Monday, September 08, 2008

A Very Quick Thought: The "Loudness" Of Your "Inner Voice"

A quick thought (and a strange story)........

About a year ago I was dieting down and took a "fat burner" for about 2 weeks.

Fat burners are basically pills that elevate your fight or flight response. I later learned they don't really do anything to make you lose weight, but make you agitated so you'll burn around 7% more calories by fidgeting and pacing around.

What was most bizarre about this was that during the second week I stupidly landed myself in 5 altercations in 7 days.

The final altercation, and last straw, was when I was winding up to lay out this guy who had talked a bunch of shit to my buddy Olcay (because his girlfriend walked up and started flirting with him -- which wasn't Olcay's fault at all).

I remember hearing the storming of the keen-eyed bouncers converging on me for about 3 seconds before they put me in a choke hold that almost knocked me unconscious.


Anyway the big thing I learned from those two weeks, aside from that taking fat burners is absolutely stupid, is that different people have a different "loudness" to their "inner voice".

Whereas normally I wouldn't fight anybody for any reason (because that's an old part of me I've left behind), on fat burners I found myself rationalizing and unable to think "big picture" enough to see how useless it is.

That being the case, I wondered, "What would I do if this was the way my mind was wired ALL THE TIME??"

It's easy to condemn people for being angry, but at the same time, it's worth considering that they might have a harder time dealing with it than you do.

Maybe when somebody pisses you off you're able to stay calm and say "This dude is being a fool. It's not worth the trouble to teach him a lesson. Let him figure out his life on his own."

(Funny this was how I was rationalizing it -- I needed to stop guys acting ignorant from doing this to other people).

But another guy might have a voice in his head screaming "FUCK THIS GUY!! FUCK THIS GUY!! FUCK THIS GUY!!" that won't shut up.

What I realized is that many guys who study success with women have the same type of challenge.

Some dudes get that voice that says "You're not good enough... You're going to create an awkward social situation..." and they just ignore it and approach the girl anyway.

Other guys hear it, and it won't shut up.

It totally consumes them and they identify with it to the point of thinking it's ACTUALLY TRUE.

Personally my inner voice has probably been pretty loud over the years (especially when I was a kid). I see things and feel them very vividly.

At the same time, this has forced me over 28 years to continually establish and improve upon what I guess you could call "pillars of sanity".

Whereas I feel emotional chaos very vividly, I've also learned the skill of keeping the inner voice in check.

I view it a lot like how Wesley Snipes has to deal with his vampire disease in the movie "Blade". Whereas most people will just turn into vampires if they get bitten, he's already actively dealing with it so it's handled automatically.

When the volume knob on those crazy inner voices (that everyone deals with to varying degrees) gets turned up, you have to have those quick fire laser guns armed and ready to zap them out.

That can be in the form of reframes, attitude, changing your physiology, and various other "centering" rituals that you've implemented throughout your day.

It's also about learning about the structure of your mind. Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" is a fantastic guide for that, and really you can go as deeply with the topic as you're interested.

You've got to let the emotions "flow through you" and "run their course" instead of resisting and compartmentalizing them. I never cried since I was probably 10 or 12 years old until I was around 26 when I learned how to do it again. Since then if I get pissed off I just let it out quickly and get back on with it.

This has been a massive asset.

It allows you to take on situations of greater and greater pressure, and actually offers you the ability handle a greater load than most people could handle because you already have the habits in place.

I really believe that over several years you can use your condition as leverage to become a lot happier than most people, because once you've "got it down" the rest of your life is pure gravy.

Anyway this was really just meant to be a quick piece for guys on RSD Nation who post articles like "I'M SO INSECURE ABOUT X,Y,Z!!" or whatever else is ailing them.

Hey, we all feel it. I know that inner voice is messing with your flow and it's not easy to turn down the volume.

Instead of letting it take you over, use it as leverage to become focused and present on an exceptionally high level.

It will allow you to sort out your own life, and be an inspiration for others in the process.

Make sense?? Awesome!! :)



Anonymous said...

Definitely have that voice inside all of us!

Thanks Tyler!

TrusT said...

we heart tyler :)

really cool and not overly complicated.

relates to your reply to alaskadan's hairloss thread.

i'd like to see something about what you think the inner voice is, when to listen to it and how this relates to "intuition" because i think often it is confused with social conditioning. also perhaps why the "inner voice" would want to be destructive and tell you things like "FIGHT" or "you're losing your hair".

...and i'm not sure if it's about learning to control the volume so much as eliminating that frequency from your mind. hmmm.

respect man. and all the best for your new path.

Mathias (aka Hunger!) said...

Yeah, though there is also that other voice - the flame of The Inner Champion that is there, the best self trying to get out. Managing "voices" often also includes amplifying the right ones, the ones that when used as resources and conciously amplified propells you into healthy growth.

Jaffar said...

Clearheaded and productive as usual.

Anonymous said...

A really sad / happy moment for me was when I realised that I habitually play out negative scenario's in my mind, about almost every aspect in my life. I became aware of it through Tolle's writing.

I made me upset because I couldn't stand to think that for years the standard program running in my was so negative. But then exhilirated that I now catch myself doing it. Not so many people know they do the same.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Tyler. I have an experience, that when I focus on something at 100%, I get this voice turned down for several hours. It may be mathematical or other problem - it doesn't matter - whatever I do with full dedication, works.

improvingame said...

wow...awesome stuff again.

I've experienced soemthing similar with alcohol. I've only drunk a hand full of times in the last 2 years BUT literally half of those times I was so MISCALIBRATED in the field that I almost got into fights--one face to face and other time my friend pulling me away.

As far as inner voice goes, I've focusing on a moment to moment basis on lettin go--that is letting the emotions go through me and not resisting them. It feels great when I get on long streaks of non-resistance. It's like a constant battle everyday to remain focused (or present) to watch my mind closely and just let the thoughts pass without stopping them.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting article. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Hey boys,

the loudness of one's inner voice could easily be seen as one's personality and natural hard wiring. There is a cool personality test I know a lot about called the Myers Briggs Personality Test which explains natural preferences of a person and how this relates to their strengths/weaknesses and what type of career they would be good at, how they relate to others, etc. I think it would be a good tool for RSD to use in helping one's own personal growth. This is real and scientifically based, but to be used not too literally as people's personality's are not black and white but have shades of gray and are apt to evolve as well.

Rick said...

Hey dude,

great article. thank you so much for your help over the years! u are an inspiration. I been reading your words since 2003 on 'that' message board. and im still reading...its been quite a journey (for u and me).

cheers (random praise -- following my emotions in the moment)

we are so lucky.....:)

TightGame said...

Here's a question: you take someone who's bilingual and thinks in two languages- that is a situation where they have two "inner voices"- in many cases the language determines the thought loops they will access.

So which is the person's "true" internal dialog? Or are both of them these arbitrary unconscious autopilot processes?

Agree that "A New Earth" is an awesome book, although its message may be elusive from an intellectual standpoint. Personally, immersing myself in foreign languages helped me get that my dialog is just a mind language pattern and not really me.

Erika said...


Awesome, awesome blog. Love how that experience seemed to enhance your already-developed ability to see things from someone else's perspective, too.

A New Earth is absolutely worth anyone's tme to read.

And as a girl, let me say it can be particularly challenging to "be" with your inner voice when it's "that time of the month." This is called "advanced inner voice bootcamp" for girls ;-)

Thanks again,

Anonymous said...

Hi Owen,

thanx for the article, I think most of us can relate to this. However, it stays a little theoretic. It would be great if you could expand a little bit on the actual techniques when you talk about "That can be in the form of reframes, attitude, changing your physiology, and various other "centering" rituals that you've implemented throughout your day."

Thank you!

Erika said...

to Shameless/Friedrich:

for centering, I have found these to be incredibly powerful (and not yet widely known in the PUA community): (compassionate communication) (acupressure-based - incredibly effective at releasing negative emotions and transforming your belief system)

meditation, of course, and (which is like meditation on steroids)

Anonymous said...

While I have left the community somewhat to find my own way, I still read some posts once in a while. This is a really really awesome post because it helps one be aware of that voice.