class. Thanks.
I especially like the part about being OK with our complex nature.. genius. A MUCH better way to say it than take examples of what people have done and then and there (maybe unwillingly, probably subconciously) polarizing people by not taking examples from EVERY HUMAN BEING.. or atleast every *country*; or whatever people identify with.. and for whatever reasons. You can never really know, so this was a good way. Not just good............you know the deal haha.

Thanks man. Huge thanks. Will tip people about this blog.

/Kak√°nr1

John~ said...

That cat is massive.

Initially, I didn't agree with your premise - I didn't think people engaged in any amount of self-hate as way to have values and life dictated to them rather than dictate it themselves.

But then I gave it some thought. Is apathy or the heavy acceptance of social conditioning the same as self-hate?

I'm still not sure. Thanks for making me think.

Taku said...

Whoa no kidding it was a little intense I'll reread it later when my brain isn't so sluggish.

State control, manipulation and ecology has something I've really being thinking about a lot lately.

This touches a bit on what I like to call state ecology. Basically if you were to view our state as an enviroment it starts of all nice and healthy as time goes on society and external forces changes it till it is not a healthy ecology.

How do they do this by manipulating your frame? Control your frame you control your state, control your state you change your frame. That's why when you find the nimbus you create such a strong compelling frame girls are attracted to you like a monkey to a glorious gold banana of glory (Damn you Tim):)

The ecology tends to swing sometimes it overcompensating to the healthy and not so healthy. With little outside intervention it will settle somewhere in the middle.

So Jeffy was on a crazy value giving tour where he changed hundreds of lives. When he got back the ecology saw a chance to swing to the unhealthy spectrum unmonitored it went a bit too far.

Gotta notice the warning signs of it and slow down the ecology swing by noticing its happening allow it to happen in a controlled environment and an exploration/observation of you emotions.

Okay gotta go keep building my empire :) Keep pumping out these post Owen.

Nothing but love
Taku

Anonymous said...

Really valuable. I'll need to think about this more.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tyler, nice piece of work that articlewas. However, you talk so much about value, giving value, offering it - what is precisely value...?Anybody can answer if Tyler does not read that.....
P.S I am getting '' The Mastery'' from the States through Amazon. Hope it's gonna be good. Thanx and keep da blog going

Jersianno

wilks said...

Awesome article Tyler.

Cheers,
Wilks

the Traveller said...

Amazing article tyler, my mind was just looking for 'undeserved distraction' because I was busy learning for my -ugh- statistics exam. Luckily I found your article and started reading. Now I just promised myself to leave this comment and then get back to work, getting in allignment with myself again.
Thank you for sharing this crisp clear article with us!

Edje Noh said...

Dear Tyler,
Check out Brian Tracy's: Psychology of Success and find the part in which he talks about the 'E-factor' and why people fail. It's about the human nature to act expediently (always looking for the fast and easy way, being lazy, greedy, selfish, vane and ignorant). The reason why most people don't do anything with their lives is because their failure mechanism is active. They have no real goals and that's why they act expediently. The rest of the product is amazing too.
Cool Blog and Love the Wii pictures, XD
Cheers!

Jokes said...

Ahh, so it's true. Jeffy really does have a massive pussy. ;o)

Good article. As a long-term meditator and junior PUA it's interesting how the "community" is taking on the aspects of awareness and acceptance from the meditative disciplines. Stuff here is very similar to Bill Harris's blog: http://www.centerpointe.com/blog/

Naujitii said...

Great Blog, You never stop exploring the maze of human psychology. Thanks to your experience and observations, I have restored my own value as a human being and not as a subject of social conditioning that I have been grown to be for the last 15 years.

Again, thanks for everything.

Anonymous said...

thank for the good read.

Velouria said...

Great article, some good eye-openers in there, thanks!

Anonymous said...

Wow, nice blog post.

Living in alignment with your values is key to self esteem. If you sell out for a girl, this shit will show up later in a bad way. Another thing I would point out is how important it is to be conscious of your values. You can sometimes set a value that is out of alignment with how you could possibly behave in the current circumstances.

Anonymous said...

BRAVO, Tyler, BRAVO.

The perks of an upcoming Anthony Robbins, no, Owen Cooks in the self-improvement industry is devastatingly scary. :)

Anonymous said...

I've always wondered about that toilet piss too! Looking at people who are that lazy I think its another expression of who they are/where there at, and when I used to get pissed at their laziness I thought "yeah but would I really want to be THAT person?"

Andy

Shaman said...

Tell Jeffy to stop feeding his damned cat so much lest it turn into a deadly bomb and explode the next time he tries to pick it up...

Oh, awesome article, btw. Also, I've asked you this before and no one offered any help: if I want to get into meditation where should I look for information (books, websites, etc.)?

Cheers,
Shaman

Anonymous said...

Especially your articles on selfactualization are $$$!

Much appreciated!

Jesse said...

So basically...throw out your Wii and replace it with a cat?

Anonymous said...

love tyler's blogs

Kurt said...

Tyler & Jeffy - You make my day better. Thank you.

Kurt

Anand said...

Great post.

I think a lot of self-hate goes back to the emotional wounding that leads to creation of the ego. In a way, as long you are still identified with the ego, there will be some self-hate - it is just a matter of degree.

Also, your theory about people unconsciously punishing themselves when they do something inherently wrong is interesting and definitely warrants further discussion.

e13c7r0nic said...

Aweseome article! I had to read it twice. There are several threads that could be spun to more in depth posts.

"Incidentally this is also why when people have deliberately done things to try to make my own life difficult I've rarely invested myself into worrying about "justice" or anything like that. I've always figured that people's circumstances will eventually catch up to their level of self-respect."

I can relate to this. This resonates with 'karma' and could be a potential pscyhologica explanation for it. Being aware of our action, we eventually match our lives to what we think we deserve based on our past actions.

"If you live in accordance with your values and offer a lot of good, it's natural that you want to keep doing more and more of those positive things, and then your circumstances begin to improve and your lifestyle hits a level that's off the chains.

On the other hand if you sit around violating yourself by being complacent, then it's natural that you lose respect for yourself and your life slowly unravels and decays."

When I read this, I thought of an internal combustion engine. It gave me the feeling of a cycle. This would explain why people that are succesful in one area tend to achieve success in other areas. Like singers that become actors, actors that become directors and producers, business people that succeed in more than one area of business.

One way in which I jump start the self-esteem cycle and stop the self-hate cycle is by taking baby steps. I start with small things that are in aligment with my values. As I reach these small victories I begin to feel more and more empowered to take on to the bigger things.

Anonymous said...

Tyler!! Best blog ever. For fucking real. You speak the truth and lay it out in a way that's instantly understandable and as easy as possible to internalize. This entry REALLY resounded with me as something I recognize as being true in the world, and I have long recognized this.

I'm saving this to my hard drive. It's as if you wrote this article specifically for me. I know you didn't, but dayyyyuuum it's just amazing how much it hit the fucking spot ... fucking bullseye, brother!

This just an INCREDIBLY EMPOWERING article!!! I feel like taking on the world now, doing every single thing I have promised myself I would, LIVING AS AN EXAMPLE to inspire others and help them in their struggle. Fuck the haters, fuck the obstacles, ONWARD TO GLORY!!

THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS! YOU ARE AMAZING.

CHANCE

Anonymous said...

in one word: awesome!

Anonymous said...

Damn! Every time I read Tyler's blog, I feel like a total dumbass.

Jee, thanks Tyler.

Adam+ said...

awesome article.
after coming off some phenominal months of progress i just had a week like jeffy's.
this article clarified exactly what i needed, thanks tyler.
peeeeace.

Chill said...

HA!
Such a great article
I HAVE TO read this article, tomorrow morning without excuse.
Thx Tyler!
Keep it real!

Chill

pd: jeffy's cat is so lovely, mine is so skinny compared to that bomb of fat :D

Anonymous said...

Jeffy looks so happy in that last pic :)

Will said...

I think most of the reasons you listed play a part in how lazy people are. As far as self-hate, I think it's the EFFECT of laziness more than the cause. The whole evolutionary drive to expend as little resources/energy/time as is necessary is innate, leading to the behavior we call laziness with the self-hate soon to follow. Or maybe it's a vicious cycle that reinforces itself.

This then leads to an identity of 'ah, i'm just a no-good lazy ass loser' which, once established, people want to stay consistent with. Throw in rationalization, the belief in instant gratification and quick fixes (e.g., lotteries) and a garbage society and you have the typical American.

The incongruence between people's values and actions, and between what they know is best long-term and their behavior, is what happens when you take humans evolved for one environment and put them in our environment. This all comes back to the complexity of humans and accepting that we have flaws, and that we can evolve past them.

Yeah so, obviously loved the article. Really hope you keep pumping them out.

jlaix said...

She is not fat... she's big-fluffed.

notjustok said...

great post...very inspiring

Dr. Pepsi said...

Jeffy needs to take his cat to the gym.

Pirate UK said...

Hey Tyler, great post man, I can certainly relate.

My own physique has transformed over the last year, while in my younger days I tried to get in shape but never really achieved it. Mainly because I thought that would make me happy.

However, after meeting up with many guys from the community - most of whom are much younger than me (I turn 40 in a couple of days time), my body image just didn’t fit the person I am becoming.

The result after hitting the gym causes surprised, positive remarks from people I haven’t seen for a while.

Even my urge to travel has come to a head & I will shortly be coming over from the UK to America to travel for a month. Who knows... I might even bump into you ;-)

Howard said...

Not surprised Jeffy got frustrated playing the wii. It's loads more fun if you actually face the screen ;-)

daniel said...

The best thing i have read in a long time!

I found myshelf in this position a few weeks ago, when I had 2 final exams left for the year in school. But i did not have my focus in control at all.. I was just watching tv or played games. And after the exams i felt so bad that i didnt do my best.. Motivation is in my opinion the single most important quality you can have as a university student. Thats why i love to read stuff like this!

by the way.. i turned out to pass both of my exams anyway =)

Thank you for the article!

Anonymous said...

I think when people are lazy and can't muster the motivation to reach their goals then they feel depressed afterwards, lack energy and the cycle continues.

Nathan said...

awesome stuff owen! really relatable! thanks dude!

BlackJack said...

I really enjoy reading your blog because everytime I read it I get some great insight. The latest example is:

"Self esteem is in many ways a wheel that's always spinning -- whether that's towards a life of happiness or a petty existence of laziness and self-hate.

If you live in accordance with your values and offer a lot of good, it's natural that you want to keep doing more and more of those positive things, and then your circumstances begin to improve and your lifestyle hits a level that's off the chains.

On the other hand if you sit around violating yourself by being complacent, then it's natural that you lose respect for yourself and your life slowly unravels and decays."

So true. So true.

Dimos said...

Great stuff... regarding the futility you mentioned in point 2, i live by this:

ABSOLUTE FUTILITY = ABSOLUTE FREEDOM.

Not everyone can stand ABSOLUTE FREEDOM. So they can hide behind... whatever they choose.

For the rest, it is the single most empowering belief that can drive you.

Ivo said...

Good post, it has inspired me

Anonymous said...

That's the biggest Chinese chicken I've ever seen!

Anonymous said...

so you mean my wife should throw away her sybian?

Algeristo said...

This article is resonating with me more and more each time I read it. You really get me thinking about improving my life with these insightful articles, Tyler.

MrPimp from Russia said...

Tyler, your posts are great as is a lot of your other material. Thanks for helping me change myself for the better.

Anyway, you mentioned global warming. I have reasons to believe global warming can be a myth created by democrats to support their political platform :) or something like that.

A thought-provoking article examining the reality of the matter can be found here - http://johntreed.com/globalwarming.html

I think it would be intersting to a critical thinker like you.

$M said...

OUCH.. right through the heart.

Why you gotta take it out on the WII??

Girls fucking drop their fucking PANTIES for Mario Cart.

AND.. after playing WII-Fit Yoga for 14 days straight my sex-life has taken an INCREDIBLE turn for the better.

Anonymous said...

seriously dude, youve got a brain like Einstein. You have no idea how much i appreciate it. I have grown up my whole life thinking alot of the things that you say. (more about the life values and lessons and the fact that everything is both vastly more complicated and more simple than people make it out to be than the stuff about pick up...i actually still kinda suck at that..but whats a path for right?) But my whole life i have felt alone...like no one else could see the matrix. everyone around me was so concerned with things like their grades and what college they would go to, or if they were adults, whether their house was clean or they were following their religion or following "the path". Its like no one got that that stuff only matters IF you are living in happiness. It seems to me like people can only accept a very narrow view of things...like they know that good grades and college are the answer for everyone but fail to realize that these are both fairly recent developments in the social strata designed to create meaning for peoples meaningless lives because they are not ok with just realizing that everything in life is arbitrary. They claim to have all of these esoteric answers and value systems, but dont examine whether they fit in with the real world. For example, they believe sex is an inherently bad thing, AND that people who have a different value system are evil. They say it is bad to judge people, and that others should not cast the first stone unless guiltless, but then they go around judging everyone...they hypocrisy blinds me. No offense to any religious people here...i just personally believe you are severly delusioned

MD said...

Here's the answer from the Boss himself. Freud.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_drive

Everything you've written about is answered in here.

We have an aggressive instinct that really needs to express itself. Western society royally screws people up by not allowing for this instincts expression.

It turns in on us.

MD.

Anonymous said...

the year of the shaolin dragon shows the Mere existence of power. tyler durden you are still a genius, we all know Your ideaS are original now and when you starTEd rsd plenty of guys can relate to this post, i get a feeling of deja-vu as i read thRough Your poSts sort of like the movIe FigHT Club'S HERE.

Take all the Capital letters in this paragraph and unscramble them.

Anonymous said...

Just re-read this article Tyler. At first it gave me a sort of weird feeling. I don't really like to think about this stuff too much anymore. (I like to live in a fantasy world where everyone is as happy as I am.)

Then I read the bit about Jeffy relapsing and realised I really do need to read it, cause I relapse into self hate before and I'll probably do it again.

Murphy

Zebra said...

dam it dude.....stop hogging all my ephiphanies about life!! When ever i think "man i just figured out the whole self respect thing...hmm i wonder if TD has anything on the issue" i come here and find you completely autopsied the whole topic.

Good reading, excellent source material for my own thoughts and writings. Thanks for the inspiration.